How to Get Someone to Be Your Best Friend Again

Making Amends After a Fight

Reflect on the argument. After having a fight with a friend, you may be feeling upset, mad or hurt. Focus on these feelings and think about what happened to produce them. Though the argument may have been major, your friendship should not be characterized by one bad day. Think about the argument in the grand scheme of things. Write out your thoughts. Often times, your emotions can be chaotic after a fight. Take some time to jot down how you feel and the things you regret. Remind yourself that fights are a natural part of any relationship. If handled correctly, however, they can make your friendship stronger.

Prepare to apologize. Though the argument may not have been your fault exclusively, if you want to reconnect with your friend, you’ll need to step up and be the bigger person and apologize. You must think of the ways in which you are at fault and be prepared to acknowledge and apologize for them when it comes time to talk to your friend. You might say something like “I am so sorry for saying those hurtful things that I said to you and I know that that behavior is unacceptable. I don’t want to speak to my friends in that way, especially not my best friend. I hope you will forgive me.” Your friend will likely feel very moved by your apology and may apologize as well. Be sure to think of the ways that they hurt you as well so that you can articulate that when the time comes. You may need a little time before you are ready to apologize. That's okay! Wait until you are calm and rational to apologize.

Get in touch. After having thought about the fight in depth, it is now time to reach out to your friend. If you have their number, text or call them. You can also reach out to them on social media as well or via mutual friends if necessary. You may want to send a text that reads something like “I know the last time we talked ended on bad terms. I have thought a lot about the fight and what I did and said and I want to tell you that I’m sorry. I miss you and I’d like to sit down and talk sometime soon if you have time.” If your friend does not want to meet you, consider writing them a letter apologizing since you cannot offer your apology in person. This way, you will at least know that your friend knows you’re sorry and want to move forward, whether the feelings are reciprocated or not.

Set aside some time to meet. If they respond positively to you, now is the time to set up a meeting. Coordinate with your friend to find a time that works for both of your schedules. It can also be helpful to make sure that you don’t have much else to do on the day that you two meet, as your conversation may take a while. You might say something like “Hey, wanna go somewhere to talk for a bit? We could meet for lunch or go take a walk.” Meet in a neutral, quiet place. A park or a coffee shop are great places to meet that are relaxed and chill. This will set the mood for a less tense conversation.

Be sincere and honest. If your best friend knows you, and they likely do, they will know if you are being genuine or not. When offering your apology, Apologize for exactly what you are sorry for. Reassure them that you will avoid making mistakes like that in the future. Admit responsibility for your part in the fight. Don’t make excuses for your behavior. Give up the need to be right.

Listen. Though you have thought about the argument and your role in it, you still may not be fully aware of why they are upset. Take some time during this conversation to listen to the ways that you have hurt them. This last incident could just have been the last straw for them, but there could have been other times that you were rude to them that you haven’t considered. Apologize for the ways you have hurt them apart from this latest issue. Think critically about what they are saying to you so that you don’t apologize just to end the conversation. Make sure that any “I’m sorry” you offer is genuine.

Offer your friendship. After you have apologized, and perhaps received an apology as well, express to them how much you miss their friendship and want it back. This is a great way to end the conversation on a positive note and to express your wishes. You can say something like “I’m so sorry, again, for hurting you, but I don’t want this to end our friendship. Will you be my best friend again?” Don’t present this as an ultimatum and don’t make them decide in the moment unless they want to.

Give them some space. After this heavy conversation, your friend will likely need some time to think, and that is okay. End the conversation with a hug if they are willing and tell them to reach out to you when and if they feel that they are ready. You can tell them “I know this might be a lot to take in in one day and that the feelings from our argument are still fresh, so please take some time to think and I’ll be here when you’re ready to talk.” It can take time and effort to rebuild trust again, especially after a major fight. Apologizing alone may not be enough, but if you give your friend space, they may come to trust you again.

Reconnecting After Time Apart

Get in touch. Perhaps you are looking to reconnect with a friend from middle school who you haven’t seen in years or an old friend you used to work with. The very first step in renewing your friendship with this person is getting in touch with them. If you have their phone number, give them a call or shoot them a text to initiate contact. You may say something like “I hope you’re doing well! We haven’t spoken in a while but I’ve been thinking about you a lot lately and wanted to see how you’re doing and what you’ve been up to.” Get in touch via social media. If you don’t have their phone number, this could be a great way to find them and reach out. Get in touch via mutual friends. If you have mutual friends between the two of you, reach out to them so they can help you reconnect.

