What does counting shoulders mean?
Counting shoulders is a flirty technique to put your arm around a crush. This technique involves going up to your crush and asking if they want to count shoulders. If they say yes, you’d then count each of your shoulders, each of their shoulders, and finish by putting your arm around them. Counting your shoulders is a fun, playful flirting technique that’s often used to build some light romantic tension. Meet the wikiHow Experts Suzanna Mathews is a Dating & Relationship Coach with over a decade of experience. As the founder of The Date Maven, she specializes in elevating clients’ dating lives. Julianne Cantarella is a Dating & Relationship Coach who specializes in helping women heal from heartbreak and create healthy, long-term relationships. John Keegan is a Dating Coach in New York City who specializes in dating, attraction, and social dynamics to help others find love. He has over 15 years of experience.
How to Count Shoulders
Start by asking your crush if they want to count shoulders. The point of counting your shoulders is to have a fun, flirty experience, so ask your crush if they want to count shoulders first to make sure they’re just as interested. They may be a little confused at first, but explain that it’s a quick game where you count both sets of shoulders.
Count your shoulders, then your crush’s, ending with your arm around them. Start by counting your shoulder farthest from your crush. For example, if they’re sitting to your left, start with your right shoulder. Count that first shoulder as 1, your closer shoulder as 2, your partner’s closer shoulder as 3, then their furthest shoulder as 4. When you say 4, rest your arm on their shoulder.
The Counting Shoulders TikTok Meme
Counting shoulders has become a meme on TikTok. The meme is framed as any standard game of count your shoulders. First, one person asks someone if they can count shoulders. They then count their own shoulders and count the second person’s shoulders, putting their arm around them as they do. The gag is that the second person playfully gasps when the other person puts their arm around them, which makes for a quick, funny pick-me-up when you’re scrolling. TikTok Example: On July 30, 2025, @titant0ny and a friend counted shoulders. As the first counted the shoulders, Tony gasped and slightly bounced in the air when he had an arm put around him, which was met with laughs from the cameraman. TikTok Example: On August 22, 2025, @oliviaa.fay and a friend from class counted shoulders. When she put her arm around him, he gasped as Faye Webster drew a breath (they used a sound from her song “in a good way”). TikTok Example: On August 3, @user22246290 made a TikTok with a friend where they counted shoulders. The friend jumped when she had an arm put around her, which made both of them crack up!
Is counting shoulders a good flirting technique?
As long as you have fun and follow it up with some banter, yes! According to dating and relationship coach Suzanna Mathews, “The core of flirting is simply playfulness.” It’s about having fun and making sure both people feel uplifted. So, counting shoulders is just fine for flirting as long as you have some fun! Follow the game up with some fun, light banter, too, to casually get to know the person you’re flirting with better.
Other Fun Flirting Techniques
Playfully rizz up your crush. Use some flirty rizz lines or playfully compliment your crush to get to know them and improve your odds of getting romantic with them (whether that’s going on a date or making them your partner is up to you!). Can’t think of any flirty rizz lines? Try some of these: “Am I fishing? Cuz you’re the perfect catch!” “I lost my phone number. Can I borrow yours?” “Are you the school stairs? Cuz you take my breath away!” “I’m not a photographer or anything, but for some reason, I can picture us together ????” “Are you my grades? Cuz you’re bad asf ????”
Use humor to spice up the situation. Dating & relationship coach Julianne Cantarella says using humor is a great way to flirt. If there’s something you can humorously speak to, especially on a dating profile, speak to it. Humor’s attractive! If you’re not sure how to joke with your crush or make them laugh, try these tips: Send them TikToks they’d find funny. Use corny pick-up lines to make them laugh. Break the ice by playfully referring to something on their profile if you’re on a dating app.
Send them fun, lightly flirty videos. Dating coach John Keegan suggests sending your crush fun, flirty videos that remind you of them. Don’t cross the line and over-express your love. Instead, send “something light and fun that kind of crosses the line between being friends and into lovers,” Keegan says.
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