Marriage is like dying: everyone thinks there is life after death and yet no one knows for sure. What makes the M word so tough for everyone is that apart from living with someone else for the rest of your life, there are other marital attachments that one needs to adjust to.
And if the common man has such a tough time with marriage, one can just imagine how nuptials and anything to do with them assume that much more importance when the person in question is a celebrity.
If marriage for regular people is perhaps the union of two souls and two sets of families (usually!), weddings for celebrities is the union of publicity, marketing, sales pitch and the putting together of the biggest media event (usually!). Of course, the bigger the celebrities involved, the bigger the drama.
Now, after the much publicised Liz Hurley-Arun Nayyar wedding, India prepares for the next big Shaadi Tamasha: the Aishwarya Rai-Abhishek Bachchan wedding. The Beauty and the Best Of The Lot.
With the nuptials getting grander every year, a celebrity wedding does not classify as an event until it has it's own USP, that something 'different' from other celebrity weddings -- unless you happen to be Liz Hurley or Jennifer Lopez and are the biggest selling point yourself.
But given that everyone has done everything - from landing in helicopters, to marrying in a palace, having separate ceremonies and celebrations spread out over a week - what would be so spectacular, or dramatic, or interesting or different about the Ash-Abhi wedding?
With a week to go for A and A to join together in holy matrimony, here are some quick pointers - taken liberally from other celeb weddings - of things they should do that might just make the the affair a little more than yet another celebrity wedding.
All relatives should be barred from the wedding
Having a Who's Who list of celebrity invitees is just so passé. Ash-Abhi should take a leaf out of Liz-Arun's book of marital conduct and should bar their respective families from attending the wedding. If that's too much, perhaps they should just ban Senior Bachchan from entering the venue… he might just distract the media!
Create a political (non) issue
Somehow, most celebrity weddings - outside India - are strangely apolitical. Perhaps it's because the West doesn't have politicians as colourful as ours. For that reason, Ash-Abhi should make theirs a hardcore political rally, what with uncle Amar Singh being a close family friend.
In fact, they should set precedent, cancel that supposed magazine deal for the exclusive rights to their wedding pictures and should use those pictures for Amar Singh's political brochures and pamphlets instead. Their slogan could be: Hum Do, Hamara Poora UP.
Go trendy, go Dhoom 2!
Everybody, and we mean everybody, marries in the finest of wedding apparel, be it virginal white gowns or the bridal red lehengas. Angelina Jolie and Britney Spears did it in a black tee shirt and white torn shorts respectively. Since Ash managed to actually look hot - and not just plastic- in Dhoom 2, we suggest the two tie the knot in the blue bikini she sported and Abhi's open-to-the-chest shirt the two wore in the flick. Or perhaps even a Bunty-Babli get up, just to add a touch of spice to an otherwise regular shaadi.
Next Page: Have a special, Benefit Bollywood cricket match
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Have a special, Benefit Bollywood cricket match
Here's killing two birds with one stone, employment for not-good-for-most-things cricketers and something different for Ash-Abhi: a cricket match where the match is fixed, in favour of the cricketers. The wining amount should then be used to open a school for training beauty queens in UP.
Product placements and parting gifts…
With the number of products endorsed by Daddy Bachchan, the Bs should create history by tying up with every major and minor brand in the country to sponsor whatever possible for the wedding. They should allow the brands to display logos, glowing neon signs and even have their jingles playing in the background. As for thank-you gifts for the few guests present, it should be a sign-one-get-one-free contract where signing any one of the Bachchans would get you another acting Bachchan free.
Despite everything, Brand Bachchan, is here to stay; and with the wedding, the family consolidates its position as They Who Do Know No Wrong. So, here's wishing the couple a happy married life in advance, and since now that we will HAVE to see, hear and read what they do for their wedding, here's hoping Ash-Abhi might as well make it worth our while by following these suggestions.
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