Find out what they’ve been up to. Take some time to chat with your friend once you’ve reconnected about what’s new in their life since you last spoke. Ask them about school, work, their parents, or their relationship. Make sure to display genuine interest when asking them about their lives. This will show them that you care and will help restore your friendship.

Update them about your life. After getting updates about them, tell them what’s new with you. Share if you got into college somewhere or got a promotion at work, or even smaller updates that you think they’ll find interesting. You can say something like “I recently got into college at the local University and I’m so excited about it. I remember that you were applying there, too.” Be sure not to dominate the conversation with information about you.

Meet at a place where you can talk. If you two live in the same city or within a reasonable distance from each other, set aside some time to meet in person. This will help strengthen your bond more than chats on the phone or through text. If you don’t live close, try FaceTiming or Skyping with them. You could invite them out by saying “Wanna grab lunch one day soon downtown? Or go see a movie? I’d love to hangout.” If you do meet up, avoid meeting in a loud or noisy place. One idea is to meet for coffee or lunch.

Talk about why you drifted apart. If you two haven’t spoken for some time, it may be necessary to at least broach the topic of why that occurred. Did one of you move away and has recently returned home? Or maybe you simply grew apart over the years. Either way, discuss why you lost touch. Keep the conversation light, though. Don’t pressure them to talk about it and don’t make it tense. Consider beginning the conversation like “It’s been so nice catching up with you. I often think about how we drifted apart. When you moved away, I thought things would be different, but I didn’t know how much. I’ve really missed you.”

Make a promise to connect more often. After you’ve had the conversation, tell them that you don’t want to lose touch again and that you’ve enjoyed spending time with them. Since this person used to be your best friend, they will likely welcome this reconnection with open arms. Make a promise to call and see each other more and actually follow through. More than anything else, keeping your promises and following up with your friend will help rebuild your friendship. If you truly care about your friend, make an effort to stay in touch.

Redeveloping Your Connection

Continue conversations. After your initial conversations, continue talking to your friend regularly. Call and text them at least weekly. The amount of contact you have will depend upon your ages as well as the frequency with which you use to communicate. For instance, if you are in high school, it is normal to talk to your best friends every day. However, if you are older and working, you may speak less regularly as you will have other responsibilities to manage. Make sure not to be the only one initiating contact. If you find that nine times out of ten, you’re the one reaching out first, give your friend some space to breathe. If they reach out first, it will make your friendship stronger and more mutual.

Reminisce about good memories. Take some time with your friend to reflect on the great memories that you have shared with one another. This would be a great time to bring out your photo album or look at your mutual photos on social media. Sit and reminisce with your friend to remind each other of these times and the good times to come. You might want to say something like “Remember that time we went to the movies and we laughed so hard we were crying? We really had so much fun together.”

Do the things you used to do. In addition to reflecting, go out and recreate those fun memories! If you and your friend love to go to the beach, play sports, or go out to the movies, do all of those things again. This is a great way to remind each other of why you became friends in the first place and to move on from your fight.

Redevelop trust if necessary. One other way to strengthen your newly rekindled bond is to further develop your trust. Though you and your friend may feel that you have not skipped a beat since your reconnected, your sense of trust may need to be reestablished. Work on communicating with them regularly to develop a mutual sense of dependability. One way to develop trust is to share secrets with each other. As your friendships progresses, begin divulging new information about yourself that they didn’t know before, and asking them to do the same. You can even make a game out of it.

Try something new together. In addition to doing things with them that you used to enjoy doing together, you can also try new things! Trying something new is a good way to get both of you out of your comfort zone and even to face your fears together. Bond over cooking a new dish together or trying out a new sport. You can also conquer a mutual fear like a fear of heights together by riding a rollercoaster or something similar. Your friendship may change in new and unexpected ways. Embrace this change. Try to avoid dwelling on how things were before.

Enjoy your new friendship. Perhaps things will fall back into place and you’ll feel that you haven’t missed a day together, which is wonderful. But things can feel different as well, and that’s okay, too. Enjoy your new, stronger and more mature friendship and celebrate having your best friend back!