New Delhi: A rape is a rape regardless of the relationship between the rapist and the victim. Is it acceptable that in a civilised society a man can force a woman to satisfy his urge just because he has had consensual sex in the past with the woman? This is the question confronting us when we debate Marital Rape. And every time this topic comes up, those who believe that there cannot be 'rape' in a marriage bring out a passionate religious argument to support their case.
Infact our Minister of State Home Haribhai Parathibhai Chaudhary, whose duty is to uphold our constitution,that guarantees all Indians the Right to Life, Liberty, Justice and Equality used exactly the same 'marriage is sacred' and 'religious beliefs' defence in Parliament when he said his government was not going to criminalise Marital Rapes.
In India, we are often told "Pati Parmeshwar Hota Hai" ( The husband is God) and perhaps this teaching is being used to support some men's views that a wife cannot tell her husband "NO". After all the husband is God and it is his divine right to "take it" as and when he pleases, no matter what his wife's health or how she is feeling, or even her disagreements. And the wife well she simply must submit.
Rape is not about sex or love. It's about power, ego and control. And men who rape their partners have this need to dominate and maintain their authority and superiority in the relationship and they force themselves on their wife even if she is unwilling.
Most women who are victims of marital rape have great difficulty in defining it. The idea that marriage means a woman does not have a sovereign right over her own body and sexuality, is much prevalent. A wife who is raped often questions her decision to refuse sexual intercourse with her husband. Infact such is the plight of women, that most cannot even discuss this subject with their own parents and even if they do, in many cases societal pressure or the future of the children or financial dependence forces the woman to continue the relationship with the abusive husband.
Research indicates that marital rape often has severe consequences. Women who are beaten up by their husbands before being raped can suffer injuries to their private organs, soreness, internal bleeding and brusing. Other consequences of marital rape could include unwanted pregnancies, miscarriages, infections and sexually transmitted diseases. Wives who are raped by their husbands could also suffer severe psychological consequences like depression,living in fear, getting suicidal thoughts, nightmares, sleeping disorders, inferiority complex and could end up becoming sexually dysfunctional.
Yet in India both the legislature and the judiciary have failed to recognise marital rape. While there are laws against domestic violence and dowry the most shameful act in which a husband forces himself sexually on his wife, thinking that it is his right to have sex with her even without her consent has failed to be considered as a crime.
While we have already covered the religious arguments that are used to justify this horrible crime the legal shield that allowed for men to do as they pleased with their wives can be traced back to statements made by Sir Matthew Hale, Chief Justice in 17th Century England. Lord Hale wrote that: 'the husband cannot be guilty of rape committed by himself upon his lawful wife, for by their mutual consent and contract the wife hath given up herself this kind unto her husband which she cannot retract'.
Isn't it a matter of shame, that our country, that has made so much progress in various fields is incapable of bestowing the rights of our women. And what use will it be if we conquer the moon or land on Mars, or build missiles that can hit targets across continents or launch rockets or accumalte wealth if we simply cannot give dignity and respect to our partner. Those who argue against Marital Rape laws put forward the arguments.
1) That it is almost impossible to prove marital rape. It is implied in a marriage the couple will have a sexual relationship. Just because a crime may be difficult to prove does not justify someone committing it. Studies show that bringing in a law that recognises marital rape, does act like a deterrent. Moreover, having an intimate relationship out of love and consent cannot be the same as being forced against one's will.
2) Another argument made is a vengeful wife may use the law to charge innocent husband of the offence of marital rape. If proving actual rape in a marriage is difficult, proving a fabricated charge beyond reasonable doubt will be even more difficult.
3) Marital Rape laws will destroy marriages.
Any husband who rapes his wife has already destroyed their marriage. To allow someone to get away with rape only to protect the 'institution' makes no sense. For far too long in our country, women have been treated as second class citizens. Marriage is not a licence to have legal sex even if the wife is unwilling. There is an urgent need to change mindsets and give our women the dignity they deserve. Women have a sovereign right over their bodies and this includes her right to say no. We need to respect their sexual rights, their sexual choices and anyone violating that must be punished.
As for the Government they have taken a stand that they believe marriage is considered as a "sacrament" - we truly wish our Prime Minister had thought the same way about it.
(Monicka Vadera 30, is a leading jewellery designer and is passionate about issues concerning rights of women and animals. Tehseen Poonawalla 32, is an entrepreneur and political commentator. He will soon be appearing on a television series. The two are engaged).
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