How to Write Goodbye Letters

Writing a Personal Goodbye Letter to a Friend or Partner

Write a letter to yourself first if it's a bad goodbye. That is, if you're breaking up with a partner or letting go of a toxic friend, it's best to get your own feelings out of the way first. Take time to write a healing letter and list all your complaints and hurt feelings. Use this letter to vent everything, and then you can move on to writing a letter for your friend or partner. The first letter tends to be emotionally charged. You may want to blame the other person for everything or hurl insults. But getting it out of the way is good because then you can move on to a calmer, more rational letter. If your letter is directed at a partner who doesn't know yet that you're breaking up, make sure you talk to them in person first before writing and sending a goodbye letter. Reader Poll: We asked 145 wikiHow readers and only 8% thought that writing a letter or email is the best way to tell your partner that you’re leaving them. [Take Poll]

Focus on the good times. Spend at least part of the letter talking about what you like about the person and your relationship together. In most relationships, there are good times as well as bad, and no matter why you're saying goodbye, you can still end on a good note by taking time to think about what was good. You could write about good memories, like how you met or when you fell in love.

Talk about what you like about the other person. Even though you're saying goodbye to the person, you can still note what you liked about the person in the past. You don't need to trash the person to move on, and if you really feel the need to, then maybe that's a letter you should keep to yourself instead. For example, you could say, "I love your kind spirit, your willingness to go on adventures, and your compassion for everyone you met. You made me want to be a better person, and for that, I will always be grateful."

Apologize and forgive the other person. If you're breaking up, you both likely played some part in how ended. Don't hold back. Apologize for any part you played in what happened, and if you can, offer forgiveness to the other person. That way, you don't part with bad blood between you. For example, you might write, "I'm sorry for how things have ended between us, and I apologize for my part in that. I don't hold any grudges against you, and I hope you won't hold any against me."

End with a kind sentiment if you can. If this person was special to you, you can make note of that at the end. Discuss how you'll still think about the person in the future, for instance, and how you'll remember the good times fondly, despite the fact that you need to go your separate ways. For instance, you might say, "I'm sorry that we have to go our separate ways, but I think we just don't work together anymore. No matter what, you will always hold a special place in my heart."

Composing a Professional Goodbye Letter

Be selective about who you send letters to. For the most part, you should only send out emails to people you know directly. Send emails to people you were friends with, co-workers you got along with but didn't know as well, people under you, and your manager. The exception to this rule is if you've been at the head of the company for more than 3 years. In that case, it's fine to send out an email to everyone in the company.

Begin with the date you're leaving and a short explanation. The opening paragraph should establish the purpose of the letter, the fact that you're leaving. Include the date of your last day and the reason you're leaving, if it's appropriate. For instance, saying you were fired is probably not the best thing to include; however, if you're taking a position at a new company, you can include that information in letters to your friends. For example, you might write, "Just dropping a note to let you know that Friday, January 10 will be my last day at Rogers Incorporated. While I'm sad to be leaving, I know great opportunities are ahead."

Use the second paragraph to establish what the person meant to you. While a form letter is appropriate sometimes, such as when you're writing to the whole company, in general, you should personalize each letter to the person. Tell them how much you enjoyed working with them and what you appreciate about your professional relationship with them. You can also write what you learned from them or what you wish for them as they move forward in their careers. For instance, you could say, "I've so enjoyed working together with you during my time here. You've got a great mind, and I love how you are always able to settle disputes. I hope we can stay in touch in the future." For a more generic letter, you might write, "I'm so proud of the work we've done together at this company. You all are hard workers, as well as being creative and team-driven. Let's keep in touch going forward."

Say what you enjoyed about working there. This option works especially well in a less personal letter. It's a positive way to connect with the people who are still there, and it helps you end on a good note. For example, you could say, "I loved working at Rogers Incorporated. The relaxed atmosphere created the perfect environment for creativity to flourish. Everyone is so positive, and I'll miss that as I move on."

Keep the letter positive. A goodbye letter isn't the place to complain or air grievances. You definitely don't want to burn bridges that you may need later! Instead, stay positive and keep it civil. That way, you can still network with the people you worked with later. You never know when you'll need that connection.

