Establishing an Effective Lie
Keep your lie simple. Include details that make your lie seem legitimate, but not so many that it becomes complicated. An elaborate lie means more details that you have to keep track of and can often mean more explaining. A simple, straightforward lie is easier to maintain. For example, an elaborate lie might be, “I’m late because when I got onto I-70, it was so backed up that I had to reverse all the way down the entrance ramp and I ended up taking country roads instead.” A simple version of that lie would be, “Traffic was pretty backed up on I-70.” The simplicity of the lie can show that you don’t have any other details to add to it.
Avoid including other people in the lie. Using someone as a witness or alibi makes your lie more complicated than it needs to be. If the person you lie to checks your alibi, they may find out you lied. If you use someone else in your lie, be sure to tell them. Some people may not appreciate being part of your lie. If you are planning a lie ahead of time, at least talk to the person and see if they are willing to cover for you, as opposed to telling them after you already used them in a lie.
Make your lie plausible. When you lie, only include information that is believable. Don’t exaggerate to a point where the listener will start to question what you are saying. Make your lie as realistic as possible. Be critical of your own lie and see if it seems reasonable. Don't use only your own judgment but think about if the person you are lying to will find it reasonable. For example, telling your wife that a bird flew in the house and broke her lamp is not a plausible lie. Telling her you stumbled over the dog and knocked the lamp over is more plausible.
Include something truthful in the lie. Completely false lies may be more easily detected, but if you sprinkle truth into the lie it is more believable. Find a way to show proof that part of your lie is true to strengthen the lie as a whole. It is easier to express real emotion when you tell the truth than it is when you lie. If you emphasize the true part you can mask your emotions. For example, you stayed out late with a group of friends that included your ex-girlfriend Holly. Tell your current girlfriend, “I was hanging out with Carl, Stacy, and Steve.” It’s true that you were with those people, but you’re lying about Holly being there, too.
Lie before you have to. You can avoid lying under pressure by initiating the conversation about the subject you are lying about. Lie voluntarily before you are asked anything. The listener may not think you are lying since you volunteered the information. If the person you are lying to is already upset or suspicious, they are more likely to be critical of the lie you offer. If they have not thought of the situation yet, they may be more likely to accept what you say without further questions. If you go see your friend’s band and they sound terrible, go up to them after the set and say, “You guys rocked!” before they have a chance to ask you about it.
Memorizing the Lie
Write down the details of the lie. One of the hardest things about lying is keeping up with what you said. It's even harder if you have to repeat the lie to many people over the course of time. The best way to avoid this is to write down the lie. If you have time to plan the lie out, write it down first. If you lie spontaneously, write down who you lied to and what you said. If the lie is time sensitive and will go away, you may not have to keep track of the paper you wrote the lie on for very long. If the consequences of the lie are long term, you’ll need to put the paper somewhere safe. Writing helps you make things clear and remember them. Even if you immediately throw the paper away, writing can help you establish the lie in your mind.
Practice saying the lie out loud. If something is true, it is often easier to remember, but if you are lying you may forget exactly what you want to say. Repeating a lie over and over again will help you deliver it more effectively. When you are lying on the spot, you may not have the chance to practice your lie. You can repeat what you said later on so you remember exactly how you lied. If you have time to practice the lie ahead of time, you can recite it in different ways to find the best delivery of the lie.
Record a video of yourself lying. For small lies, the video camera is not necessary, but if you are preparing a big lie, video can help. Watch yourself on video to decide if the lie sounded convincing. If not, figure out a way to adjust it. This is like saying the lie to yourself in a mirror, but saying it to a mirror is actually more distracting. Taking a video of yourself will help you see whether your delivery looked convincing or not. If your delivery is believable, watch the video a few times to memorize the wording and presentation of the lie.
Controlling Your Body When You Lie
Keep your hands away from your face. Liars tend to fidget with their hands a lot. Keep your hands at your sides if you are standing or on your lap if you are sitting. Don’t rub your chin or your nose. Don’t run your hands through your hair.
Remain still. Swaying back and forth, tapping your foot, or generally moving a lot are signs that you are lying. Don’t shrug your shoulders a lot either. Keeping your whole body relaxed and unmoving adds poise to your appearance, and it will keep people from being suspicious.
Keep your arms open and not folded. Folding the arms is considered closed off posture and when you lie it is a giveaway to people. Don’t cross your arms. Keep them at your sides, or if you are sitting down, lay your hands on your lap.
