How to Overcome Fear of Failure

Reframing Failure

Recognize failures as learning experiences. When people are mastering a skill or project, failure is a necessary part of the learning process. Learning requires exploration and creativity, and both of these approaches offer the opportunity to learn what doesn’t work, as well as what does. We can’t explore the depths of what knowledge has to offer until we try. Embracing failure as a learning experience allows you to see it as a gift, not a punishment or sign of weakness. Remember that many others have been in the same situation. Consider Myshkin Ingawale, an Indian inventor who had to test 32 prototypes of his technology before he found the one that worked. He could have given up and characterized himself as a failure after any of those roadblocks, but he kept focused on learning from his mistakes and applying them to the future, and now his invention has cut maternal death rates in rural India by 50%.

Re-evaluate your approach. Often times, when a result doesn't match our expectations, we are tempted to mark the attempt as a failure. This is “all or nothing” thinking, and it’s a distortion of healthy thinking that encourages you to judge everything in absolute terms, rather than examining them in a nuanced way. However, if we view our results as more or less effective, with the aim of improvement, we are able to always make positive changes. Studies show that people who are successful usually don’t encounter fewer or more setbacks than people who aren’t. The key is entirely in how you interpret those setbacks. Don’t let them convince you that success is impossible. Meeting your idealized results takes time and hard work. Success is a process. Don't let any perceived failures prevent you from continuing that process. Don't run from this process, but embrace it, knowing that it will only yield better results. Remember that you can’t control or predict everything. View unexpected variations or fluctuation as what they are: external elements beyond your control. Only account for what is in your control. Make sure your goals are realistic and obtainable.

Take things slow. Rushing into new ventures without any personal preparation can make things worse. You will need to work through your fear or failure at your own pace, without pushing too far outside your comfort zone all at once. Try to find smaller steps you can take towards your goals that you feel comfortable with. Think of any long term or large scale goals in terms of these small steps that you know you can accomplish.

Be kind to yourself. Don't mock your fears, they are there for a reason. Work with your fears, treating yourself sympathetically and with understanding. The more you learn about why you have these fears and what causes them, the better you can work with them. Write your fears down in detail. Don't be afraid to explore exactly why and what you fear. Accept that these fears are a part of you. Accepting your fears can help you to regain control over them.

Take notes. Learning from the past is critical to building a better future for yourself. Keep careful track of what worked, what didn't, and why. Plan any future actions in accordance with what you have learned from past actions. Improving your future plans by keeping track of what works and what doesn't will help ease the fear of failure. Learn to value failure. Failure is just as informative and valuable as success. Experiencing failure will allow you to learn from what didn’t work and will help you avoid that setback in future attempts. You will likely still encounter challenges, roadblocks, and setbacks, but you will be better equipped to overcome them with the knowledge you have gained.

Working with the Fear of Failure

Look into your fear of failure more deeply. Often times the fear of failure is only a general understanding of what we are truly afraid of. If this fear of failure is examined, it may be discovered that there are other fears underlying it. These specific fears can be addressed and worked with, once identified. Fear of failure is often only a broad level of understanding what the issue is. We may be afraid to fail, but failure is often tied to other ideas such as self-worth or self-image. There are links that trace fear of failure to shame. Examples of more specific fears may include being worried about losing security from a risky investment or being exposed to humiliation from your peers.

Avoid personalizing and overgeneralizing failure. It can be easy to see something that you interpret as a failure and extend that lack of success to yourself. You may also take a single instance of failure and apply it to your whole life and self. You might think, “I’m a loser” or “I’m worthless at this” because your efforts are not having the results you hope for. While this is common, it is not helpful, and it isn’t true, either. Examine the script in your head about this event. We often allow our thoughts to slip into predictable scripts that aren’t helpful. For example, if you’re working on an invention and the 17th try has just bombed, you might experience this script: “Yep, I’m never going to get this right. I’m a failure.” The facts of the situation are simply that this try hasn’t worked. The facts say nothing about you as a person, or about the possibility of future success. Separate the facts from your script.

