Are You In a Situationship? What It Is & What to Do

• Situationships are casual, flexible romantic relationships with zero commitments or expectations.
• If you and your companion avoid labeling your relationship, skip talking about the future, and don't have many emotional conversations, it may be a situationship.
• Although expectations and commitments are on the wayside, communicate your boundaries clearly in a situationship.

What is a situationship?

A situationship is a flexible romantic relationship. Think of it as something between a casual hookup and a committed relationship. The terms of the relationship are undefined and casual, with the hopes that there won’t be any commitments. Basically, it’s an ambiguous relationship (neither good or bad) that relies on circumstance, occurring at a time and place that works for both parties. Situationships and dating aren’t the same, as dating involves expecting a possible future together and committing to one another’s lives. In a friends-with-benefits relationship, there are usually clear boundaries on emotional attachment, whereas situationships rarely do. One major pro of a situationship is that you can explore your dating preferences and sexuality without commitments or expectations. Leading cons of a situationship are emotional vulnerability and a lack of support, since the relationship will likely stop abruptly.

Signs You’re in a Situationship

You’re unsure what to call the relationship. There are inconsistencies in a situationship. One person may have stronger feelings for the other, one week may consist of more hookups, and/or a whole month could go by without talking. If you’re not sure if you’re dating, hooking up, or “seeing each other,” it may be a sign you’re in a situationship. Basically, no label equals a situationship.

You feel confused. One thing’s for certain: situationships are confusing. Unlike a friends-with-benefits situation, there’s time and space in a situationship to open up with each other; however, being vulnerable without stability can cause conflicting emotions. For instance, say you tell them something extremely personal while you’re together. But despite what you said, they ghost you a week later. This isn’t purposeful; it’s just a part of a situationship—the ability to detach and step back whenever.

You’re anxious about sharing your feelings with them. Communicating authentically in a situationship can be difficult because you don’t rely on each other for emotional support. If you’re worried about expressing your emotions with them, it may be because you don’t know where the relationship stands, which is a definitive sign of a situationship. Typically, situationships are unstable and inconsistent, making it harder for you to express yourself. Think of it this way: the more you can open up to someone, the more secure your relationship is.

There’s more than one person in the picture. Since situationships aren’t exclusive, there’s no rule saying you can’t have more than one romantic interest. Chances are, if one or both of you are dating or seeing someone else, it could be a situationship. If your situationship partner is seeing someone else, it’s possible they’re polyamorous or in an open relationship. However, if your personal relationship with them is still undefined, it could be a situationship.

You haven’t met their friends or family. Because a situationship doesn’t require commitment, they may hold you at arm's length when it comes to their personal life. Introducing you to their loved ones could become messy, especially if you only get together in specific situations. This can go both ways. Maybe you’re hesitant to introduce them to your family and friends (and not because you’re nervous they won’t like them). Keep in mind that situationships can happen amongst friends, so knowing people in the same friend group is a possibility.

There are no plans for the future. With no commitments or expectations, there’s no need to talk about the future. You don’t make plans in advance to see each other; typically, it happens on a whim. There’s also no set time on how long you spend together or what the future has in store for the relationship. In other words, you both play things out in the spur of the moment. You may have some serious discussions, but they’ll rarely involve where you see the relationship going (dating, marriage, etc.). Along with this, you don’t celebrate milestones together (birthdays, holidays, graduations, etc.) because there’s no intent to be a constant presence in each others’ lives.

They say they don’t want a serious relationship. If you’re told outright that things won’t ever get “real,” then you’re most likely in a situationship. They’re setting their boundaries: no commitments. The casual nature of the relationship indicates that things will likely stay ambiguous and not progress any further. If this is what you want too, fantastic! But if it isn’t, state your boundaries and expectations upfront to avoid future confusion.

What to Do if You’re in a Situationship

Be open and honest with each other. Communication is essential in any relationship, even a situationship. If you’re in a situationship, communicate honestly about where you stand in the relationship. Knowing how you both feel can help eliminate anxieties and pressures.

Try not to assume the relationship will progress. Never expect a situationship to make up for a relationship you can’t have. If you go into a situationship with the mindset that things will progress into a real relationship, you may be in it for the wrong reasons. Remember, situationships are flexible and circumstantial; they don’t always lead to committed partnerships. Ask yourself what you really want in the relationship. Why do you want a situationship? What are you looking to gain or learn?

Be respectful of boundaries. In a situationship, being direct about what you want from the relationship is important. Talk about your preferences and comfort levels while setting clear boundaries. This way, you’ll both know what each other wants, needs, and expects romantically and emotionally.

Leave when you feel it’s best. One of the worst things you can do in a situationship is stay when things are no longer serving you. If you feel like the situationship has run its course or you’ve met someone else, kindly end things. Use the situationship as a learning experience. How have you grown from the experience? What would you do differently in your next partnership?

Common Expectations for Situationships

The relationship is temporary. Situationships thrive off of zero commitments. Because of this, there’s no promise for the future. You hookup, get together, and hang out when the time is right. Then, when the romantic chemistry fades or you go down different paths, the situationship ends.

Nothing’s exclusive. With no labels, there’s no rule to say you both can’t date someone else. Until there’s a serious discussion about what your relationship is, you’re single and ready to mingle.

You can still care for each other. A lack of commitment doesn’t mean a lack of sympathy. Emotions come with intimacy, no matter how much you try to suppress them. Before getting into a situationship, it’s important to acknowledge that caring for someone is okay, even if you’re not technically dating. Acknowledge if you're ready to be intimate with someone and possibly make a connection without commitment. If you're not, a situationship may not be for you.

Can a situationship turn into something more?

Situationships can lead to relationships. Depending on where you and your companion stand, your situationship can become a labeled relationship; however, you must be open and honest with each other. If you feel like you're developing true feelings for them, don’t let them stay hidden. Communicate your wants and desires and see how things go. Who knows? A casual situationship could turn into a lifetime commitment.

Can situationships be unhealthy?

Situationships can easily turn toxic. Although situationships may work for some, they can quickly become unhealthy, which is why it’s important to look out for red flags. If you’re in a situationship, keep an eye out for these signs, as they may mean it’s time to cut things off: Inconsistent communication: They only call or text when it fits their schedule. Secrecy: Your companion refuses to spend time with you in public, making you feel insecure. Sexual interest only: The relationship is purely sexual, and they don’t care about your feelings. Controlling behavior: Your companion dictates what you do romantically with others, even if your relationship is unlabeled.