Control your blinking. Liars tend to blink nervously, and it’s an easy sign for people to notice. Also be aware that keeping your eyes open for too long can become suspicious, so make a conscious effort to blink as you normally would.
Use eye contact to your benefit. One of the surest signs that someone is lying is shifting their eyes away from the listener. You can control your eye contact to mask your lie. Make enough eye contact to make the person believe you. You have to find a balance between too little eye contact and too much. If you stare at the person without looking away you will seem as suspicious as if you never meet their eyes.
Keep your body facing the person you’re lying to. Turning your body to the side or turning away is seen as a sign that you are trying to hide something. Make sure that your body stays angled toward them. Keep your eyes in their direction, as well, and don’t stare off into the distance.
Use physical touch to create intimacy. When you are lying, appropriately touch the person you are lying to. Place your hand on their shoulder, grab their hand, or gently touch their leg if you are sitting by them. By touching them you will soften them toward you and make them more trusting. You need to take account of whether or not you are in a close enough relationship with the person to initiate physical touch with them. In many situations, this won’t be the case.
Controlling Your Speech
Keep your voice normal. Another unconscious change that occurs when you lie is that the pitch of your voice gets higher. Actively moderate the pitch of your voice so that stays at the your usual level. Make sure your voice is appropriate to the situation. The fact that the voice pitch rises during a lie is somewhat common knowledge, so people may be listening for it if they suspect you of lying. You can even speak slightly lower than you normally would to balance out the tendency to go higher. Also pay attention to your tone and volume so that it is appropriate to the situation. Don’t speak with a cheerful tone if you need to sound sorry or a serious tone if your lie should sound encouraging.
Give straightforward replies. When you are asked questions, give a full answer but don’t let yourself start to ramble. Don’t pause a lot or add filler words that are unnecessary. Rambling or getting off topic is one sure sign that you’re lying. It will take practice, but find the balance between an answer that is too short and one that is too long. Both can seem suspicious.
Use casual language. A natural tendency during a lie is to become overly formal. People will notice the difference from your typical demeanor. Use contractions like “didn’t” and “wasn’t” as opposed to “did not” and “was not.” Don’t be afraid of slang or colloquial terms because these will appear as normal for conversation. For example, say “I don’t know,” as opposed to, “I am not entirely sure.”
Answering Follow-Up Questions
Stick to your story. After you tell the lie, you may be asked to tell the story again, or give a fuller explanation. Do not back down and take back the lie you told. Stick to it and repeat it as closely as possible to the way you told it the first time. Asking the same question multiple times is a tactic to get you to give up the lie.
Add a small extra detail. When you are asked for more information, don’t add too much to the lie so that it becomes complicated. Do your best to add one small piece of information that will enhance the lie but not make it too hard to maintain.
Answer the question with a question. Sometimes you can disorient people and distract them by answering a question with another question. Say something like, "Why don't you believe me?" or "Did you hear a different story from someone else?". This puts the person questioning you in the hot seat to answer.
Say you don't remember telling the lie if you happen to almost get caught. This will make the other person think that your lie was just their imagination. Beware though- as this doesn't usually work that well, and if it doesn't, you can get caught.
Getting Caught in a Lie
Admit that you lied and apologize. At some point, you may be caught in a lie and it is obvious you can’t get out of it. Someone may have found video that proves you lied, or documents of some kind. Rather than extend the lie and make things worse, admit what you did and face the consequences. You will usually gain some credibility back with the person by admitting it rather than lying again. Learn from your mistakes and try to avoid them the next time you need to lie about something. This may seem counterintuitive, but you will soon find that a huge amount of weight will be lifted from you, and you won't have to keep in your lie.
Explain why you lied without making it an excuse. Once you admit the lie, you are likely to be questioned further. Do not try to justify why you lied, but explain what your thought process was. Tell the person why you felt you needed to lie and why the truth would not have worked for you. The person may not accept your explanation or may say it does not make sense or is not good enough. Do not argue, but affirm to them that you stand by your reasoning, even if it ended up being wrong.
Tell the person how you will make up for it. Lying is likely to cause damage in one way or another, so once you are caught, you will have to fix things. Give the person some concrete steps you plan to take to remedy the situation. Be honest about what you are going to do and then follow through on doing it. The things you need to fix may not be problems as much as strained relationships. You may need to do some emotional work to show your remorse and make up for the lie.
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