How to Avoid Being Abused

Spotting Abusive People

Watch out for anyone who has abused you in the past. People who have abused you in the past are more likely to abuse you again. For this reason, you should avoid contact with anyone who has abused you in the past. If avoiding contact with this person is not possible, then avoid spending time alone with the person. Ask a friend or family member to accompany you whenever you have to spend time around the abuser. Stay away from anyone who has threatened you with abuse. Threatened abuse is likely to lead to actual abuse at some point, so you should also avoid contact with anyone who has threatened you.

Look for violent behavior. People who display violent behavior are also more likely to become abusers. You may feel like you have to walk on eggshells around the person to avoid making him or her angry. Try to avoid having contact with people who display their anger in violent or forceful ways. Some examples of this type of behavior might include: throwing things breaking items punching walls or kicking furniture grabbing your arm or physically restraining you in other ways

Pay attention to jealousy and controlling behavior. People who seem to need to control everyone and everything are also more likely to be abusive. If your significant other is often jealous for no reason or wants to know every detail about where you have been or are going, then he or she may turn to abuse at some point. Some examples of jealousy and controlling behavior might include: constantly checking up on you giving you the 3rd degree if you are late calling you a “liar” telling you how to dress or act pressuring you to make an immediate commitment

Notice if the person tries to isolate you. Abusive people often use isolation as a way to control people. This may be subtle at first, such as requesting that you do not spend as much time with certain people. However, an abusive person may soon be forbidding you from seeing certain people, even if they are your close friends or family members. An abuser may accuse certain friends or family members of being “trouble makers” or “nosy.” In a heterosexual relationship with a male abuser, he may also accuse you of being a “whore” for spending time with male friends or of being a “lesbian” for spending time with female friends.

Listen to how the person justifies abusive behavior. Abusive people tend to find ways to excuse their behavior and they often blame other people, including those who they abuse. Think about what the person says after he or she has done something abusive. Does the person tend to blame you or other people for his violent behavior? If so, then do what you can to get away from this person. It is likely that he or she is going to continue to justify violent behavior towards you. Some abusive people may also accuse those who they abuse of being "too sensitive." If someone often makes you feel bad about yourself, but then dismisses your feelings, then this person may be abusing you.

Consider how the person treats animals and children. Abusive people may be cruel to animals and children. Pay attention to how the person behaves around animals and children to get hints about how he or she might treat you. For example, does the person ever kick the dog out of frustration? Or has the person ever said something nasty to a child because he or she was in a bad mood? These behaviors can indicate that someone may become abusive towards you in the future.

Think about the person’s sexual behavior. Some abusive people will engage in violent acts during consensual sex. For example, the person might try to restrain you during sex, hit you, or continue doing something even though you have expressed your dislike of it. Watch for these types of signs. Do not stay with someone who makes sex painful or uncomfortable for you.

Identifying Abuse

Watch for signs of physical abuse. Physical abuse can take many forms and some of them may not be immediately obvious. You are being physically abused if you: have bruises, cuts, welts, and other types of unexplained injuries have injuries on your body that look like a hand print or another object, such as a belt wear inappropriate clothing to cover up injuries, such as a sweatshirt on a hot day live in constant fearfulness or feel like you have to be on alert at all times flinch when you are touched miss school or work often due to injuries

Recognize signs of emotional abuse. Emotional abuse can show up in a number of different ways. Pay attention to the way that you are treated. You may be being emotionally abused if you: feel anxious or fearful about doing something wrong because you are afraid of how someone will react if they are disappointed feel like you want to withdraw because someone has made you feel worthless display extreme behaviors, such as being either extremely demanding or extremely passive are not attached to your parent or parents (in children) feel like you have to act older or younger than you should, such as by caring for your siblings or sucking your thumb (in children)

Look for signs of sexual abuse. Sexual abuse also has some distinct signs that you can look for. This form of abuse is most common in children. You may be suffering from sexual abuse if you: have ever been asked or forced to do something sexually that you were not comfortable doing or did not want to do avoid a specific person because of the way he or she interacts with you have a hard time sitting or walking due to abuse have knowledge of sexual acts that you should not do not want to get undressed in front of people have an STD or have gotten pregnant at a young age are planning to run away from home

Determine if you are in an abusive relationship. Sometimes it can be difficult to recognize abuse within a relationship. However, there are some clear signs that you may be involved in an abusive relationship. You may be in an abusive relationship if you: feel like you have to go along with everything your partner says always have to check in with your partner are overly eager to please your partner are worried about making your partner jealous or upsetting him or her often get harassing calls from your partner

Getting Help for Abuse

Seek help. If you are involved in an abusive relationship, the first thing that you need to do is to find some help for yourself. Talk to someone who you can trust, such as a close friend, a teacher, or a counselor. Tell the person what you have been dealing with and ask for help to get out of the situation. If you talk to a teacher or counselor, then he or she will be required to report the abuse and it is possible that you will need to go and live somewhere else for a while. Remember that this is for your protection, not to punish you. If you suspect that someone else is being abused, then you can make an anonymous report to help the person.

Make a plan to get away from your abuser. Continuing to live with your abuser puts you in constant danger of further abuse, so it is not a good idea to stay in the same household. If you are in a situation where you live with your abuser, then the best thing to do is to make a plan to get out. Talk to a trusted family member or friend to develop an escape plan. You may also want to seek help from the authorities if you are concerned that your abuser will try to come after you. Determine what items you need to bring with you and try to have them ready to go when you are ready to leave. Packing a bag might be too obvious, but you can keep the items that you want to bring along in the same drawer or in a corner of your closet. Call the National Domestic Abuse Helpline at 1-800-799-SAFE for help with developing an escape plan.

Leave when your abuser is not at home. Leaving an abuser can be the most dangerous time in an abusive relationship, so it is best to leave when your abuser is not at home. For example, you might plan to leave while your abuser is at work or out with friends. If leaving when your abuser is not at home is not an option, then you may want to ask some friends and/or family members to be there when you leave.

Seek therapy. Recovering from abuse can take years and it requires the guidance of a trained mental health professional, such as a therapist. Make sure that you seek professional help as you recover from an abusive relationship.