How to Be a Good Person

Improving Yourself

Determine what being a good person means to you personally. Because interpretations of how to be a good person vary, your first step is deciding what this means to you. Remember, being a good person isn’t a superficial or skin-deep thing—it needs to come from your heart. It involves deciding on your personal code of ethics and doing your best to live by it, even when it’s hard. When you think of a “good person,” what kind of traits do they have? Make a list of these qualities to help you piece together your idea of what it means to be a good person. Common traits that people associate with being a good person include empathy, compassion, kindness, generosity, altruism, fairness, honesty, integrity, and responsibility. Certified life coach Tracey Rogers also recommends taking an “internal inventory” of the kind of person you are right now. “What is it that keeps you from being the best version of yourself? What are some wonderful aspects of yourself that you should cultivate a little more? That self inventory is a really important step,” she says.

Choose someone in your life to be your role model. Having a role model provides you with an example to look up to and emulate. This person should have traits that you admire and want to embody in your own work, creative pursuits, personal relationships, and lifestyle. Who in your life do you look up to and why? How are they making the world a better place to live in, and how can you do the same? What qualities do you admire in them, and how can you develop the same ones? When you’re confronted with a moral issue, think of how your role model would respond, and use this as a guide to help you figure out the right thing to do. Rogers also recommends asking loved ones for their input about how you can improve. “Have it be a dialogue where you ask for radical honesty in terms of how you can be a better friend, better child, better sibling, or better spouse…we should always be checking in with the people that we value the most to make sure that we’re showing up for them,” she says.

Stop comparing yourself to others. When you make yourself miserable with comparisons to others, you end up wasting time and energy that could be spent becoming the best version of yourself. You have your own unique talents and gifts, so try to focus on sharing them with the world, instead of envying the gifts of others.

Love yourself. When you love and accept yourself, you’re better able to love and accept others. Self-love also has tons of benefits, such as increased resilience, confidence, and overall well-being. All of these things can be super helpful if you’re trying to be the best person you can be. “Loving yourself is not just taking a bubble bath or going to buy yourself gifts,” says author and self-love expert, Kamal Ravikant. It’s about “feeling love for the amazing human being you are and living life from that place.” There are lots of ways to build up self-love. A few suggestions are keeping a self-love journal to celebrate your positive qualities, reciting self-love affirmations, and challenging negative self-talk. The most important thing is to stay consistent. “Self-love is a practice, just like going to the gym is a practice, just like eating healthy is a practice,” says Ravikant. If you want to see results, you need to stick to the new self-love rituals and habits you implement.

Pray or meditate. Praying to a higher power or meditating can help you get in touch with yourself and find inner peace. As your self-awarenes increases, you’ll better understand what you really want and find clarity in your life. And as you gain inner peace, you’ll feel more positive, which helps you become a better person. Find a private, safe space free from distractions, and sit in a comfortable position. Clear your mind from all thoughts and take a few deep, slow breaths. Focus on being intensely aware of the present moment. Don't judge or react, just observe. If your focus breaks, just count to ten. Meditate until you feel cleansed and rejuvenated.

Make small changes. No one can completely reinvent themselves overnight, but small changes can make an enormous difference when it comes to becoming the best person you can be. Set small goals every month or two, and focus on changing one or two key habits at a time. Here are some examples of goals you could set: Goal 1: Say, for example, that you have a habit of interrupting people or talking over them. Your first goal could be to focus on listening more attentively and waiting until people are done talking to comment on what they said. Goal 2: Maybe you struggle with self-criticism. Your goal could be to recite positive self-love affirmations each morning in order to challenge your negative thoughts.

