Set limits for yourself.
Drunk text with a plan. It’s like bowling with bumpers on—you’re still going to take your shot, but with a few safeguards in place. Make a plan before you start drinking, like “I’m only going to say hi” or “I won’t double-text him, no matter what.” Try to stick to it as you keep drinking to limit your chances of embarrassment. Share your plan with a friend who can hold you accountable during your night out and help you stick to it. Try setting a time limit on your texting. You’re out with your friends having a good time after all, and you want your guy to think you’re busy with a vibrant social life. If you absolutely don’t trust yourself not to text something you’ll regret later, temporarily block or delete his number, or give your phone to a trusted friend to hold on to for a while.
Start with a good opener.
A strong opener is essential, especially if you’re drinking. A generic “heyyyy” is easy to ignore anytime, but especially at 1:27 am on a Saturday. The opener is probably the most coherent you’ll be all night, so say something clever, personal, or interesting to spark a conversation. Try things like: “Taking a page from your book and drinking martinis, extra dirty” “Just thought I saw you at Cindy’s Rooftop! Sadly I was wrong =/” “I just saw your favorite book on a shelf at this housewarming party”
Keep your conversation text-only.
Sending pictures gets risky if you’ve been drinking. A cute selfie of you drinking out of a fish bowl might be harmless, but it opens the door for less curated (or cute) photos later in the night. You want your guy to have a good image of you, so stick to your words to avoid sending embarrassing photos or nudes you wouldn’t want him to see if you were sober. Not all guys like receiving unsolicited nudes, so consider your guy’s boundaries before you act on your sexy impulse. It’s best to have some kind of consent or agreement before sending pictures like those. Some guys might misinterpret a suggestive photo or start sending you their nudes in response, whether you want them or not. It’s better to navigate these waters when you’re sober.
Downplay your lusty thoughts.
A drunk text to your crush is already flirty on its own. Focus more on the conversation and less on innuendos while you’re drinking. This will limit your risk of saying something embarrassing, and also take away saucy quotes your guy (or your friends you show screenshots to) might use to tease you later. Let the subtext do the talking. You can still be cute and flirty without coming off downright horny. Try something simple like “Thinking about you :)” or “It’s a shame you’re not at this party right now!” It’s easy to fall down the sexting hole late at night when you’ve been drinking. There’s no rule that says you can’t, but keep in mind that you’ll both have to reread your choice of words in the morning.
Text while you’re tipsy, before you get too drunk.
Two or three drinks is usually the sweet spot for drunk texting. At this point, your inhibitions are lowered and your creativity with words is surging. This is a good time to take the plunge and start a conversation or get something off your chest. The exact number of drinks it takes to get to the sweet spot varies by person. A blood alcohol content of about 0.07% (just under the legal limit of intoxication) is where you want to be. You still want to try and text with your best spelling and grammar. The my-cat-just-walked-on-my-keyboard kind of message isn’t a great look and is easy to misunderstand. When you move past tipsy, your creativity and charisma starts to turn into a less understandable mess. Take a sip of water here and there to maintain your buzz, but beware of overdoing it and moving into drunk (incoherent) territory.
Own up to being drunk if he asks.
He’s probably going to be able to tell anyway. Lean into it and use it to your advantage to make conversation instead of denying it. Give him some details, like you’re drunk from losing at a drinking game, or that you’re out with a party animal friend. Even if it’s not a cute excuse, at least you’re putting the situation in context for him. Spin your circumstances into conversation points, like: “Yesss I’ve been drinking. Turns out I’m awful at beer pong. You’ll have to give me some pointers some time.” “I’m out for Christina’s birthday. Quick, text me so I can have my hands full next time she hands me another shot...” “I’m for sure drunk. Those double Long Islands at Moore’s are no joke.”
Be specific about what you want.
Being drunk is a good excuse to be open about your wants and needs. He might think your honesty is endearing, or that it’s cute you were nervous to text him without a little help. Think of it as a time to advocate for yourself without stifling inhibitions. The worst-case scenario is that the truth is out in the open. Tell him what you want in as few words as possible: “I want you to come over tonight.” “I want to be more than friends with you.” It might sting to have your text ignored or rebuffed, but at least with texting there is no face-to-face rejection to deal with. You’ll have time to pull yourself together before the next, potentially awkward time you see him.
Use a drunk text to initiate a larger conversation.
Drunk texting can open the door to conversations about your feelings. Being a little drunk gives you an excuse to be more direct and open if you struggle with initiating conversation. After you’ve exchanged a few texts on the topic, save the rest of the talk for when you’re sober. Keep your texts about your feelings short and to the point, like: “Hey, I just wanted to say I really like you ????” “I’d really like it if we got to hang out one-on-one some time.” “I hope you’re going to Josh’s birthday party tomorrow. I’d love to see you there!”
Reply to him in a timely manner.
You don’t want to leave him hanging or wondering if you’re safe. Reply within a few minutes of his text to keep the conversation rolling. If he knows you’re drunk and then you stop responding, he might think something bad happened to you and he’ll worry or try to find you. Send a goodbye or good night text when you’re finished chatting for the night. Sign off with something like: “Gotta go, we’re moving bars. Talk to you later!” “Have a good night!! Hope I catch you next time ;)” “Just got home, ready to pass out. Text you in the morning (if I’m up by noon…) ????”
Acknowledge your tipsy conversation the next morning.
Send a follow-up text when you’ve sobered up. It doesn’t have to be an apology. It can just be a playful acknowledgement that you were tipsy and thinking about him. This is a great way to continue the conversation you opened up last night and clarify anything confusing (or just drunk) you might’ve said. Try something like: “Omg I clearly had a few drinks last night lol” “Haha thanks for humoring my tipsy attempt at conversation ????♀️” “Welp, looks like I needed some liquid courage last night”
Respect his drunk texting boundaries.
Not everyone enjoys a drunk message. Do your best to resist the late night tipsy texts if your guy has asked you to cool it or expressed concern over how often it’s happening. If you like him, the last thing you want to do is make him uncomfortable. If he hasn’t outright told you, ask open-ended questions to get a feel for his boundaries ahead of time, like: “Sorry about the drunk texts last night. Do those bother you?” “I can cut back on those messages if you don’t like them.” “Jenny was so drunk when she texted me last night haha. I don’t really mind when that happens though. Do you?”
Drunk text with moderation.
Drunk texting is usually harmless when it’s occasional. Everyone sends a tipsy message now and then, but it loses its charm when it happens all the time or the messages are incoherent. Make a goal like, “I’ll only let myself drunk text Braden once this week” (or whatever feels appropriate) to avoid going overboard. Your crush might start to think you’re only capable of talking to him if you’ve been drinking. Make sure that you’re communicating soberly the majority of the time. The occasional drunk text can be funny and endearing when it happens organically. Let the night flow without forcing yourself to start a texting conversation.
Try typing out drafts but not sending them.
Booze and editing do not mix. If you got distracted mid-text by the new friend you met in line for the bathroom, save the rest of it for when your head is clearer. A few drinks will get your creativity going, but your concentration and attention to detail will be shot if you get interrupted and try to jump back into your message. If there’s something you’re burning to say, try typing it into a notes app or save it as a draft to look over later. Your drunk brain will get all your feelings out, and your sober editing will craft it into a more coherent message.
Remember you’re still accountable for your actions.
You’ll have to deal with the results of your tipsy texts in the morning. Drunk people are still aware they’re taking a risk when they draft their message, but they’re just too inebriated to care about the consequences. Think through the possible repercussions of your texting as best you can. If you’re worried that the outcome will be too awkward or embarrassing, it might be best to put down the phone and text another time.
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