Physically Preventing Tears
Try blinking, or not blinking at all. For some people, blinking quickly and repeatedly can spread tears out and help them reabsorb into the tear duct, preventing initial tears from pooling. Conversely, for some people, not blinking and opening the eyes as wide as is comfortable actually discourages tears from forming by tensing the muscles in and around the eye area. Only practice will tell you which group you fall into.
Pinch your nose. Because your tear ducts stem from the side of your nose to an opening in the eyelid, pinching the bridge of your nose and the sides while clamping your eyes closed can block the tear ducts. (This works best if used before tears begin to flow.)
Smile. Studies have shown that smiling has a positive impact on emotional health. It also positively impact the way others view you. What's more, the act of smiling counteracts the symptoms of crying, making it easier for you to prevent tears.
Cool off. One way to dial back intense, unpleasant emotions is to take a moment to splash cold water on your face. Not only does it relax you, but it can boost your energy and make you more attentive. You can also drip cold water on your wrists and dab it behind you ears. Major arteries run through these areas just below the skin surface and cooling them can have a calming effect on the whole body.
Have some tea. Green tea contains L-Theanine, which, as research has shown, can promote relaxation and decrease tension while also increasing awareness and focus. So the next time you find yourself overwhelmed, with tears welling up, treat yourself to a cup of green tea. Black tea also contains L-Theanine, but not as much.
Laugh. Laughter is an easy, inexpensive form of therapy that can improve your overall health and decrease feelings that lead to crying or depression. Find something that makes you laugh and give yourself some much needed relief.
Try progressive relaxation. Crying occurs often as a product of prolonged tension.This process allows your body to relax tense muscles and calm your thinking. It is also a cognitive activity because it teaches you to recognize how your body feels when you are upset and tense versus when you are relaxed and calm. Starting at your toes, begin tensing the muscle groups of your body one at a time for 30 second intervals, working your way slowly upward to the head. This activity also has the added benefit of relieving insomnia and restless sleep.
Take control. Research suggests that feelings of helplessness and passivity are often at the root of episodes of crying. To prevent crying, shift your body from passive to active. This can be something as simple as getting up and walking around the room, or opening and closing your hands with a slight squeeze to engage your muscles and remind your body that your actions are voluntary and you are in control..
Use pain as a distraction.(If you find yourself causing bruising or other physical harm, it is recommended that you discontinue this method and attempt to use one or more of the other tactics.) Physical pain distracts your senses from the root of your emotional pain, making you less likely to cry. You can pinch yourself (such as between your thumb and pointer finger, or on the back of your upper arm), bite your tongue, or pull your leg hairs from inside your pants pocket.
Take a step back. Remove yourself from the situation, physically. If you are having an argument that is causing you to cry, politely excuse yourself for a few moments. This is not running away from your problem; removing yourself allows you to refocus your emotions and removes the imminent threat of conflict. During this time, practice some of the other techniques to help ensure you do not cry upon re-entering the room and continuing the discussion. The goal here is to bring yourself back to a place of being in control of your emotions.
Preventing Tears with Mental Exercises
Postpone crying. As part of taking control of your emotional responses, when you feel you are about to cry, tell yourself that you can't cry now, but you will allow yourself to cry later. Take a deep breath and focus on de-escalating the emotions that are causing you to tear up. While this may be difficult at first, cognitively recognizing your emotions and conditioning your body to respond in appropriate ways at appropriate times is a long-term solution to crying at inconvenient times. Note that it is never a good idea to put off crying all together, as suppression can create lasting emotional damage and exacerbate the symptoms of anxiety and depression. Always remember to create opportunities to express your emotions.
Meditate. Meditation is an ages old way to reduce stress, combat depression, and relieve anxiety. It doesn't take finding a yogi to benefit from meditation, either. Simply find a quiet spot, close your eyes and focus on your breathing, taking long, deep breaths and exhaling in a slow, measured fashion. You'll notice your negative feelings melting away almost immediately.
Find positive distractions. Find something other than negative emotions to focus on. Think about something that makes you happy or makes you laugh. Watch funny animal videos on the internet. You can also try to focus on something you are looking forward to. If you are a problem-solver, work math equations or take on a small project. If these don't seem to work, mentally imagine a calming, restful place. Let your mind focus on the details of that place that bring you happiness. This will coerce your brain to feel an emotion other than sadness, anger, or fear.
