How Long Should You Wait to Ask for a Third Date?

If the first two dates went well: a day or two.

If you know you want a third date, don’t wait too long. It’s understandable to want to wait. If they text or call you asking for a third date, it’s a huge sign that they’re just as into you as you are into them. However, they may be thinking the same thing! If your first two dates were really fun and you see some potential here, consider reaching out to them first and asking for the third date after a day or two. Try not to get super up in your head about this. If you like them and they like you, they’re going to be happy you’re asking them out! You can absolutely continue to wait if you want them to ask you out first, but just know that you may lose some of that romantic momentum you’ve been building.

If the sparks were flying: don’t wait at all.

The whole waiting game is a bit pointless if they’re obviously into you. The main reason you’d want to wait is information—when they ask you out on the third date, it’s proof that they’re genuinely interested in seeing you again. But if the two of you spent the second date kissing, holding hands, or laughing up a storm, you really don’t need to wait. Do not pass go and do not collect $200—fire off that request for a third date now! You can ask them out when you get home from the second date if you’d like. If you do prefer to wait, there’s nothing wrong with doing it the next day. You can even ask them out on a third date at the end of your second date if you’d like! If the first two dates were incredible and you wait too long, you may accidentally send the signal that you aren’t as interested as you originally seemed.

If you’re taking it slow: roughly a week.

If you’re just casually dating around, feel free to let things breathe. Give it space, continue texting or talking to them over the phone if you’ve been doing that and take it slow. If they ask you out in the next 5-10 days, you’ll know that the two of you are on the same page about casually exploring this. If they don’t, you can decide if you want to keep waiting or ask them out yourself in a super laid-back way. If the first two dates were kind of lukewarm, they may be waiting to see what you do first. If you are interested in continuing to date, don’t hesitate to speak up!

Don’t assume they aren’t into you if a week passes. If your first two dates were a good time but they haven’t made a move after a week or so, they may just have a lot going on. It could be that they’re busy with work, or they’ve got stuff going on in their personal life. The fact that the dates went super well means a lot, so don’t worry. This is especially likely to not be a big deal if you’re both on the older side. If you’ve got a career or you’re wrapping up college or graduate school, the third date may not be the most pressing thing right now.

If you want to see how they feel: indefinitely.

If things were kind of a mixed bag and you want reassurance, wait it out. Maybe your first two dates had potential but won’t go down in your record books under “best dates ever.” Maybe you were into it but your date was kind of wishy-washy with you. In these cases, it’s totally reasonable to let them take the lead and show them how you feel first by forcing their hand when it comes to the third date. If they never ask and things just kind of fizzle out, then you have your answer—there was probably never going to be a third date. That can be kind of upsetting, but at least you can move on and find someone ever better now that you know.

Is it okay to ask them out first?

Absolutely; asking first shows them that you really want a third date. If you’re interested in this person, there’s nothing wrong with making the first move. There’s no time like now to ask for what you want if you want that third date. They won’t think any lesser of you, and you’re probably going to make them blush with joy. If they say yes, it means that they’re just as into you as you are into them! If they say no, at least you aren’t sitting around wondering what could have been. Do not assume you can’t ask first if you’re a girl. If you like a guy, it’s totally okay to ask him out. He won’t take offense to it; in fact, you’re probably going to make his day by asking first, since guys aren’t used to that. There used to be a lot of social etiquette and rules surrounding dating. That’s not really the case anymore, and it’s extremely common for women to ask men out first.

Is the third date important?

Yes, it’s kind of the point where you determine if there’s real chemistry. The first date is where many people just get to know one another, but there’s a lot of performing. The second date tends to be where people get a vibe for one another and answer important questions about one another. That third date is where most people figure out if the relationship is worth pursuing or not. A lot of people will put up with one or two so-so dates, but three? This is where you know if you’re in or not! This isn’t to say that you should go out of your way to be anything other than what you are. Be yourself! You already got this far, so it’s safe to assume things are going well.

Don’t put too much importance on date #3 if the first two went well. If dates one and two went super well (you were kissing, holding hands, etc.), you probably don’t need to worry all that much about the third date. Some couples hit it off right away and they just know they’ve got something. If you’re getting that vibe, trust your gut.

Should I follow the three date rule?

It’s up to you, but it’s kind of an outdated guideline these days. The three date rule refers to the adage that you should wait until the third date to have sex. Make your own decisions in this department. Don’t let anyone pressure you when you aren’t ready to have sex, and don’t force yourself to not do something you want to do just to satisfy some outdated adage. Just to clarify, this is not the same thing as the “three day rule,” which refers to how long you should wait to text or call someone after you’ve met them (although that one is also outdated, too).

There does seem to be some benefit to holding off on sex, though. While there is absolutely nothing wrong with doing what you want with your body, there is some evidence that relationships are more likely to succeed when couples hold off on sex early on. Some studies suggest that couples are happier and more likely to stick together when they don’t get physically intimate after the first few dates, so rest easy if you want to wait. How long you wait is entirely up to you. There’s no concrete “sweet spot.” You might wait for 5-10 dates to pass, or hold off for 1-3 months. It’s entirely up to you.