Review your goals every day. When you’ve chosen the first goals you want to work on, write them down and review them often. You may also find it helpful to journal about any changes you notice in your life as you start to build your new habits. EXPERT TIP Moshe Ratson, MFT, PCC Moshe Ratson, MFT, PCC Marriage & Family Therapist Moshe Ratson is the Executive Director of spiral2grow Marriage & Family Therapy, a coaching and therapy clinic in New York City. Moshe is an International Coach Federation accredited Professional Certified Coach (PCC). He received his MS in Marriage and Family Therapy from Iona College. Moshe is a clinical member of the American Association of Marriage and Family Therapy (AAMFT), and a member of the International Coach Federation (ICF). Moshe Ratson, MFT, PCC Moshe Ratson, MFT, PCC Marriage & Family Therapist Don't forget to engage in activities you truly enjoy. Seeking out new experiences that broaden your horizons can help keep your life interesting. By finding activities that spark joy, you'll cultivate a more positive mindset and a sense of fulfillment.

Be good for its own sake. Don't try to be a good person because your parents told you to, because you want recognition or respect, or for any kind of reward, except your own satisfaction in doing what you believe is right. Never act superior to anyone else or brag about your "goodness" or "righteousness". Do what you believe makes you a good person on your own terms, and remember that it's an individual journey, and that everyone's path is unique.

Having a Positive Attitude

Try to look at the bright side of things. There are tons of benefits that come along with a positive attitude. Research has shown that it can help you feel more calm and focused, decrease stress levels, and even stimulate creative thinking, problem-solving skills, and productivity. Positivity is also contagious, so you’ll likely end up brightening other people’s days and bringing them joy, as well. All of this can be really helpful on your journey toward improving yourself. When it comes to cultivating a more positive mindset, Ravikant has some helpful advice. Instead of trying to eradicate negativity, he suggests filling yourself up with bright, joyful things. “Darkness is the absence of light. So how do you fight darkness? You find the nearest light switch, and you turn on the light,” Ravikant says. For example, this could mean reciting positive affirmations when you’re feeling down, or stepping in when you hear an argument and offering a solution.

Do what you can to make the world a better place. Every time you interact with the world you have an opportunity to do something good and positive. It doesn’t have to be something huge or earth-shattering—it can as simple as picking up some trash that someone threw down at a local park, or setting up a carpool to the office to cut down on your carbon footprint. A few other easy ways to make a positive change include: Recycling Buying organic and locally grown food Being a responsible pet owner by cleaning up after your pets Donating old items to shelters or charitable organizations instead of a thrift store Not taking the closest parking space so you leave it for someone who needs it more Smiling and politely greeting people in public, instead of ignoring them

Slow down. In today’s hectic world, it can be hard to slow down and enjoy the simple things, but it’s also incredibly valuable. Try to be patient and live in the moment, rather than rushing from one thing to the next. If you’re not in a rush, you’re also likely to be more patient and less short-tempered with people, which is an important part of being a good person. For example, when you’re at the grocery store, don’t throw all your groceries down without even looking at the employee ringing them up. Slow down, say hello, and offer them a genuine smile. This type of kindness can go a long way! Only use the car horn in an emergency situation, and don't blow it at someone simply for driving slower than you’d like them to. Remind yourself that the driver may be taking their time so they don’t injure themselves or someone else.

Practice forgiveness. Forgiving someone can be a difficult task, but realizing that people are human and make mistakes helps you let go of negativity, so you can move on and focus on bettering yourself. When you forgive, you let go of resentment, anger, bitterness, and turmoil, and you also become more compassionate towards others.

Interacting With Others

Be tolerant and respectful of everyone around you. Part of being a good person is not being judgmental. Do your best to accept everyone, and never discriminate against someone based on their race, age, sexual orientation, gender identity, or cultural background. Realize that everybody has feelings, every person is valid, and everyone should always be treated with respect. Be respectful of elderly people. Realize that you will be old someday and may need a helping hand. Next time you go to a mall, parking lot, or anywhere, look for an old person struggling with something, like carrying bags or loading groceries into their car, and ask, "May I help you with that?" Be compassionate towards intellectually disabled people. Give them a genuine smile, treat them like a person, and stand up for them if you notice that others are bullying them or being unkind. When you notice that you’re being judgmental of someone, life coach Rebekka Mars suggests exploring the internal reasons that might be behind this. “A lot of times, judgments come from a place of lack or fear,” she explains. To fight this, try “journaling about things that you love about yourself, and focusing on all the good things that you can think of. That might just be enough to shift your energy out of this state of stress and lack that's causing you to be judgmental,” says Mars.