Listen to music. Music has varied benefits when it comes to managing stress. Soothing music can calm us down, while listening to music with empathetic lyrics can empower and reassure us. Choose what is right for you and banish tears with a well-crafted playlist.
Be aware. Focus on your present self, the way food tastes, how the breeze feels on your skin, the way the fabric of your clothing feels when you move. When you focus on the present and really pay attention to your senses, it can relieve mental stress and help you see that the problem you are facing isn't quite so imposing.
Be grateful. We often cry because we feel overwhelmed by what we see as wrong with our life or because of problems that we face. Take a deep breath and consider that the problem you are facing is less severe, relative to other problems you could be facing or have faced in the past. Remind yourself of the good things you have to be thankful for. Keep a journal to remind yourself of your blessings and to help you through particularly trying times.
Confronting the Cause of Your Own Tears
Identify the source. Does the urge to cry accompany certain emotions, events, individuals, or types of stress? Is the source something that you can minimize contact or interaction with? If the answer is "yes," develop ways of avoiding or restricting contact with the source. This could be as simple of avoiding lengthy conversation with a coworker who hurts your feelings or avoiding sad or violent films. If the answer is no, consider reaching out to a therapist for coping strategies. This is particularly appropriate for when conflict with close family or loved ones is identified as the source of negative emotions that lead to crying.
Acknowledge emotions as they occur. Although distractions are useful when crying occurs at inopportune times, take the time when you are in a safe, private place to experience your emotions authentically. Be introspective, analyzing your feelings, the sources, and possible resolutions. Ignoring your emotions or trying to repress them constantly is counterproductive to healing and improvement. In fact, ongoing problems can linger in your subconscious and actually increase episodes of crying.
Take stock of the good things. Develop the habit of self-policing your negative thoughts and remind yourself of good things about yourself. Try to maintain a 1:1 ratio of positive to negative thoughts whenever possible. This will not only make you happier in general, it will help prevent unpredictable emotions by training your brain to know that, in spite of problems, you are a worthwhile individual.
Journal to understand the source of your tears. If you are having difficulty controlling your tears or you're not even sure why you're crying, journaling can help you get to the root. Journaling can have a positive impact on your health, can help you see the positive benefits of a stressful event, and help clarify your thoughts and feelings. Writing about anger or sadness can decrease the intensity of these emotions, which may help curb your crying. You will also get to know yourself better, becoming more confident and aware of situations or people that are toxic and should be removed from your life. Try journaling for 20 minutes a day every day. Practice "free writing," in which you don't worry about spelling, punctuation, or any other "shoulds." Write quickly so you can't censor yourself. You'll be surprised by what you learn and how much better you will feel. Journaling allows you to freely express your emotions without judgement or inhibitions. If you have experienced a traumatic event, journaling can help you process your emotions and can actually make you feel more in control. Write about the facts of the event and the emotions you experienced to get the most out of your journaling.
Get help. If nothing seems to help curb episodes of crying and negative emotion and it's having an impact or your relationships or employment, take the first step toward a solution by contacting a licensed therapist. Often the problem can be solved with behavioral therapies; however, if there is an medical reason for these problems, a therapist can ensure you receive proper medication. If you are experiencing symptoms of depression, seek help from a counselor or mental health professional. Symptoms of depression include: persistent sad or "empty" feeling; feelings of hopelessness, guilt, and/or worthlessness; thoughts of suicide; decreased energy; difficulty sleeping or sleeping too much and appetite and/or weight changes. If you are experiencing suicidal thoughts, get help immediately. Try calling or texting the National Suicide and Crisis Lifeline at 988. In Canada, you can visit this website to take quick action, as well as contact the Suicide Crisis Helpline (988) for help. You can visit IASP to find a helpline in your country. Or call someone you trust to talk about how you are feeling.
Know when you're grieving. Grief is a natural response to loss; it could be the death of a beloved family member, the loss of a relationship, losing a job, loss of health, or any other loss. Grieving in personal – there is no "right" way to grieve, nor is there a prescribed time table for grieving. It may take weeks or years, and there will be many highs and lows. Seek support from friends and family. Sharing your loss is one of the most important factors in healing from loss. A support group or grief counselor may also be helpful. Eventually the emotions connected to grieving should become less intense. If you experience no improvement or your symptoms only seem to get worse over time, your grief may have developed into major depression or complicated grief. Contact a therapist or grief counselor to help you move toward acceptance.
