KOCHI: The city is in the midst of change. Always a conservative and traditional place, the winds of modernity are blowing fast into Kochi. With satellite television and internet, exposure is great all around and no idea is too shocking for the young Kochiite anymore. Outsiders curiously enquire, “Aren’t Malayalis very, very horny?” A good chance that is true, but the society is still largely mute on topics of sex. It’s another thing that both genders enjoy talking about it privately, and even women are amazingly cued into the subject.Most know about different sexual terms and positions, and the embarrassment is more about not being in the loop, than knowing it all. The obvious thing is then to find out if youngsters’ attitude to virginity and sex have changed. We spoke to a cross-section of youngsters, and many seemed okay with the idea of premarital sex.“I don’t believe in virginity. Since most women accept men who have had sexual encounters before, it should be the same for the women as well,” says college student Vrishali. The males say they are not expecting their prospectives to be a virgin but would ideally like it that way. “It would be better if she is a virgin. It’s a wish,” says Madhu of SCMS. The age old belief of spiritual love too has gone out of the window. “There is no love. There is only lust. After a couple of months romance invariably leads to a physical relationship,” says Dimple from Rajagiri. Many students feel that one of the reasons why women don’t feel very safe in States like Kerala and are at a constant risk of being eve-teased etc is because there is plenty of sexual repression. “I was in Maharashtra. There nobody gives a damn about live-in relations. Both boys and girls are satisfied with their sex life, but in Kerala, it is still treated like a taboo. We all know that sexual feelings are normal to have. If guys here could just get the sex they want from their partners, they wouldn’t become a nuisance to other women,” says Rupali, an IT professional.Zephi Henry from IIPM also has somewhat similar thoughts about virginity. “I think having premarital sex with the person you love is good. Waiting till marriage to lose virginity is really ridiculous. I believe sex is just another form of love and sharing. I would never want my wife to be a virgin, as those experienced are more knowledgeable and understanding.” However having a relationship with a prostitute is not acceptable, adds Zephi. Even though there are guys who think like Zephi, for some, virginity still holds currency. “Virginity and premarital sex is a personal thing...depends on a person's background and openness. I don’t mind having sex with the person I love, but if I am going in for an arranged marriage I will definitely go for a girl who is pure in every sense. In my circle of friends I think 99% of guys still like their wife to be a virgin,” says Eklavya from Government Law College. “I am traditional that way. I believe in the sanctity of marriage and the one-man-for-a-lifetime theory. But personally I don’t mind my friends having premarital relationships,” says Richa from St Teresa’s. All this clearly means that Kochi’s youngsters are opening up to the concept of premarital sex. “We only want our life partners to be loyal after marriage,” says Deepthi student from AIIMS. Compared to the boys, a majority number of girls have accepted the idea that they may not be marrying a virgin. Expectedly, the male population is still a bit reluctant and undecided on the subject.(some names have been changed)[email protected]
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