How to React when Someone Teases You

Changing Your Attitude

Change your perspective. Others can often perceive someone’s potential reaction to teasing by the way they act under pressure. If your perspective on teasing is the same as theirs—that it makes you get angry—then making fun of your quirks is what a bully is likely to do. But if your perspective is indifferent towards teasing, you may find that bullies don’t think you’re much fun—and they’ll leave you alone.

Answer teasing with a one-liner. Instead of engaging with the bully and teasing them back, wait until they are done taunting you throw and a one-liner at them before walking away. After saying your line, shrug, turn on your heels, and walk calmly away. This displays that you aren’t easily ruffled, making you a boring target. You can try one-liners like these: “Thanks for telling me that.” “Oh, I thought I was cool.” “So what’s your point?” Try to keep a sincere tone of voice instead of a sarcastic or angry tone, as this might display your irritation and perpetuate the teasing.

Make your voice strong. Using a confident tone of voice displays your refusal to back down to the teasing. Don’t sound like you are going to cry; don’t sound like you are angry or upset; and don’t whine. Instead—even if you’re shy—raise your voice so that they can hear you and make your tone even and strong. A shaky voice is also an indicator that the teasing has worked to upset you.

Get into an assertive body position. Looking as strong as you sound is also important. You can communicate your inner confidence—or look like you have inner confidence, even if you don’t feel it—by using body language to your advantage. Things like gesturing when you talk and having good posture help your body take up more space, making you actually feel confident. Make sure that your posture is assertive. Stand with your feet firmly planted on the ground, your arms hanging down at your sides, and your hands relaxed. Maintain eye contact with the bully and keep your face relaxed. You might even want to smile a little, since this demonstrates assertiveness. Try power posing for extra confidence. Standing in a powerful position can increase your sense of well-being and confidence for a short period of time. For example, you can try standing like a superhero with your hands on your hips, legs shoulder width apart, chest out, and chin up. Stay in this position for a minute or two.

React in a cool manner. Bullying often gets worse when you get angry in response, so it is a good idea to respond in a calm, cool way. Instead of bursting into tears or yelling out an angry response, try to react as little as possible. Doing so will show the bully that you are not afraid of him or what he is saying to you. Avoid responding directly to what the bully has to say. Instead, try saying something to show your lack of interest or concern. For example, you could say something like, “Are you done talking? I haven’t really been paying attention.” Or, “Your life must be pretty lame since you are always so interested in mine.” Try to avoid starting a teasing cycle. It can be tempting to fight back by teasing a bully the same way they are teasing you, but it is likely that such an action will backfire on you because it shows that you’re irritated. Showing any kind of emotional reaction to teasing usually makes the teaser want to do it more.

Let them tease you. Do an experiment. For one week, take your new attitude with you wherever you have been getting teased (or keep the new attitude available if you aren’t teased on a regular basis). Allow the people to tease you without reacting at all, as much as they want. If after a week they haven’t moved on to teasing someone else, you don’t have to use this strategy anymore. The best way to appear calm through a teasing session is to choose to believe that their teasing doesn’t bother you. This way, if you answer a direct question or use a one-liner, your voice is strong and sincere instead of angry or sarcastic. Say to yourself, “It’s all right if they tease me because it doesn’t bother me at all.” Choose to believe this mantra, and it will show.

See it as a compliment. You may be the target of teasing not because someone thinks little of you, but because they are attracted to you and don’t know how to talk to you except through negative attention. Even if they do have negative intentions for teasing, if you see it as a compliment that you have been chosen, you may be better able to resist getting angry.

Ignoring the Teasing

Act like you can’t hear. One strategy to deal with teasing is to pretend like you can’t hear what they are saying in order to transform it into a joke. If they get in your face and try to force you to respond, just hold your hand to your ear and shake your head. This can turn into a funny situation, especially if you move your mouth without making a sound and perhaps pantomime being in a box or behind a wall. Using humor can diffuse tense situations. If you show the bully how things can be funny instead of hurtful to you, they might start to leave you alone.

Walk away without saying anything. You can try a good old fashioned cold shoulder, although this action can also carry with it an emotional reaction. If you walk away with poor posture, this makes you look defeated; or if you turn away with tears in your eyes or a flushed face, the bully will know they have gotten to you. Try to walk away with your head held high, as though the bully means nothing to you. Act like you meant to walk away anyway.

Yawn instead of getting angry. Looking bored can also indicate indifference to being teased. You can add crossed arms and tapping feet to show your impatience with the barrage, looking at your wrist to indicate that you don’t have time for this. Boredom shows that you aren’t bothered, and eventually a bully should move on.

Respond with a different topic. If someone approaches you with teasing behavior and you don’t want to encourage it, answer them with a comment or question that has nothing to do with their taunts. Ignoring the teasing this way shows that you aren’t interested in allowing it to take place. Respond with a joke like, “What games do tornadoes like best? Twister!” Say a comment about something else, like an event or the weather.

Tell an adult or other authority figure. If none of these ignoring tactics work and the bully doesn’t show signs of stopping after a few days, you can tell a teacher, adult, or other authority figure (such as a boss if it is in the workplace). However, your first request of this adult is for advice, not resolution. If you don’t solve this teasing situation yourself, it can get worse. Having someone else confront a bully on your behalf can show that it bothered you just as much as crying or getting angry in the moment.

Knowing Why You Are Teased

Understand that it’s a game. Although every bully or teaser has a different reason for why they pick on someone, the reason they all choose to tease is because they see it as a game. When you react, they win the game; when you don’t react, you win. Losing isn’t very fun, which is why minimizing your reaction usually makes a bully move on. If someone is teasing you because they like you, it’s still a game, but not reacting won’t make them stop—rather, it might help them to confess their feelings of attraction and be honest with you.

Acknowledge that it’s fun to them. You have to understand that bullies tease because it is fun for them. It is an entertainment they engage in to make themselves feel good and forget negative feelings. They don’t always pick on others because they don’t like them or have low opinions of them. Once you see that it’s not always as personal as it sounds, this can make it easier not to let the teasing get under your skin. Ask around about your bully’s background and see if there isn’t something sad about their life. Having compassion for your bully is also a way to stop letting teasing get to you.

Recognize that it’s all about your reaction. It’s always important to understand that teasing is all about your reaction. When you don’t react, the game is over, and you have won. Bottom line, the best way to react when someone teases you is to not react.