How to Be Strong Minded

Getting to Know Yourself

Quiet your mind. A strong mind is an uncluttered mind. Practice letting go of unnecessary worries and distractions, so you can focus on more important things. When you notice yourself feeling scattered, take a deep breath and bring your focus back to where you want it. Meditation is an excellent way to learn to control your mind. If you’ve never meditated before, it may be difficult at first, as your mind is not used to stillness. It will get much easier with practice, so do not get discouraged. It only takes five or ten minutes a day to start achieving results. If you want to regain focus in the moment, you can try writing down what keeps popping up in your head. Think about it like a brain dump. When you get these thoughts out of your head, you'll be able to focus better. Dedicate some time later to attend to these thoughts or ideas.

Discover what brings you joy. Ask yourself when you’ve felt happiest or most fulfilled and why. Then, identify the reasons those experiences were so rewarding for you. Try to replicate these experiences more often. Also, ask people you’re close to about yourself. Ask them what traits describe you when you're at your happiest, and what they think causes this side of you to come out. This can be a powerful tool in self-discovery. For instance, if you loved a past tutoring job, take more opportunities to help others and share your knowledge.

Find out what motivates you. Think about what drives you to achieve or persevere in your day-to-day life. If you often find yourself just trying to get through the day, ask yourself what you would do with your time if you didn’t have to worry about basic concerns like money. Your motivations may be closely linked to your values. For instance, if you value friendship, you might be motivated to spend time with the friends you already have and meet new people.

Set some long-term goals. Having a general idea of where you want your life to take you will help you stay strong-minded in the face of distractions and obstacles. Set goals that help give you direction in life. Try making a loose plan for the next five years. Just sit down and write out a few accomplishments you would like to reach over the next few years. These may include graduating college, getting a job, or learning to speak Italian. Encourage goal setting by surrounding yourself with goal-oriented people and also creating relationships with mentors with whom you can discuss your dreams periodically.

Create actionable short-term goals. Now, that you have a general understanding of where you want to go, break those long-term goals down. This keeps you from getting overwhelmed and helps you stay on track. Try to set SMART goals that are specific, measurable, attainable, realistic and time-bound. For instance, your might break down "getting a job" into smaller segments. You might need to update your resume, complete an internship, or get additional education to reach this larger goal. Be mindful about the time frames you give yourself. Make sure they are reasonable and account for rest, recreation, and the unexpected in life.

Living Confidently

Inform yourself. Examine the reasoning behind your beliefs. If you find that you’ve been basing your ideas on emotions or misinformation, do some research and see if you need to re-evaluate your position. Stay up-to-date on current events and issues by reading widely and watching the news. When you can backup your ideas with facts, you’ll feel more confident in yourself, and you’ll be better prepared to have rewarding conversations with other people. Be mindful of whom you choose to associate with. Choose people who are also informed and thoughtful and who respectfully challenge your ideas. Use good judgment when reading information published on the internet. Some websites purposely spread false or malicious content.

Avoid worrying. Focus on the things you can control, instead of wasting mental energy on the things you can’t. If you’re worried about a situation or an upcoming event, ask yourself what you can do to prepare for it or make it less stressful. Then put your energy towards taking action. If you’re a habitual worrier, set aside a short window of “worry time” every day. Give yourself ten minutes to do nothing but worry. If you catch yourself worrying at other times throughout the day, force yourself to think about something else. Try out a few different times of day to do this and stick with the one that works best for you.

Take responsibility for yourself. Develop the mindset that you’re in control of your own actions and choices. Instead of blaming other people when something goes wrong, think about how you can respond most constructively, and ask yourself whether you can prevent it from happening again. Similarly, when something goes well in your life, congratulate yourself for the role your hard work played in the achievement, instead of chalking it up to luck. Share the good news with others and find a way to commemorate it. This will help keep you motivated and build your self-confidence.

