Good Comebacks for Girls
Serve up the perfect comeback to leave her speechless. Whether you’re teasing a friend or showing a mean girl she can’t get one up on you, a well-timed comeback is a great way to diss someone. They help you handle back-handed compliments and not-so-subtle shade with wit and grace. Try one of these burns to make it crystal clear you aren’t someone to mess with. “Hold still…I’m trying to imagine you with a personality.” “You’re not pretty enough to have such an ugly personality.” “You’re so ugly you’d make a Happy Meal cry.” “I’ve been called worse by better.” “Don’t stand too close to the heater…Plastic melts.” “You’re so fake; even Barbie is jealous.” “You bring me so much joy…when you leave the room.” “Oh, sorry, I forgot. The world revolves around you.” “They say there’s someone out there for everyone. For you, it’s a therapist.” “Wow. You’d be perfect if you could photoshop your personality.” “Your grades say marry rich, but your mirror says study harder.” “Oh, here’s your nose back. I found it in my business.” “You must meditate a lot because your mind is permanently clear.” “Beauty is skin deep, but ugly goes clean to the bone.” “If you're going to be two-faced, at least make one of them pretty.”
Snarky Comebacks for Boys
Give him a third-degree burn with a sharp comeback. Put that cocky boy in his place with a clever comeback that gives you the upper hand. Whether you’re dealing with the obnoxious class clown or your annoying little brother, these roasts for guys help you keep your cool while outsmarting that wise guy. “Whoever told you to be yourself gave you really bad advice.” “Remember that time I asked for your opinion? No? Me either.” “You’re afraid of success? I don’t think that’s going to be a problem for you.” “Oh, I’m sorry. Did the middle of my sentence interrupt the beginning of yours?” “Are you always this dumb, or are you just showing off because I’m here?” “I thought you were attractive when I first saw you, but then you ruined it by opening your mouth.” “I can’t tell what’s lower…your standards or your IQ.” “You’re the reason God created 2 middle fingers.” “You should really come with a warning label.” “I’d give you a nasty look, but you’ve already got one.” “I know you’re gonna go far. I just hope you stay there.” “It’s cute when you talk about things you don’t understand.” “I don't have the energy to pretend to like you today.” “I’m busy right now. Can I ignore you another time?” “I’m not insulting you. I’m describing you.
Good Comebacks for Bullies
Defend yourself from bullies with a comeback to end all comebacks. Sometimes, the best defense is a perfectly timed burn that shows you’re too clever for them to mess with. Dropping the perfect comeback for a hater tells them you’re not an easy target. Remember, the sweetest victory isn’t making them feel bad…it’s seeing the look on their face when they realize they made a big mistake by picking on you. “Is your drama going to have an intermission soon?” “I’m trying to see things from your perspective, but I can’t get my head that far up my butt.” “I’m not sure what your problem is, but I bet it’s hard to pronounce.” “Your life must be so sad if this is what makes you happy.” “Wow, you’re really committed to this whole “being a jerk” thing, aren’t you?” “It must be exhausting trying to be mean all the time.” “If your goal was to be unlikable, congratulations, you’ve succeeded.” “I’d roast you, but nature already did a fine job.” “I’m an acquired taste. If you don’t like me, acquire some taste.” “I believed in evolution until I met you.” “I bet your parents change the subject when their friends ask about you.” “I was going to roast you, but it’s illegal to burn track in this county.” “Brush your teeth before you open your mouth.” “Row, row, row your boat gently off a cliff.” “If you ran as much as your mouth does, you’d be in better shape.”
Witty Comebacks for Kids
Keep things clean with a snappy, kid-friendly comeback. These one-liners are perfect for the playground or classroom. They’re clever enough to outsmart your enemies and clean enough to keep you out of trouble. Treat them like a secret superpower that lets you save the day without anyone getting hurt. “Do you need a hug? You seem like you need a hug.” “If you were a spice, you’d be flour.” “You look like you were drawn from memory.” “I hope you accidentally step on a Lego.” “Nice try, but I've heard better from my grandmother.” “I smell hot dog water…Oh, that’s you.” “Wow, you really woke up and chose stupid today.” “Your face would make an onion cry.” “I’m not a nerd. I’m just smarter than you.” “Cool story, bro.” “Did you get that from the Department of Obvious Facts?” “Sorry, I don't speak jerk.” “Oh, that was funny! Did you see it on TV?” “If I wanted to hear you speak, I’d wave a sausage over your nose.” “If Mr. Rogers was your neighbor, he’d pack up and move.”
