How to Pass Gas in Front of a Girl

Keeping a Lid On It (Silent Farting)

Pretend you didn’t fart. Don’t make awkward faces or smile. Any tell-tale sign that you’ve passed gas could betray you. Act as if nothing is amiss until the stink finally arrives.

Change the scenery. Moving to a crowded area means that when you fart in front of your girl, she’ll have no way of knowing it was you. Alternately, moving out-of-doors to a park, greenway, or large yard gives the gas space to dissipate. Going out for a stroll together is not only romantic, but it also means you won't be hanging around the fragrance you've left behind.

Pass your gas slowly. As you feel the gas about to escape, clench the muscles of your sphincter ani externus. These are the muscles which govern the opening of the anus. Since fart noises are caused by the vibration of intestinal gas moving across the anus, allowing only a fraction of the pent-up gas to escape will limit the sonic and spatial volume of your flatus.

Wear odor-neutralizing underpants. Activated charcoal can be integrated into underwear fabric to neutralize offensive smells. These undies will neutralize scents up to 200 times stronger than the average fart.

Cover the stink with another scent. The obvious option is to utilize cologne or perfume to mask the odor. You might also apply a scented hand lotion or light a scented candle. Burning incense works too.

Letting It Rip (Noisy Flatulence)

Cover the sound with other noises. If you are unable (or unwilling) to pass gas silently, you can cough,use music, conversation, or the well-timed slam of a loud door to mask the sound of your noisy fart. If you have a phone, turn up the volume and play your ring tone while you break wind. Moving to a noisy location like a city street or a crowded room will also provide opportunities for covering your flatulence.

Play the blame game.With enough background noise or a large enough group of people, it might be possible to shirk responsibility for passing gas. This method is especially effective if the fart is of a short duration. The longer you fart, the easier it is to identify you as the culprit.

Own it. Don’t let a girl shame you just because you farted. Look directly into her eyes as you pass gas. If she gives you a hard time about it, tell her that farting is a perfectly natural biological process. Remind her that everyone toots, and holding in gas causes bloating and discomfort.

Make a joke of it. Ask her, “Was that you?” or “What did you eat?” in a mock-disgusted tone. Mention that you shouldn’t have eaten that fourth burrito at lunch.

Apologize if necessary. If she seems genuinely upset or offended, it might be best to back down. Be as sincere as possible when apologizing and promise her there will be no further incidents.