Reject perfectionism. Some people believe that perfectionism is the same as healthy ambition or standards of excellence, but on the contrary, perfectionism can actually cause failures. Perfectionists are often obsessed with the fear of failure. Often, they categorize anything that does not meet their unreasonably high standards as a “failure.” This can lead to things such as procrastination because you are so worried about your work being imperfect that you can never finish it. Set healthy, ambitious standards for yourself and acknowledge that sometimes, your work won’t quite meet them. Studies have shown that professors who are perfectionists produce fewer research studies and papers than professors who are adaptive and open to critique. Perfectionism can also make you more likely to develop mental health conditions such as depression and eating disorders.

Stay positive. It can be quite easy to focus on past failures and let them prevent you from future success. Instead of focusing exclusively on how badly things seem to have gone, focus on what went well and what was learned.. Even if your main goal didn't succeed, you can still have success if you learn from the experience. Focusing on only negative aspects will make the situation appear to be just that, entirely negative. By focusing on successes and positive aspects, you will learn what works and be better prepared for the future.

Continue learning. If you are fearful of failing at a new task or are worried about failing a familiar one, you can keep your skills up to date to help with this. By practicing your skills and demonstrating to yourself that you are competent in whatever area you focus on, you will boost your self-confidence. Acknowledge what you do well, as well as the areas in which you can further develop. Reinforce your existing skills. Always keep up to date with any new best practices that might be employed in that skill set. Learn new skills. By learning new skills you will enrich your skill set and be better prepared for a wider variety of situations that might arise as you pursue your goals.

Take action. The only true failure is the one that happens when you never even try. Taking the first step is generally the most difficult; however, it is also the most important. It is natural to feel afraid and uncomfortable when trying something new. You can take some steps to help you deal with this discomfort. Give yourself permission to feel uncomfortable. Everyone has moments when they feel uncomfortable or afraid of challenges, even incredibly successful billionaire businessmen. Acknowledge that this fear is natural and okay, and stop fighting it or repressing it. Instead, resolve to work even though you feel afraid. Remember to break down your larger goals into smaller ones. Having these smaller stages that you know you can accomplish will make the larger goal less intimidating. Moving forward will give you new information and allow you to adjust your course of action towards success.

Expose yourself to failure. By actively exposing yourself to failure, you will learn that failure is not as frightening as you may believe it to be. This is a technique known as exposure therapy and it can be used to lessen the effects of fear in your life. This type of practice will give you experience in dealing with fear or discomfort and discovering that you can work through it to experience success. Find a new hobby or activity that you are unskilled at. Start practicing and look forward to the failures you encounter, knowing that they will only increase your success in the future. For example, start playing a new instrument. Failures along the way to competency with this instrument will be common. These failures will give you many opportunities to get comfortable with failure. They will also show you that failure is not total or debilitating. Just because you fail the first hundred times you try to play the Moonlight Sonata doesn’t mean you’ll never get it right. You might also try asking strangers for simple things such as a mint or a discount when buying something. Your goal is to fail, reframing failure as success and nullifying the limiting effects fear can have on your behavior.

Overcoming Panic Caused by Fear

Realize you are panicking. Sometimes, the fear of failing can trigger responses in the body similar to panic or anxiety attacks caused by any other fear. Your first step in stopping such a panic attack is to realize the symptoms at the onset of one. Look for some of the following symptoms: Increased heart rate or irregular heart rhythm. Difficulty breathing or tightness in throat. Tingling, shaking, or sweating. Feeling light-headed, dizzy, or as if you are about to pass out.

Take deep breaths. During a panic attack, your breathing will likely consist of short, quick breaths that will only help maintain the panicked state. Take control of your breathing and inhale deeply and slowly, to help bring back a normal rhythm to your breath. Breathe in slowly, for five seconds, through your nose. Use your diaphragm, not your chest, to breathe in. Your stomach should rise with the breath, not your chest. Exhale at the same slow pace, again, through your nose. Make sure you fully exhale all the air in your lungs while focusing on counting to five. Repeat this cycle of breathing until you begin to feel calm.

Relax your muscles. Your body will likely be very tense during a panic attack and this tension will only add to the feeling of anxiety. Work to release the tension in your muscles by tensing, holding, and releasing those muscles. You can tense and release all the muscles in your body at once, for a quick and full body relaxation technique. For greater relaxation, start by tensing the muscles in your feet, holding them for a few seconds, and then releasing the tension. Move up your body, tensing and releasing your lower leg, upper leg, stomach, back, chest, shoulders, arms, neck, and face.