Good Comebacks to End Arguments
Get the last word to end your argument with a bang. These verbal knockout punches are the perfect way to leave your opponent stunned and speechless while you take your victory lap. Use these comebacks to end an argument…and verbally slam the door behind you on your way out of the conversation. “Thanks for your opinion. I’ll give it careful consideration and get back to you…never.” “I see you’ve set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.” “I would say you’re dumb as a rock, but at least a rock can hold a door open. “Let’s play a game. For the rest of the week, don’t talk to me.” “God might love you, but everyone else thinks you’re a jerk.” “Maybe you should get your own life instead of being so invested in mine.” “One of the two of us is dumber than me.” “Stupidity isn’t a crime, so you’re free to go.” “You’re the type of person who replies to spam emails.” “I don’t have the time or crayons to explain this to you.” “If I had your face, I’d sue my parents. “If opposites attract, I hope you meet someone who’s kind, smart, and attractive.” “You’re the reason we have directions on toothpaste.” “If you had two brains, you’d be twice as stupid.” “I’d spell things out for you, but that’s assuming you know your ABCs.”
Funny Comebacks to Lighten the Mood
Chill out a tense situation and leave them laughing with a witty one-liner. The best comebacks do more than burn. They make everyone – including your target – crack a smile. Use one of these funny comebacks to turn a drama into a comedy and enemies into friends. “You look like a “before” photo today.” “You’re so wrong about that you’re almost right.” “I'd love to stay and chat about this, but I'd rather have a root canal.” “You're the reason the gene pool needs a lifeguard.” “You're so annoying right now; even autocorrect would ignore you.” “You're the reason I prefer animals to people.” “You're about as useful as a white crayon for this.” “Life is full of disappointments, and I just added you to the list.” “Sorry, I can't hear you over the sound of how awesome I am.” “If laziness was a competition, you'd come in second because you'd be too lazy to compete.” “You're the reason we have warning labels on everything.” “You're being about as useful as the 'ueue' in 'queue.'” “Mirrors can't talk. Lucky for you, they can't laugh either.” “I'd explain it to you, but your brain would explode. And I don’t have time for that mess.” “Your opinion is very important to me. Please hold.”
Great Comebacks for Insults
Deliver a great comeback that lands like the perfect mic drop. These verbal jabs are your secret weapon against anyone who thinks they can mess with you and just walk away. Keep them ready to launch whenever some brave soul decides they want to play with fire. “Thanks for the feedback. I'll file that under 'interesting opinions’.” “You must practice those lines in the mirror.” “You're adorable when you try to be clever.” “Oh yeah? Well, that shirt makes you look like a beanbag.” “I’d agree with you, but then we’d both be wrong.” “You’re not just a drama queen. You’re the whole royal family.” “It must be nice to have a fresh, clean brain that’s never been used.” “Sorry, I can’t understand you over all that insecurity.” “Your insults are like a broken pencil—pointless.” “Your negativity is noted and ignored.” “Were you born this rude, or did you have to take lessons?” “I’m ugly? Perfect. I was trying to look like you today.” “Jealousy is a disease. Get well soon!” “Where’s your mute button?” “I can’t wait until 10 seconds from now when I’m not talking to you.”
Savage Roasts
Serve up a savage roast when you reach the end of your patience. Watch their whole vibe crash and burn as your perfectly timed roasting makes them sizzle with embarrassment. When they're standing there speechless with that deer-in-headlights look, you know your comeback landed exactly as planned. Here are a few to try: “It’s difficult to underestimate you. “You're not the dumbest person in the world, but you better hope they don't die.” “I’ll never forget the first time we met, but I’ll keep trying.” “Our friendship is all about balance. You start talking…I stop listening.” “You’re the reason I don’t want kids.” “It’d be nice if you used glue instead of chapstick.” “You look like your party trick is spelling Mississippi.” “The real heroes in the world are the ones who have to live with you.” “Every time I think you can’t get any dumber, you prove me wrong.” “You look like you play spin the bottle at family reunions.” “It’s nice to see someone like you be so confident.” “You look like your favorite machine at the gym is the vending machine.” “Your friends definitely have a group chat without you.” “Your birth certificate should be rewritten as a letter of apology.” “I think you deserve a high five…in the face…with a chair.”
Sarcastic Questions
Ask a sarcastic question that shocks them into silence. Watch their smug expression melt away as your perfectly timed burn hits its mark. The beauty of a sarcastic question is that it leaves them searching for an answer that doesn’t make them look even worse. “Genuine question: How do you still have friends?” “Do you ever get the urge to tell someone to shut up? Because that’s exactly what I’m feeling right now.” “Oh, were you talking to me? I thought you only did that behind my back. “Can I have the name of your hair salon? I need to know where not to go.” “Do you remember that time you were talking and I didn’t care? That was just like now.” “Did your parents ever ask you to run away from home?” “I’d like to help you out. Which way did you come in?” “I love what you’ve done with your hair. How do you get it to come out of your nostrils like that?” “When I look at you, I think to myself, ‘Where have you been my whole life? And can you go back there?’” “Were you going for the “messy clown” look? If so, you overdid the blush.” “Good story, but in what chapter do you shut up?” “Roses are red, violets are blue, so many people are pretty, but what happened to you?” “Why don’t you slip into something more comfortable, like a coma? “Why is it acceptable for you to be an idiot but not for me to point it out?” “You have your entire life to be an idiot. Why not take today off?”
