How to Talk to a Girl at the Gym

Scoping out Your Approach

Find a way to work out inconspicuously near her. Be careful not to follow her around or keep using the same equipment as she is, as she’ll probably notice. When you’re in a nearby area, you can take the opportunity to learn more details about her that will later become good conversation starting points. If you’re in the same class, try to grab a spot near hers. Afterwards the class will be a shared experience to comment on. Notice things like whether she seems to be focusing on a specific category of exercises or whether she watches a certain show while she's on the elliptical.

Use opportunities to show how polite you are. By following normal gym etiquette, you can demonstrate that you’re considerate of others. This includes wiping down equipment after you use it and wearing decent gym-wear and antiperspirant. For example, you might say the following: “Hey, would you mind if I worked in with you on this machine?” “You can go ahead and fill your water bottle first.”

Avoid showing off, being condescending, or leering. The gym is a place where a woman should feel safe to focus on being healthy. This is hard to do when somebody is grunting excessively nearby, making a scene by doing half reps with heavy weights, or trying to out-lift and out-run everybody at every turn. Don’t ask her if she needs to be spotted; it makes it seem like she isn’t self-aware enough to ask for assistance if she needs it. Unless she seems in immediate danger of severely injuring herself, don’t correct her form because it will make you seem nosy and critical. Don’t do anything that could be construed as crude, like staring when she bends down, gazing at her chest, or commenting outright on her appearance.

Beginning a Conversation

Wait for a convenient time to get her attention. It will be hard for her to speak to you when she’s concentrating on an intense set or is out of breath from a tough run. Most girls will be annoyed if they are interrupted while they are wearing earphones, so wait to speak to her until she’s taken them off.

Approach her confidently but without aggression. Confidence helps others relax around you, and is one of the most attractive qualities someone can have. Communicate confidence through body language by avoiding fidgeting and maintaining good posture and appropriate eye contact. A smile and a quick "hey" or short lingering eye contact should be enough to get her attention. Remember that since you’re both at the gym, you know you already share an interest in pursuing a healthy lifestyle! Do not, under any circumstances, lead with a pick-up line. It will make you come across as somebody who is impersonally trying to hit on every cute girl you see.

Make an opening comment about something in the area. This can be anything from a response to the music, to a brief opinion of the gym or a goofy gym member. You can also bring up the equipment, how a class went, or talk about her gear in an impersonal way. Try phrases like these: ”Wow, that spin class was tough.” ”I’m dying to know, is that a Marvel reference on your shirt?” ”I’m glad they’ve added more weights recently.” Reader Poll: We asked 367 wikiHow readers who’ve successfully flirted with a girl in public, and 61% said that making an observation about what’s happening around you is the best way to open the conversation. [Take Poll] So according to wikiHow readers, this is a great strategy!

Keep any compliments non-physical. People can feel particularly self-conscious about their bodies at the gym. Furthermore, physical compliments may make the girl feel objectified, like she isn’t being seen as a person. Compliments on how hard she’s working will make her feel noticed in a positive way, and encourage her to talk a little about herself. Try saying something along these lines. “You really killed it on those chin-ups!” “Whoa, you’re so focused. Are you training for anything in particular?”

Ask the girl for help with equipment or an exercise. People who can admit they don’t know everything come across as both self-confident and humble. This request can be about anything from how to use the squat rack, to the proper form for a lat pulldown. You can even ask her to spot you, just make sure she can actually help you with the amount of weight you choose. Request help by saying things like this: “Hey, would you mind teaching me how to do that stretch?” “Sorry to bother you, but could you help me figure out this machine?”

Setting up Future Conversations

Watch for hints of disinterest or interest. It’s easy to get offended by rejections, but keep in mind that girls don’t go to the gyms to have extended conversations with everyone that walks by. Staying laid back is crucial because being overly eager can be off-putting at best and frightening at worst. If you tried to exchange names and she answered with silence, she probably isn’t interested and you should move on. If she keeps trying to go back to her workout and maybe even moves to a different area, she probably isn’t interested and should be left alone.

Exercise patience and don’t spend excessive time talking. 1 to 3 minutes is a good range. The gym is not intended as a first date location.Your goal is to create a connection with her that will open the door to interacting more with her at a later time. Speaking too much to her too early forces her to fake being friendly or express disinterest as obviously as possible.

Avoid asking for her number or asking her on a date immediately. This may make her feel rushed, intimidated, or threatened. The goal of these initial exchanges is to make yourself more familiar to her without making her feel uncomfortable. By giving her time to get to know you a little, you give her the opportunity to realize what a nice person you are without outside pressure. After speaking with her a little, leave when the conversation seems to be dragging or she seems distracted.

Build on previous conversations in subsequent days. For example, if you talked about a show the first time, tell her about another good show you've recently watched. If she recommended a workout class to you and you attended it, let her know how the class was. After the initial ice is broken, talking to her at the gym should be a bit more like talking to a girl anywhere else: listen carefully to what she says and be yourself when you're responding.

Invite her out after a couple more conversations. Two or three interactions should be sufficient. Whether or not she shoots you down or shuts down, you know you’ve put yourself out there with confident politeness. Try asking her out by saying something similar to the following: “We should go out/get a drink/work out together some time. Can I have your number?” You can also suggest grabbing a drink at the smoothie or juice bar, since everybody’s hungry after the gym. If she says she’s busy, ask to meet up another time in case she really does have other legitimate plans.

Don't be discouraged by rejection. There are many other great girls out there! If things don't quite work out with this one, there will be other chances. Being rejected is perfectly normal and doesn't mean anything bad about you as a person. All it means is that you and this particular girl weren't a good fit at this point in time.