Develop good habits. Increase your willpower by establishing positive everyday habits, such as getting up the first time your alarm goes off, keeping your house clean, and exercising regularly. If you procrastinate often, break the habit by making yourself accountable to other people and breaking your goals down into achievable steps. Start with one good habit at a time. Keep a log of how often you stick to the habit. Try to consistently do the habit for at least a month before moving on to the next one.

Be willing to learn and change. Being strong-minded doesn’t mean never changing your mind about anything. Our understanding of things changes over time, so do your best to not get stuck in the past. Stay open to new possibilities, and practice looking at complicated issues from multiple perspectives. When you talk to the people around you, really listen to them, even if you don’t agree with them. Educate yourself and update your knowledge by doing activities such as: reading, watching documentaries, listening to podcasts, and visiting museums.

Don’t let yourself be easily influenced by others. Strong-minded people don’t doubt themselves completely every time someone disagrees. Practice being confident in your beliefs by journaling regularly and practicing saying “no.” Speak up confidently when you don’t agree, instead of keeping your thoughts to yourself or feeling the need to justify your opinions to others.

Identify the motives of others. In order to be more confident in your opinions and decisions, you’ll need to work on developing a clear perception of others. You should always consider what people have to say when they’re trustworthy and admirable, but listening to those with potentially selfish or harmful motives can make you feel confused or tricked. If you notice the person is continuously needy and persuasive and you have a bad feeling about them, don’t associate with them. They most likely don’t have your best interest at heart.

Overcoming Problems with Strength

Get some perspective on your problems. Avoid blowing problems out of proportion in your mind. Catastrophic thinking, blaming yourself, and jumping to conclusions all undermine your mental strength. Instead, try to take a realistic view of the situation. Stay in perspective by conducting reality testing against such thoughts. Ask yourself whether you have clear evidence to support the thought. Or, decide if there is a better, more realistic way of viewing the situation. For instance, if you give a bad talk in front of 100 people, you might think, “I’m a terrible speaker. I should never speak to a crowd again.” If that happens, take a mental step back and remind yourself, “Lots of people have given one bad speech. It’s not the end of the world.” Try consulting a trusted friend or advisor in order to gain some perspective. This person is not as emotionally invested and can be more objective, which may give you new things to consider.

Don’t compare yourself to others. Strong-minded people are confident and resilient no matter how other people are performing. If you are going to compare, it should be against goals you have made and achieved in the past, to show how you’ve grown. Although strong-minded people are often in competitive fields, such as sales, athletics, politics and academics, they win by being able to move past competitive pressures. Pay attention to your social media use and determine whether it’s causing you to compare yourself, feel inadequate, or suffer from any other negative impacts.

Think constructively. Avoid feeling sorry for yourself or telling yourself a situation is hopeless. Look for ways you can take control instead. Dismiss your negative thoughts and ask yourself, “What can I do about it?” Your self-talk can be a sneaky source of negativity, so keep an eye on it. If you notice that you’re giving yourself unhelpful feedback, change it to something positive instead. For example, you could change “Why do I even try?” to “I’m going to make one little improvement to the way I do this today.” This can be heavily impacted by the people you spend time with. If you notice that people you’re around a lot tend to speak negatively, you may want to spend less time with them for the sake of your own personal growth.

Accept discomfort. Pushing past the limits of your comfort zone takes strength and determination, but that’s the only way to achieve new things. Stretch yourself by doing things that are a little past your skill level. Accept the inevitability of failure and practice making peace with not knowing how things will turn out. Discomfort, failure, and uncertainty are okay, important, and useful for growth. For example, you could increase your tolerance for discomfort by joining a public speaking group like Toastmasters or signing up for a challenging workout class.

Persevere. If something is important to you, don’t give up on it, no matter how hard it is or how many times you’ve failed. Stay determined, even if you don’t see how things will work out right now. Look for a way to take one small step forward every day. For example, if you can’t get hired for the kind of job you want, you could try working a different job temporarily while taking night classes in your chosen field. If you decide that a goal or task is not worth your time anymore, it’s okay to stop pursuing it, but make sure you’re honest with yourself about your motivations. Quit because your goal is no longer in line with your goals or values, not just because it’s hard.