What Does "Something Casual" Mean?

• Most people who say they’re looking for something casual are really just looking for a hookup.
• The best way to figure out exactly what a date is looking for in a relationship is to communicate openly about both of your expectations.
• Casual relationships can turn into serious relationships—but don’t count on this happening.

What It Means When Someone Says They’re Looking for “Something Casual”

They’re likely just looking for a hookup. Many people use “something casual” as a less crude way of saying they just wanna bang. They may be interested in carrying on a friends-with-benefits relationship, or they may just be looking for a one-night stand, but either way, they’re probably not looking for more than that. While "casual dating" could mean a one-night-stand or an ongoing casual relationship, the vast majority of casual daters sleep with people they've known longer than a day.

They may see other people. Some folks who aren’t interested in committing to one person may use “casual dating” as shorthand for “dating around.” They may know they’re not ready for or interested in pursuing a committed monogamous relationship. So if your date says they want to keep things casual, consider that that may mean they’re seeing you tonight and someone else tomorrow night. There’s nothing wrong with seeing multiple people if everyone’s open about it, and even people looking for a serious relationship might see multiple people before committing to one of them.

They don’t have any expectations. Part of being in a committed relationship is being able to count on your partner—you can call them in a crisis, you factor each other into your major life decisions, and though you likely won’t hang out constantly, you’d probably be hurt if they took off for a weekend without telling you. In casual relationships, there are little to no expectations: your date might not reach out to you much, and date nights are never assumed. You may hook up with your casual partner and then never hear from them again, or maybe you only hear from them when they want to hook up. But there’s no expectations beyond that, really.

They aren’t currently interested in pursuing a long-term relationship. They’re not interested in whether you’d be a good life partner—or whether they’d be one. Even if they're interested in one day having a long-term thing, it's not where their head is at right now. This means no weekend trips to the country, no meeting the parents, no questions about how many children you want or what your 5-year plans are. People who pursue “something casual” are generally living in the here and now only. Some people who date “casually” may be open to a long-term relationship and just want to take things slow before committing, but don’t expect this to be the case with every casual dater.

They likely won’t keep in constant contact. When you first start dating someone, you might text all day and make regular plans to see each other. Even after the honeymoon period has ended, partners in a committed relationship likely keep in fairly constant contact: they prioritize hanging out and cultivating intimacy and you likely talk every day. In a casual relationship, there are no such communication expectations. They’ll likely just text to see if you want to hook up, or maybe hang out in a very surface-level, noncommittal way.

They probably won’t be your emotional support. You might be able to call this person at 2 a.m. for a booty call, but not to talk you through your late-night existential dread. In a serious relationship, you and your partner rely emotionally on one another, but most casual relationships are surface-level only. Because casual relationships often don’t take the future into consideration and, in fact, are usually short-lived, most casual daters avoid getting emotionally attached to the people they go out with.

How do you know what “casual” means for a specific person?

Communicate your expectations clearly. While “casual dating” means generally the same thing for most people, the specifics will vary from person to person and situation to situation. It’s important to lay your cards out on the table when you first match with someone to make sure you’re both on the same page—and don’t beat around the bush or pretend you’re looking for the same things they’re looking for. Being forthright with one another from the get-go is the best way to ensure you both have a good time and that neither of you gets hurt. It can feel awkward being open about relationship expectations, but avoiding the conversation only leaves room for misunderstandings. When a hottie matches with you on Bumble and says they’re looking for “something casual,” ask them what that means to them: “That sounds right up my alley! But just to be sure we’re on the same page, what does a ‘casual relationship’ look like to you?” If you intend to pursue an ongoing friends-with-benefits relationship, set ground rules—for instance, how often will you see each other? Will you ever hang out in a non-hookup context? Will you see other people while seeing each other? And for the love of God, practice safe sex. Be sure to check in often with your friend-with-benefits to make sure you’re both still having a good time.

Can a casual relationship become serious?

It can...but don’t count on it. Anything can happen. But keep in mind that a casual relationship is “successful” if it doesn’t get serious, and rarely do casual relationships become something more than a fling or hookup. If you match with someone who says they’re looking for a casual relationship only, and you’re looking for something serious, don’t go out with the hope that they’ll change their mind—because they likely won’t. Studies suggest people who date casually are generally satisfied with it, as long as all participants are upfront about their expectations. In situations where one partner secretly hopes to turn a casual relationship into a committed one, casual dating may cause significant mental distress.

Signs a Casual Relationship Is Right for You

You’re not ready for a serious relationship. People may not be prepared for a serious commitment for a variety of reasons: maybe they just got out of one and aren’t fully over it yet. Maybe they’re about to move cross-country and don’t want to start something new. Maybe they’re super busy with work and other obligations and don’t have the time or energy for an emotional commitment. If for whatever reason a serious relationship seems like too much to take right now, casual dating might be for you. Keep in mind that lots of people move back and forth from “casual” to “serious” at different times throughout their life.

You don’t mind if your partner dates around. Some folks like the idea of dating around themselves, but they don’t really want the people they date to see other people, which really isn’t fair. It’s human nature to want to have your cake and eat it too, but if you fall into this category, casual dating might not be for you. There are some casual daters who don’t date around, but make sure you and your partner are on the same page before beginning a relationship.