We have always conditioned our mind to think that it is not okay to fight. Just because we think peace is good, we shun war-like situations at home, between friends or countries. However, clarity of mind is what real peace is about and this clarity is never going to come if two people are always smiling at each other and hiding each others’ real feelings.True friendship can never blossom if the relation is controlled to maintain peace all the time. It is perfectly okay for people or couples to fight. Of course, in all circumstances, it is important to see that the fighting does not get physical, causing injury to the other. If that happens, especially among couples, you must note that something is seriously wrong. Physical abuse is not to be tolerated and proper action has to be taken after such incidents. The best way to reduce the occurrence of such incidents is through awareness. Mark the time, date and circumstance of the event and be watchful for the triggers in future. It can be between anyone, but frequent fighting is common. The reason is that on a day-to-day basis, their lives are lived without awareness. Awareness here means noting when anger can strike, understanding what happened the last time we got angry and threw tantrums, how people get hurt because of our anger and how we accuse and blame others for the situation. If you remember that, you realise that you are especially responsible for what happens in life around you. You are in a position to understand that you yourself invited the situation to your mind. Once you have called it and the ball is set to roll, just observe the flow of your own anger as a silent spectator. If you wish, you can take a few deep breaths. Breathing deep gives instant clarity of mind. There are two ways to hold the mind in place. One is by controlling your thoughts. Every time you find yourself getting angry, replace that negative thought with positive ones of love and forgiveness. But this is not an easy thing to do. Once anger mounts, you are already galloping on the horse at top speed and don’t know where you will crash. It is the same as jockey on the saddle of a mad horse, riding with his eyes closed. So, when a fight happens, just observe it. It is not wrong for a fight to occur for a first time, but there is something seriously wrong if the same incident repeats itself. You have to watch it, take a few deep breaths and act on the new-found clarity.
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