Deciding to Dissolve
Identify your fears and concerns. Adoptive parents who seek dissolution commonly report that they are afraid for their own safety, the safety of their children, or the survival of their marriage. Ask yourself why your adoption isn't working out. Is your family or marriage in imminent danger? Are you feeling frustration that might resolve over time, or with some outside help? It can be difficult to analyze and understand our own feelings, but you should try to clarify for yourself why you need to dissolve the adoption so that you can articulate those feelings to others, including the court.
Seek outside treatment. Attachment disorders, including reactive attachment disorder, bipolar disorder, oppositional defiant disorder, and others are fairly common among adopted children. When faced with the many challenges presented by an attachment disorder, some parents misinterpret the child's behavior as sociopathic, psychopathic, borderline personality disorder, or narcissistic personality disorder. If you haven't already done so, seek treatment for the child and for yourself through. Each state has government-managed post-adoption services, ranging from support groups to crisis intervention social workers. You can find a complete overview of post-adoption services by state, complete with links to the various agencies, at https://www.childwelfare.gov/topics/adoption/adopt-assistance/?CWIGFunctionsaction=adoptionByState:main.getAnswersByQuestion&questionID=7.
Evaluate the level of teamwork in your parenting. In families who seek dissolution, it is common for one parent to express that he or she has reached a "breaking point." In these situations, it is often the case that the other parent is only minimally involved in parenting the adopted child. This kind of dynamic can drive a wedge between spouses, and between the adopted child and the parents. If your situation could benefit from both spouses re-committing to a collaborative effort to raise the child, talk to your spouse about how you can restructure your home life to get both parents more involved. You may wish to consult a marriage and family therapist for some professional insight.
Re-Homing the Child
Contact an agency. When an adoptive family finds a new family to adopt the child, it is called a family-to-family adoption. Contact your adoption agency and ask if they handle family-to-family adoptions, or if they can recommend another agency that does. These agencies are also known as "replacement" or "re-homing" agencies. These professionals can help you locate another family that can provide the level of care that the child needs. The adopting family will be subjected to a home study and required to demonstrate that they are mentally, physically, and financially capable of caring for the child. The new family may be required to receive training and pass a criminal background check. You may also be able to locate a family to adopt your child on your own using community resources, from word of mouth to online message boards. If you meet a family interested in re-homing the child, contact an adoption agency or a family lawyer to proceed with the re-adoption process. However, do not re-home a child without going through the legal adoption process. Placing a child with strangers who have not been reviewed in a home study is dangerous and may be a crime in your state. If you cannot locate or work with a re-homing agency, you may need to try to find an adoptive family on your own, or file a petition to terminate your parental rights and return the child to foster care.
Participate in an assessment of the child's needs. The re-homing agency will need to conduct an assessment of the child's needs before the child is re-homed to another family. With your input, the agency should be able to gatherer clearer information about the child than was available when you completed your adoption. The assessment will include: Interviews with your family; Interviews of professionals who have treated the child; Reviews psychological testing, health, and educational records; and Reviews of the information you received at the time the child was first placed with your family.
Relinquish your parental rights. In addition to the placement of the child with a new family, you will need to participate in the legal process of giving up your parental rights. The adoption agency or an attorney will assist you. You may be required to make a court appearance, or simply sign paperwork surrendering your rights.
Give notice of the termination of your parental rights. Once your rights have been legally terminated, notify any agency that needs this information. This includes your health insurance company, the child's school, daycare, any agency from which you receive subsidies, and the previous adoption agency.
Talk to the child when the time is right. Re-homing will be a confusing and painful time for the child. You will need to explain the situation in a way that is comforting and sensitive to the child's emotions. When you talk to the child, do not discuss your own feelings or any behavioral or emotional issues the child has exhibited. Instead, let the child know that the re-homing is not his or her fault, and that he or she will be adopted by a new family that will be better able to meet his or her needs. Let the child know that you will miss him or her, and that you want him or her to be happy with the new family. If you find it too difficult to talk to the child on your own, ask a trusted professional to explain the situation and your feelings. However, you should be present for the discussion so that you can affirm for the child that what the professional says is true. Do not discuss the possibility of re-homing with the child before the re-homing is certain. It is not fair to cause the child anxiety about going to live with a different family if the transition might not happen. Also, do not mislead the child about the reality of the re-homing by telling the child that it is a temporary arrangement or just a visit to another family.
Step back. Because the relinquishing family wants what is best for the child, they can sometimes become over-involved with the new family, to the point of disrupting or sabotaging the re-homing process. Once the re-homing process is on track, step back from the situation and let the re-homing agency do its job in preparing the new family for adoption. Parents who dissolve adoptions commonly report feeling extreme guilt and pain over having to give up their adopted child. Take time to grieve as a family, and seek outside support and help to cope with the transition.
Filing a Petition to Dissolve the Parent-Child Relationship
Anticipate the consequences. Depending upon your state, you may be able to petition a court to legally dissolve the parent-child relationship and return the child to state foster care. Courts are extremely reluctant to do so, and will only consider these requests where it would be in the best interests of the child. Additionally, parents who relinquish parental rights may be required to pay child support until someone adopts the child or until the child turns 18, and the parents may also face criminal charges of child abandonment, which prohibit the parents from teaching or caring for children in a professional capacity.
Consider hiring an adoption lawyer. Adoption is a very complicated area of family law. An experienced attorney can help you file your petition and assemble evidence showing that dissolution is in the child's best interests. An attorney can also advise you of what rights you are giving up, what consequences you face, and your likelihood of successfully dissolving the adoption.
Fill out the proper forms. Your state may have pre-printed forms used to petition the court for a dissolution of an adoption. Check your court's website or contact the court clerk and ask which forms you will need to file. You will use the forms to explain why it is in the child's best interests to dissolve the adoption. Explain to the court why you cannot provide adequate care for the child, or why the relationships within the family are so bad that it would be best for the child to dissolve the adoption.
File your forms. Take your paperwork to the court clerk. The clerk will help you file your forms, and will give you stamped copies for your records. You may be charged a filing fee. If you cannot afford the fee, ask the clerk for information on how to file an application for a fee waiver. The clerk will contact you with hearing date.
Attend the hearing. You will most likely need to attend a court hearing, where the judge will inquire about the conditions at your home and why you believe the adoption should be dissolved. Bring any evidence and witnesses that can help the judge understand the conditions in your home. Consider presenting reports and testimony from social workers and professionals who have treated the child. If applicable, bring photographs or other documents related to incidents of violence at home. As you present your case, use your evidence to explain to the court that your adopted child needs a level of care that your family cannot provide, and that the child's needs would be better met with another family or in state foster care.
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