Overcoming Negative Thoughts

Try STOPPing. This helpful acronym can help you avoid reacting with immediate fear in situations. When you encounter that fear of failure, practice the following: Stop what you are doing. Whatever you’re doing, stop and take a step back from the situation. Give yourself some time to think before reacting. Take a deep breath. Take a few moments to cleanse yourself with a few deep breaths. This will restore oxygen to your brain and help you make clearer decisions. Observe what is going on. Ask yourself some questions. What is going on in your mind? What are you feeling? What is the “script” in your head right now? Are you considering the facts? Are you giving more weight to opinions? What are you focusing on? Pull back for perspective. Try to imagine the situation from the perspective of an impartial observer. What would she see in this situation? Is there another way of approaching this situation? How big is this situation in the grand scheme of things -- will it even matter 6 days or 6 months from now? Proceed based on your principles. Go forth with what you know and have determined. Practice what is most in line with your values and goals.

Challenge negative self-talk. We’re often our own worst critics. You may discover that your inner critic is always dissatisfied with you, telling you things like “I’m not good enough” or “I will never get this right” or “I shouldn’t even bother trying this.” When you discover those types of thoughts, challenge them. They’re unhelpful, and even more, they’re untrue. Think how you’d counsel a friend. Imagine that it is a friend or loved one in your situation. Perhaps your best friend is afraid of leaving her day job to pursue her dream of becoming a musician. What would you tell her? Would you immediately imagine her failure, or would you find ways to support her? Give yourself the same compassion and belief that you would show a loved one. Think whether you’re generalizing. Are you taking one specific instance and generalizing it to your whole experience? For example, if your science project has not worked, are you extending that failure to every aspect of your life and saying something like “I’m a failure”?

Avoid catastrophizing. When you catastrophize, you fall into the trap of assuming that the absolute worst thing that could possibly happen will happen. You allow your fear to send your thoughts spiraling out of control, making logical leaps. You can challenge this by slowing down and asking yourself for evidence for your assumptions. For example, perhaps you are worried that if you change your college major to a subject that you really want to study but find challenging, you will fail. From there, your thoughts could spiral into catastrophizing: “If I fail this major I’ll flunk out of college. I’ll never find a job. I’ll have to live in my parents’ basement for the rest of my life and eat ramen noodles. I’ll never be able to date or get married or have kids.” Obviously, this is an extreme case, but it’s an example of how fear can send your thoughts wildly out into left field. Try to put your thoughts into perspective. For example, if you’re afraid to change your college major because you’re worried you will fail, consider: what is the worst thing that could really happen, and how likely is it? In this case, the worst thing that happens is that you aren’t good at organic chemistry (or whatever subject attracts you) and fail a few courses. This is not a calamity. There are many actions you can take to help you get past these failures, such as hiring a tutor, studying more, and speaking with professors. The more likely situation is that you find your new subject difficult at first, but you learn and grow and finish college happy that you pursued your passion.

Recognize that you’re usually your own worst critic. The fear of failure may stem from the belief that others are scrutinizing your every move. You may feel like any little slip-up will be noted and spread around. However, the fact is that most people are so engaged with their own issues and worries that they don’t have the time or effort to scrutinize every tiny thing you do. Look for evidence that contradicts your assumptions. For example, you may be worried about going to parties because you’re afraid you may say something foolish or make a joke that bombs. This fear of failure could keep you from enjoying social interactions with others. However, you could consider past experience and others’ experiences to help you get past this fear. For example, you could think about whether any of your friends or anyone you know has ever made a social faux pas. It’s practically guaranteed that you can think of someone who’s had a social slip-up. Did their mistake result in them being shunned or everyone viewing them as a failure? Probably not. The next time you find yourself fearing that you will encounter failure and be judged for it, remind yourself: “Everyone makes mistakes. I give myself permission to slip up or look silly. This will not make me a failure.” If you do encounter people who are are harsh judges or overly critical, recognize that the problem is with them, not with you.