How to Get Your Parents to Calm Down when You Get a Bad Grade

Discussing Your Grades

Start the conversation in a mature fashion. When the conversation about your grades starts, be calm, mature, and upfront. Your parents may calm down more easily if you're not being hostile going into the conversation. Even if your parents seem angry, try to keep your cool. Start off with something like, "I know you guys aren't happy with my report card and I wanted to talk to you about bringing my grades up." If your parents ask you questions in anger (i.e., "Do you have any idea how much we sacrifice for you to get an education?") respond in a calm fashion on your end (i.e., "I know you guys want me to do well and I'm sorry I let you down.")

Give your parents a heads up, if possible. It's always a good idea to avoid suddenly springing the issue of bad grades on your parents. If they're surprised or caught off guard, they may become angrier when they see your grades. If you know you're going to receive a bad grade, let your parents know before they see the report card, test, or assignment. A day or two before the grade arrives, try saying something like, "I don't think I did very well this semester in chemistry and my grade might be low."

Plan ahead. Decide what you want to say – and how you want to say it – before starting the conversation. Talks like this usually go smoother if you think carefully before you open your mouth. You can even take some notes or jot down key points on a piece of paper. Thinking about the talk and how to explain your bad grade will help you calm your nerves. Not only that, it should let you organize your thoughts, leading to a more productive and successful discussion.

Remain calm yourself. Your parents may be angry or frustrated with a bad grade. If they get angry or upset, try to remain calm on your end. Arguing back or doing things like crying and yelling will only escalate the situation. Take a deep breath and try to respond calmly to any anger you receive. It can help to pause and take deep breaths during the conversation. If things get heated, ask your parents if you can take a break for a second to regroup. It’s OK to express discomfort to your parents or to ask for help with school. In fact, your parents will probably be more open and willing to help you if you are honest about how you feel. You can then work together to improve.

Avoid making excuses. Parents often get angrier if they feel you're making excuses or simply not trying. Avoid saying things like, "It wasn't my fault." Even if there were extenuating circumstances regarding your bad grades, your parents may not be receptive to hearing them when they're angry.

Admit to your mistakes. Let your parents know you understand you made a mistake. If they see you're sincerely trying to own up to your mistakes, their anger will fade. Admit to any reasons your grades may have fallen. For example, say, "I know I was on my phone too much this semester and I shouldn't have brought it into class. That's probably why my grades aren't great."

Let your parents talk. Your parents will only get angrier if you interrupt them while they talk. No one likes being lectured, but it's important to let your parents' get their word in. As they talk, try to sincerely consider their perspective. Be willing to willing to listen to their response with an open mind and not be defensive. You parents want you to do well, and it's understandable poor grades may upset them.

Making Plans for Improvement

Take the initiative. Before you've even talked things over with your parents, start making changes to show you're sincere. Talk to your teacher about your grades, form a study plan, or get information about tutors at your school. Your parents are less likely to stay mad if you prove that you're serious about doing better.

Tell your parents you will try harder. Your parents will be less angry if they see you're accepted that things need to change. After listening to their side and discussing the reasons for your grades, promise to do better. Say something like, "I know you're mad, but I'm going to try to bring my grades up."

Brainstorm ideas for improvement. Your parents want to hear more than a vague promise you'll do better. After letting them know you want to try harder, give them some concrete details. Together, you can talk about why your grades were low and how you can work to improve them. Try sitting down with your parents to outline goals for improvement, too. Set benchmarks together and ask your parents for help in meeting these – including your parents will make them a part of the process and keep you accountable. For example, say your grades were down because you were spending more time talking to friends online than studying. Offer to cut back on your computer time or stay off the internet until you've completed your homework.

Let your parents know how they can help. Your parents are invested in helping you. Their anger will be diffused if you let them know more productive ways to deal with your grades. Instead of getting angry, this is an opportunity for them to figure out where you may need help. For example, say something like, "I'm trying really hard in chemistry, but I'm really struggling to understand it. Can we look into a private tutor to help?"

Offer your own punishments. Taking responsibility is a great way to calm down your parents. Do not wait for them to offer a punishment. Instead, offer a productive punishment that will help you bring your grades up. For example, "How about you guys take my phone away every day until I'm done with school and homework?"

Moving Forward Afterwards

Accept your parents' plans without arguing. Once your parents have decided how to proceed, do not argue. Arguing or complaining about your parents' plans will only make them angry. Even if you feel frustrated by new rules, accept them with maturity to avoid making your parents angrier.

Remember the big picture. To keep your own emotions in check, remember why your parents are angry. Grades are important for your future. They can help you get into a good college and eventually get a good job. It can be stressful to deal with your parents' anger, but they want what's best for you.

Work on bringing your grades up. Immediately start trying harder to bring your grades up. This will prevent your parents from becoming angry in the future. Pay attention during class by taking notes, avoiding electronics, and not sitting near friends. Ask questions if anything confuses you and schedule a private meeting with your teacher. Avoid procrastinating on your homework and study for tests and quizzes well in advance.

Maintain communication with your parents. Keep talking to your parents about school, even when things are going well. Let them know how you did on a quiz, any subjects you're struggling with, and other details of your academic life. Open communication helps your parents know when you may need help. This can prevent bad grades in the future.