Snappy One-Liners
Try a snappy one-liner for a burn that’s quick and sick. The faster you deliver a comeback, the hotter it burns. These roasts are fast and furious to help you get the jump on your haters. Just remember – the best burns come with a side of playful charm, not genuine meanness. After all, you want to leave them laughing, not crying in the bathroom! “You’re a plague of mediocrity.” “You look like melted Play-Doh.” “Don’t be bitter. Be better. “You’re as interesting as a blank piece of paper.” “I would hit you, but I’m against cruelty to animals. “If I give you a dollar, will you leave?” “If ugly was a day, you’d be an entire year.” “Have a nice day…somewhere else. “You’re proof that God has a sense of humor.” “What doesn’t kill you, disappoints me.” “I’m jealous of everyone who hasn’t met you.” “Please don’t interrupt me while I’m ignoring you.” “You have the perfect face for a podcast.” “You’re the human equivalent of a participation trophy.” “You might be older, but you’re not wiser.”
Comebacks for “Shut Up”
Be ready with a comeback when someone tells you to shut up. It’s not fun when someone tells you to shut up. It’s rude and mean, but some people do it all the time. Be ready for them with burns that are guaranteed to make them think twice about telling you – or anyone else – to shut up ever again. “Are gonna cry if I don’t?” “Looks like somebody needs a nap.” “Let me think about it…um, no.” “My therapist told me not to hold back.” “Your silence would be much more appreciated.” “My confidence intimidates you, doesn’t it?” “Why don’t you lead by example?” “I’ll stop talking when you start being interesting.” “I see your lips moving, but all I hear is blah, blah, blah.” “Nice. Did they teach you that in Anger Management class?” “My silence is too valuable to waste on you.” “Oh, did I interrupt you while you were talking trash?” “You first.” “That’s clever. Did you come up with that one all by yourself?” “I don’t take orders from losers.”
Sick Burns from Pop Culture
Take a cue from Hollywood and deliver a famous roast. Quoting a good comeback from your favorite movie probably isn’t going to shut down a bully or a hater. But it may give them – and the rest of the group – a chuckle. Here’s a list of a few of the sickest burns from movies and TV shows to get you started. “I don’t shut up. I grow up. And when I look at you, I throw up.” – Stand By Me “I know you are, but what am I? – Peewee’s Big Adventure “Shock me, shock me, shock me with that deviant behavior.” – Empire Records “This is like explaining gravity to a chicken.” – Veep “I'll explain, and I'll use small words so that you'll be sure to understand, you warthog-faced buffoon. – The Princess Bride “It's not my job to make you feel like a man. I can't make you something you're not.” – Crazy Rich Asians “You are literally too stupid to insult.” – The Hangover “Does Barry Manilow know that you raid his wardrobe?” – The Breakfast Club “You are a sad, strange little man.” – Toy Story “Nice dress. Good to know you’ve seen the softer side of Sears.” – Buffy the Vampire Slayer “Well, my time of not taking you seriously is coming to a middle.” – Firefly “Listen up, fives. A ten is speaking.” – 30 Rock “If I had a gun with two bullets and I was in a room with Hitler, Bin Laden, and Toby, I'd shoot Toby twice.” – The Office “I don’t dislike you. I nothing you.” – Scrubs “It’s understanding that makes it possible for people like us to tolerate a person like yourself.” – Ferris Bueller’s Day Off
How do you give a comeback?
Match your comeback to what the other person said. The best comebacks are off-the-cuff comments you make that come to you as you listen to what the other person is saying. The key to thinking of a witty comeback is to hone your listening skills and focus on the other person’s entire message. Don’t just wait for your turn to talk. Instead of memorizing a few generic comebacks, try targeting what they say or their general tone to make your burn truly savage. For example, if someone is being stuck up or talking about someone behind their back, say something like, “We can’t all be perfect like you.”
Use your facial expression to drive the burn home. Try delivering your comeback with a neutral or blank face to emphasize the burn. Another option is to roll your eyes with your mouth slightly open, which is a common expression people use when they’re being sarcastic. Raising one eyebrow and smirking are other ways to make sure the other person knows how ridiculous you think they are. If you’re just teasing the other person, give them a smile after the sarcastic expression to let them know you aren’t seriously mocking them. Remember, sarcasm is tricky to pull off if you aren’t used to it. Brush up on your sarcasm skills to make sure your roast hits every time.
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