As actor Shriya Pilgaonkar says in Bumble’s popular content series, Dating These Nights, “There’s save the dates and due dates but there’s also let’s go on a date?’” When you are dating in your 30s, you’re more aware of yourself, you have a higher degree of self-love, you’re more intentional about dating, and you’re quite clear about what you are looking for in a partner.
“There’s just something about your fourth decade that makes you feel way more grounded and secure in who you are. You also have life experiences under your belt now, which means you know more about what you do and don’t want in life and in a partner. Our recent research shows that people now want to date the way that works best for them, without compromises, and we want to encourage single Indians to date as their authentic self without inhibitions, on our app”, shares Samarpita Samaddar, India Communications Director, Bumble.
The best part about dating after 30 is that we more or less know what we need, want and are looking for in a relationship. “But at times we forget that and get swayed away by the glamorized and over romanticized relationships depicted in the movies or what we see on social media. So prepping a quick list maybe a good idea to help you remind yourself what you are really looking for,” says Kanika Khosla, psychologist.
Here are some tips to help navigate dating in your 30s
Age is just a number
Date at your own timeline and own terms. Don’t let societal pressure to get married by a certain age get to you. “Finding the right partner or even getting married should have nothing to do with age. It should only be about you–whether you are ready for it and if you have met the person you want to take this step with,” says Shahzeen Shivdasani, relationship expert.
Be yourself
Know who you are and clearly communicate what you want. Dating apps empower you to date more intentionally and communicate what matters the most to you. Don’t be afraid to be your authentic self as you put yourself out there.
Have a confidant
Sometimes when we’re lovestruck and in a new relationship all over again, we tend to fall into the same dating pattern as our previous relationships. “A confidant may offer you a zoomed out, third person perspective. But remember to take your own decisions,” adds Khosla.
Don’t hold back because of your past experiences
Our experiences may cause scars that we wear as a shield to protect us from not getting hurt again. When in fact it’s these experiences that teach us what we want and don’t want from a relationship. The key is to learn from your past and build on those learnings as you further explore dating. When getting to know someone, do not let past experiences interfere as you form a new bond.
Take your time and take the pressure off
When getting to know someone, take your time and decide if this is the person you really want to be with. “Get to know them better and spend time with them, even if it is virtual. Love doesn’t have an expiry date, and let it happen when it’s meant to be. While you may really want to be in a relationship at this point in your life, it is important to ensure that it is the right one for you,” adds Shivdasani.
Introspect before diving into a new relationship
Define a few subjective terms for yourself like love, companionship, partner, etc. “All of these mean different things to different people. So it maybe a good idea to introspect a bit and know what these things mean to you and for you,” opines Khosla. Thrill and fun are short lived. Know what you’re there for. Are you there for a fling it a long term relationship. “A long term relationship will get boring eventually and the dynamics change with each passing year. Learn to grow and evolve in a relationship. Try and keep up with the changing definitions of love and companionship,” feels Khosla.
Respect boundaries
It’s extremely crucial to set boundaries when dating someone. Try to give them time and space instead of rushing into things. As much as relationships are about two people making a life together, healthy relationships are also the ones where you have an identity of your own.
Be open to dating outside your comfort zone
It’s the perfect time to branch out from your conventional choices. Be open to meeting new people, date someone who isn’t your type.
Be kind
If something is not working out with the person that you are dating, remember to be kind–to them and to yourself. No one likes to be ghosted or treated like they don’t matter. All of us deserve the same respect that we would want to be given.
Listen to your intuition
You have suffered some bad and good relationships. Your intuition should be sharpened enough to guide you through this new map.
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