How to Tell Your Guy Friend You Like Him More Than As a Friend

Planning for Your Conversation

Practice what you want to say. Once you’ve gotten down the general gist of what you want to say, practice it in front of the mirror. If you feel comfortable, practice it in front of a friend. Your friend can give you feedback on how you sound, and if you should rephrase anything. Don’t go over the top and confess undying love, just make sure you get the point across. Remember, it’s okay if you look a bit nervous. Everybody knows that asking out a friend is nerve-wracking. Just focus on sounding clear and fairly casual.

Tell your crush that you want to talk to him in private. If your crush is single, then it’s time for you to be brave and ask him. Talking in person is the best way to go, because it’s much easier to judge people’s reactions and emotions in person, rather than over text. It’s also best to have this conversation in private, because you’re about to be really vulnerable. If he says yes, having the conversation in private would pay off in case you two want to start kissing. If you’re really too shy to ask him out in person, then you can ask him out over text. You can text him something like, “Can you meet after school in the park? I have something I need to talk about with you,” or, “I need to talk with you about something. Are you free to meet in private some afternoon this week?” If you’re afraid he might think something’s wrong, you can add, “Don’t worry, it’s nothing bad.”

Give yourself a pep-talk. Remind yourself about all of your good qualities, or have a friend remind you if you’re feeling too nervous. Remember: you are a valuable, wonderful person, worthy of love, and your crush could very well like you back. Also, if your current crush rejects you, it does not say anything about your value as a person. Maybe the timing isn’t right, or he’s interested in someone else, or he has a lot on his mind right now. Giving yourself a pep-talk will boost your self-confidence and prepare you for the conversation. Tell yourself something like, “I am a kind, creative person and he would be lucky to date me.” Remind yourself of your qualities that you are most proud of, like your bravery, honesty, work ethic, or joy-de-vivre. Maybe you are a great dancer or a basketball player, or you always make your friends laugh. Tell yourself all the reasons you are wonderful. Tell yourself, “I am beautiful. I am worthy of love. If he doesn’t like me, someone else will.”

Set up a support in case of rejection. Brace yourself for the worst. Your friend might reject you, and you might feel heartbroken. Recognize that this might happen. Everybody goes through heartbreak at some point in their life, and it’s really hard, but over time you get over it. Before you ask your guy friend out, tell a different trusted friend about the brave thing you’re about to do. That way, if it goes poorly, your other friend can come over and comfort you with a big hug and lots of encouragement, instead of you sitting alone. It will feel less scary if you know your other friend is rooting for you, and is just a phone call away. This way you’ll have somebody to celebrate with if it goes well, too.

Don’t ask your crush out if he’s currently in a relationship. Even though there’s a very small chance that he’ll leave his relationship to be with you, that’s very rare. Generally, he will find it awkward and threatening to his current relationship. Find out if he’s single to ask him out. You should also try to find out his sexuality, if you’re not sure. You should find out if he’s gay or straight or bi, to see if you have a chance, depending on your gender. If you’re really crushing on your friend who’s in a relationship, or isn’t into people who are your gender, try dating other people to take your mind off it.

Asking Him Out

Acknowledge that what you’re about to say might be surprising. Telling him this prepares him a little bit emotionally for what you’re about to say, so he isn’t shocked. It also acknowledges that you are thinking about and anticipating his feelings, so he won’t feel guilty if he shows surprise. Say, “I realize this might be surprising but I just wanted to let you know how I’ve been feeling lately.”

Ask him out clearly, but casually. Be clear that you like him as more than a friend but you don’t profess your undying love. That would be startling if he never thought about you like that before. Say something like, “Lately I’ve been feeling like I like you as more than a friend. I was wondering if you might want to go on a date sometime?” Avoid asking, “Do you like me back?” or “Will you be my boyfriend?” because he might not have developed feelings for you yet, but he might be open to exploring the possibility by going on a date with you. It’s very important to be clear and use scary words like “date” because otherwise he might not get that you’re asking him out.

Make your feelings seem recent. If he says yes, and you start a relationship, you can tell him the truth later about how long you liked him, if it's been a long time. Otherwise, it’s best to keep it a secret to help make your friendship feel less awkward. Even if you’ve been pining for your friend for months or years, say, “Recently I’ve been feeling…” or “Lately I’ve been feeling…” so that he doesn’t freak out. This takes the pressure off, and isn’t really lying, because “lately” and “recently” could be defined in many ways.

Be clear that the friendship is your top priority. Make it clear that you weren’t just friends with your guy friend because you wanted to get with him. Your guy friend will feel comforted knowing that he won’t lose your friendship, no matter if he wants to go out with you or not. Say, “Our friendship is my top priority, so if you don’t want to go out, I understand, and I don’t want this to mess up our friendship.”

Respect his answer. Real life isn’t like a rom-com where you can convince someone to love you by talking them into it. Instead, you should respect his feelings. If he says no, don’t try to talk him around. Imagine how you’d feel if somebody you rejected kept pestering you to change your mind. Try to remember that a rejection doesn’t say anything about your value as a person, or your chances of finding love in the long term. It just means that this one guy likes you as a friend, and not as a crush.

Expect changes in your friendship. If he says yes, your friendship will change because you will both figure out where you want to go from there. You might want to go on a date, start kissing, or whatever feels right for you. If he says no, you’ll both have some “fake-it-till-you-make-it” to do, pretending things aren’t awkward, until, eventually, they’ll stop feeling awkward. Though you might be feeling embarrassed or heartbroken now, it is possible to keep a friendship after a rejection. You may have to give yourself some time and space to heal, but with time you can get over the rejection, fall for someone else, and still keep this friendship in your life. If you two decide to start dating, you should have a conversation sometime soon about how this will affect hanging out with mutual friends, and other aspects of your friendship.