Be empathetic. Empathy means putting yourself in others’ shoes and trying to see things from their perspective. When you make this a habit, you’re more likely to treat others with respect, kindness, and patience, which makes you a better person (and makes the world a better place). Ask yourself, "How would I feel if I were this person?" Angelina Jolie Angelina Jolie, Actress & Humanitarian Live empathetically and help others to the best of your ability "We have a responsibility to be aware of others. We need to make justice the norm, not the exception."

Do an act of kindness or charity for someone else. Try to do something nice for someone every day, even if it's something small. An act of kindness or generosity can make a huge difference for someone, and they may even be more likely to be kind to the next person they see. This could create a ripple effect that spreads positivity far beyond you. Strike up a conversation with someone who looks lonely, pay it forward at the drive through, offer to drive a friend to the airport - anything you can do to make someone's day. You could even reach out and show kindness to people who have been cold or rude to you. It’s possible that they treat you poorly because people have always treated them poorly, and your kindness could be the thing that changes their mindset.

Offer genuine compliments to people. Saying nice things to people is an easy way to spread positivity. Compliment a co-workers new haircut, tell a friend you think their outfit is awesome, or let a stranger know that you think their dog is adorable.

Be a better listener. People rarely take the time to truly listen to others, but it can make such a difference. Everyone wants to feel like they matter, and when you pay close attention to someone, you’re basically letting them know that they’re important and you care about what they’re saying. Here are some active listening tips: While someone else is talking, don't get distracted by what's going on around you, and don’t scroll on your cell phone. Look directly at them and give them your full attention. Be engaged with the person and the conversation. Ask thoughtful follow-up questions to show that you're paying attention to them. Use open body language to signal that you’re present and focused on them. Turn your body toward them, nod and react to what they say, and make eye contact.

Celebrate other people's victories and good qualities. Congratulate others when good things happen to them, and try not to be jealous of their victories. Be supportive and encouraging toward them, and they’ll likely do the same for you when you have a win. When you put out good into the world, good comes back to you!

Be a role model. One way to become a good person is to try to be the best role model you can be. If you’re a parent or if you have a younger sibling or cousin, try to lead by example and live your life in a way that would make them proud. This type of mindset can be really motivating when it comes to self-improvement and personal growth. When other people see you doing good deeds, they will be reminded to take more positive action themselves. Nurturing someone else and striving to be an example for them can also help you see your own acts more clearly and make better choices.

Be honest. Honesty is one of the key characteristics associated with being a good person. This doesn’t mean saying everything that’s on your mind all the time; it just means being truthful as often as you can, especially about serious things, and conveying these truths in a kind, gentle way. Own up to your mistakes instead of hiding them or lying about them, and be direct about your feelings, instead of being passive-aggressive. Have integrity and honor your word. If you say you're going to do something, then follow through on that promise.

Control your anger. When you disagree with someone, do your best to remain respectful, and try not to let your temper run away with you. If you can’t keep calm, suggest that the two of you step away from the situation and try talking again once you’ve both had a chance to cool off. You could say something like, "I want to resolve this with you because you are such a good friend. Let's take time and think this out." Try out some coping mechanisms, like writing down your feelings in a journal, pausing and counting to 10, or meditating. These strategies can help you manage your angry feelings.

Share your resources. If you’re doing well financially, set up a regular donation to a charity you care about. If you go out to lunch with a friend you know is going through some tough times, say that the meal is on you. Generosity is a virtue, and it’s an important aspect of being a good person. Plus, when you’re willing to share what you have, blessings usually end up finding their way back to you.