Stopping Infants and Children from Crying
Know why infants cry. Remember that crying is one of the only forms of communication that an infant can access, and it is a consistent indicator of need. Put yourself in the mindset of the child and consider what could be causing discomfort. Some common reasons that babies cry are: Hunger: Most newborns require feeding every two to three hours around the clock. The need to suckle: Infants have a natural instinct to latch and suckle as this is how they derive nourishment. Loneliness. Babies require social interaction to develop into happy, healthy children and will often cry when they want affection. Tiredness. Newborn infants need frequent naps, sometimes sleeping as much as 16 hours of the day. Discomfort: Think about the context of the crying episode and what your child's experience may be in order to anticipate normal needs and desires. Over-stimulation: Too much noise, movement or visual stimulation can overwhelm infants, causing them to cry. Illness. Often the first sign of illness, allergy, or injury is that the infant cries and does not respond to soothing.
Ask the child questions. Unlike the guessing game we play with infants, children have access to more sophisticated forms of communication and we can ask, "What is wrong?" This doesn't necessarily mean that they are capable of communicating like adults, though, so it's important to ask simple questions and read between the lines when a child seems unable to describe a problem in detail.
Notice if the child is injured. Younger children can have difficulty answering questions when upset, so it is important for parents and caregivers to pay attention to the context and physical condition of the child when they are crying.
Offer distractions. If the child is hurt or unhappy, it can help to distract them from the pain until it subsides. Try to refocus their attention on something they like. Determine if and where injury may have occurred, but ask about every part of her body except for where they are actually hurt. This requires them to think about those body parts rather than the one which hurts, creating a distraction.
Reassure the child. Children often cry in response to discipline or after negative interactions with an adult or a peer. When this occurs, determine whether action is warranted to mediate the situation (e.g. put fighting children in time-out) but always remind the child they are safe and loved, in spite of conflict.
Time out. All children will behave badly from time to time. However, if the child uses crying, anger, or shouting in an attempt to receive what they want, it is important to prevent the association between bad behavior and satisfaction. If your toddler or child is throwing a tantrum, remove the child to a quiet room and let them remain there until the tantrum passes, returning them to a social environment when the anger has passed. If the upset child is old enough to walk and follow commands, ask the child to go to their room, reminding them that they are allowed to return, tell you what they want, and why they are upset once they calm down. This also teaches the child productive coping strategies for anger and disappointment while still ensuring the child feels loved and respected.
Soothing a Crying Adult
Ask if assistance is needed. Unlike infants and children, adults are capable of making independent assessments of their condition and whether assistance is needed. Before stepping in and attempting to help, always ask if you can offer assistance. If the person is in emotional pain, they may need space and time to process emotions before including another person in the coping process. Sometimes, just the offer of assistance is enough to help a person cope with distress. If the situation is not serious and the person welcomes a distraction, tell a joke or funny story. Comment on something funny/strange that you read online. If the person is a stranger or distant acquaintance, ask them non-intrusive questions about their likes and preferences.
Identify the cause of pain. Is the pain physical? Emotional? Has the person had a shock or been victimized in some way? Ask questions but also be observant of the situation and surroundings for clues. If the person is crying and appears to have been injured or in need of medical assistance, call the emergency services immediately. Remain close by until help arrives. If the location is unsafe, move the person to a safer location nearby if possible.
Give appropriate physical contact. In the case of a friend or loved one, it may be helpful to offer a hug or hold hands. Even an arm around the shoulders can be a source of support and comfort. Different situations permit different degrees of physical contact, however; if you are unsure whether the person will take comfort from this kind of assistance, always ask.
Focus on the positive. Without necessarily changing the subject, attempt to focus on positive aspects of what is causing emotional distress. In the case of the loss of a loved one, for example, mention good times that were shared with the person and things about them that were loved. If possible, reminisce over funny memories that may elicit a smile or possible laugh. Being able to laugh can exponentially reduce the urge to cry and improves overall mood.
Let them cry. Crying is a natural response to intense emotional distress and, while there are occasions where it is in opportune or inappropriate, provided no one else is being hurt, letting someone cry could ultimately be safest, most supportive option.
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