End with your contact information and a positive closing. Your personal (professional) email is enough for most people. However, if you'd like to have the occasional lunch with someone, you might include your phone number or even home address. For a closing, you might write, "I wish you the best of luck moving forward, and I hope to hear from you soon!"

Leaving Your Loved Ones a Letter with Your Will

Write these letters now. You never know when today will be the last day. While that's a stark fact, it's also one we all must live with. Therefore, if you want to be sure your loved ones have something to hold on to when you're gone, you should write them and include them in your will now, not wait until you are too sick to do it. This type of letter offers a way for you to tell your loved ones how much they mean to you, offer memories, and even apologize for past mistakes. If you want to, you can continue to update these letters or rewrite them over the years as you age.

Use a template if you don't know where to begin. You can find these on the internet. Typically, they'll guide you through the process by offering questions you can answer. Writing this type of letter is much easier when you have prompts in front of you. For instance, try the template at http://med.stanford.edu/letter/friendsandfamily.html.

Talk about your regrets. If you've never had a chance to talk about them in person, you can say it here. You may regret something you did to the person or not spending enough time with them. Let them know that you're sorry for your actions, and you wish you could've done better. For instance, you might write, "I regret that I waited so long to apologize to you for my actions. We could have had so many more years together."

Forgive those who've hurt you. Some people will have a hard time forgiving themselves for the things they've done to you, and they may feel even more guilty after you're gone since they can't rectify the situation. Offering your forgiveness in a letter may help them forgive themselves. For example, you could say, "I know you feel guilty for the times you couldn't be there for me. Don't. You were the best child a person could ask for, and I know you did the best you could to be a part of my life. Please go easy on yourself."

Express your love and thanks. Above all, this letter is a place to tell your loved ones what they mean to you. Don't hold back; they deserve to know what they really mean to you. It can help to bring up memories of things you've done together or talk about specific things you love about the person. For example, if you're writing to your daughter, you might say, "Never underestimate how much I love you. You're the joy of my life, and I never for a moment regretted having you. You're such a special person; your heart, your wit, and your smarts will get you so smart. I admire all you've accomplished, and I know you will do great things in the future, my baby girl."

End by saying goodbye. This is a goodbye letter, after all, and saying goodbye will provide a sense of closure for you and the person you're writing to. If you have spiritual beliefs about death, you can include those here. For example, you might write, "Even though my body will be gone, my spirit will live on, and I will be with you forever."

Writing a Healing Goodbye Letter for Yourself

Use openings and closings. You may not feel like you need to use these because the letter is just for you, right? However, when you use these conventions of a letter, it makes you think about the other person and the relationship, which is a good way to get started. You can also write goodbye letters to things like addiction. For instance, you could write a goodbye letter to your cigarette addiction. Just treat the addiction as a person in the letter. Another option is to write a letter to your future or past self to try to heal some of your hurt and anger.

Air all your grievances and complaints. This letter isn't meant to be sent, so you can say whatever you want! Discuss what made you mad, what hurt you, what you're still holding on to, and what you need to let go of. For instance, if you're mad that your ex never listened, write that out in your letter!

Write down your feelings. This isn't just about detailing the things you suffered through the other person. It's also about getting out the emotions you're feeling. Try to be honest with yourself and really get down to the nitty-gritty of the emotions you're still going through from that relationship. Maybe you feel hurt or betrayed. Maybe you still love the person, but you can't be with them. Get it all down on paper.

Use the phrase "I forgive you" if you can. When you're feeling hurt and upset by a relationship, it can be hard to forgive the other person. However, when you haven't forgiven them, it's only hurting you, as you're the one living with the grudge. The first steps to forgiveness lie in laying out your pain and actually writing the words "I forgive you." While this won't magically change the way you feel about the person, it can be a first step to letting go of your hurt and anger. Try to mean the words as you write them.

Destroy the letter or save it for later. It can be cathartic to destroy the letter. You can rip it to shreds or even burn it if you want. However, it's also fine if you want to hold on to it. When you come across it later, it can serve as a reminder of how far you've come. It's not a good idea to send it to the person. You can use it as a first draft for another letter, but this letter is really about getting your emotions out.