Looking Your Best
Brush your hair, wash your face, and put on deodorant. You want women to see you at your best, right? The first step is to nail those basic grooming habits, so don’t forget to spruce up a bit before you head out. If you want to put on some cologne or perfume, keep it light. Too much smell can turn people off (or even give them a headache). If you normally wear makeup, feel free to put some on! Whatever makes you feel cool and comfortable.
Wear clean, flattering clothes. You don’t have to dress for a black tie event, especially if you’re heading out to a club or a bar. Go for simple clothes that make you look and feel good (and make sure they’re clean and wrinkle-free!) that fit in with where you’re going. If you are going somewhere super fancy (like a dinner party), feel free to dress up! For a masculine look, go for dark wash jeans, a basic T-shirt, and a structured jacket. For a more feminine look, try some high waisted jeans, a crop top, and some booties.
Project open, confident body language. Look around and try to make eye contact with others, then smile. Don’t cross your arms or legs; instead, keep your body open so you look more approachable. Put away your phone and take off your headphones so you don’t look too busy to chat. If you want something to do with your hands, grab a drink to sip on. Try to look at your phone as little as possible. If women think you’re absorbed in your technology, they’ll be less likely to come up and talk to you.
Finding a Woman
Go to bars and clubs in your area. In general, people who visit these places are more likely to be open to a relationship (short-term or long-term). Start by heading to a local place that’s often frequented by people your own age, like a bar, a nightclub, or a houseparty. Remember, you don’t have to drink alcohol if you don’t want to, even if you’re going to a club or a bar. Soda is perfectly fine! It will be much easier to approach a woman when you’re both in party mode. Approaching women on the street when they’re out and about can be tough, and it could make them feel uncomfortable.
Look for a woman who seems open to being approached. If she is bouncing around and talking to other people, catches your eye and smiles, or has open body language, there’s a good chance she wouldn’t mind it if you came up and talked to her. Try catching her eye and smiling to see if she’s interested, and don’t take it personally if she isn’t. Don’t assume that every woman you see is single or looking for a relationship. Just because she’s out at a bar or a nightclub doesn’t necessarily mean she’s looking for anything right now. If she has headphones on or is in the middle of something (like reading a book), she probably isn’t interested.
Approach with light, positive conversation. Talk about something small, like the weather outside or the song that’s playing. The goal isn't to have a deep conversation—it's to evaluate her body language and whether she's receptive (and for her to check you out too). Try saying something like, “I noticed you bobbing your head to the music. I love this song too!” Remember, women are just people! There’s no need to use a cheesy pickup line or flirt heavily right away. Make sure you respect her personal space, and don’t get too close too quickly.
Ask her about herself. Now’s your chance to get to know her a little bit. Ask her name, what kind of night she’s having, and what she does for work. Pay attention to how she reacts to gauge whether or not she’s interested. Try asking something like, “So are you here with your friends?” If she’s responding to all your questions and asking some of her own, that means she’s probably interested in continuing the conversation. If you’re getting short, one-word answers, it’s probably time to wrap it up and go somewhere else.
Pay attention to her body language to see if she’s interested. There are a few things a woman might do to let you know that she’s into you, including touching you on the arm, making eye contact, and laughing at your jokes (even if they’re not that funny). If she’s mirroring your body language and leaning in to talk to you, you’re probably doing something right! If she’s crossing her arms, not meeting your eyes, or is turning away from you, she’s probably not interested. These signs aren’t hard and fast rules, and all women are different. Look for open body language, but don’t rely on it 100%.
Move on if she doesn’t seem into you. If the woman you’re talking to isn’t sending out signals, it’s best to wrap up the convo and go somewhere else. Trying to convince a woman to be into you probably won’t end well, and you might end up making her feel uncomfortable. You can smile, say “Have a good evening, thanks for the chat,” and walk away. Some women have a hard time saying no, even when they don’t want to talk. Take it upon yourself to not make her feel uncomfortable.
Sealing the Deal
Give her a compliment or two. Talk about her hair, her eyes, her outfit, her smile, or something similar. If she seems pleased, rather than awkward, this is a good sign! Try something like, “I really like your hair! It looks great pulled back like that.” She might even compliment you back, which is a great sign. Don’t overdo it with compliments. Stick to one or two so you don’t seem overeager.
Break the touch barrier. As you two talk, try brushing some lint from her sleeve or placing a hand on her shoulder as you laugh. Find an excuse to gently touch her arm or her shoulder (nothing more than that) to see if she’s okay with it. If she doesn’t pull away or she touches you back, it’s a good sign that she’s into you. If she pulls back or looks uncomfortable, don’t push it.
Invite her to leave with you if you’d like to hook up with her. You can suggest going back to your place or just somewhere a little more private. Make sure you do this when you’re sure she’s into you and after you’ve had a nice conversation for a little while. Some women are hesitant to go home with someone they’ve just met (which is totally normal). She might suggest going back to her place or just exchanging numbers instead.
Ask to exchange numbers if you’re interested in something more serious. Taking someone home the first time you meet them doesn’t make you seem very interested in a relationship. If you’d like to actually go on a date, suggest exchanging numbers to talk about when you can meet up next. If she’s only interested in hooking up, she might ask you to come home with her instead of exchanging numbers. You can decide if you’d like to do that or not. Make sure to ask for her number rather than just her Instagram or Snapchat. Reader Poll: We asked 517 wikiHow readers and only 10% recommend following and engaging with their social media accounts as a good way to connect with women. [Take Poll]
Accept rejection if it happens. Even if you’ve been getting good vibes all night, it doesn’t mean that a woman is into you. If you propose taking her home or exchanging numbers and she says no, don’t get offended! Count it as a lesson learned and thank her for a fun and interesting conversation. Getting angry or coercing a woman into spending more time with you will never work, and it will only make her feel uncomfortable.
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