- Enjoy the moments immediately following sex by cuddling with your partner, lying in comfortable silence, and letting conversation come when it feels right.
- Talk openly about getting home or spending the night, and take steps to make sure you or your partner gets home safe.
- Use the restroom and bathe to reduce the risk of infections, and take a mental inventory to help sort your emotions.
- Communicate clearly with your partner about what the both of you want from the relationship, and treat them like any other friend when you see them in public.
Appreciate the silence immediately afterward.
Enjoy the afterglow and let the intimacy of the moment fade gradually. Take a few minutes to just bask in the post-sex feeling. Intercourse may be over, but the blissful warmth and connectedness doesn’t have to be. Revel in a few minutes of silence and satisfaction with your partner while you both wind down. You don’t have to say or do anything immediately afterward. Trust your instincts, and only make your next move when it feels right to. It’s important to take a few minutes to rest and recharge if you plan on going for a second round.
Keep the physical intimacy going.
Cuddle your partner. Rather than rolling over to claim your half of the bed, roll toward your partner and hold them close. Cradle them in your arms and gently nuzzle their neck or stroke their hair. Chances are you’ll drift off into a peaceful slumber together after a while, providing the perfect end to your night. Physical affection is extremely important after sex. Without it, your partner may get the wrong idea and think that you were just in it for your own pleasure.
Share a relaxed activity together in bed.
Watch TV or listen to music to enjoy each other’s company. This is a time to wind down, catch your breath, and get comfortable. Turn on some lowkey music or a show you both can enjoy while snuggled up. They key is doing something together—avoid grabbing your phone or playing a video game alone, which excludes your partner and may make them feel neglected.
Let conversation unfold naturally.
When you do resume talking, do it in an organic fashion. Relax, be yourself, and speak only when you have something worth saying. Complimenting your partner on their performance or asking something as simple as how they’re feeling can be a good place to start. Avoid interrogating questions like “Did I do well?” or “Did you like that?” You might end up putting them on the spot and making them feel uncomfortable. Avoid critiquing or offering unsolicited advice post-sex. It’s a time for feeling good, not getting a lecture.
Use the bathroom.
Take a leak to stay healthy. Once the afterglow has passed naturally, get up to use the restroom. Women especially are prone to bladder or urinary tract infections after sex, and emptying your bladder shortly after sex is the best way to prevent these. Avoid douching after sex. Though it may seem like a healthy course of action, it can actually increase your chances of infection by flushing out natural linings and barriers that protect against bacteria.
Take a bath or shower.
Clean up with or without your partner. Wash with warm water and mild soap to rinse off sweat and other bodily fluids. You can wait until you get home or your partner leaves, but if it feels right, invite your partner to shower with you. Not only will this save water, it’s also an opportunity to be playful and get more comfortable around each other. If possible, wear loose clothes or go commando after bathing. Tight-fitting or nylon underwear after sex can increase your risk of UTIs. Also rinse and scrub any sex toys with warm water and mild soap. This is especially important if your using them with multiple sexual partners—nobody wants a hand-me-down.
Rehydrate and refuel.
Drink some water and eat a probiotic-rich food. It’s best to have a glass of water on the bedside table—dehydration affects your reproductive organs as much as it does the rest of your body, so take a sip, and pass it to your partner. Then, consider sharing a snack like yogurt, kombucha, or other fermented food to promote healthy bacteria that reduce the risk of infections. A post-sex snack can be surprisingly intimate. Feed each other in bed, or just have a casual conversation at the kitchen table after dark.
Spend the night.
Invite your partner to spend the night, or ask if you can spend the night yourself. Spending extra time together can make the dynamic more comfortable and natural. In the morning, you can wake up to each other’s company and enjoy coffee or breakfast together. Be considerate of your partner’s sleeping habits, and communicate yours—things like if you like to be cuddled while you sleep, and what time you like to wake up.
Take your leave.
Find a graceful way to part. If you’re overly tired or just need a little time to yourself, find a tactful way to make an exit or to indicate that your partner ought to make theirs, like explaining that you have work in the morning or a pet to take care of. You can also just be honest and say you enjoyed your time together, but now you’d like some time alone. Take your time getting dressed and out the door to avoid looking too eager to leave. Try not to feel hurt if your partner wants some space after sex. Many people prefer some time to unwind and process the experience alone, and it likely has little to do with your own performance.
Get tested for diseases.
Visit a sexual health clinic in the next day or 2. If you’re unsure about your partner’s sexual health, or they’ve indicated they may have a sexually transmitted disease, visit a sexual health clinic and get tested for diseases or infections as soon as possible. Early detection is the best way to prevent and treat sexually transmitted diseases. Talk to your partner about both of your sexual health statuses before you have sex.
Follow up with a call or text.
Touch base with your partner to keep in touch. Call or message your partner the next day and let them know that you enjoyed their company. Many people make the mistake of intentionally putting off communicating with the other person because they’re afraid it will make them look needy, but this just sows the seeds of doubt. A quick exchange will show them that they’ve been on your mind. It can be tricky to decide whether you should call or text. A phone call is the most personal way to go, since it requires more effort than a text, but a typed message is better than nothing if you’re busy. Don’t wait too long to reach out. Keep in mind that you’re dealing with another person with their own feelings, expectations, and insecurities, not playing a game.
Make your relationship intentions known.
Be up front about what you want. Communication is vital for any relationship, even one between casual sexual partners. Let them know how you feel about things, and encourage them to share their thoughts as well. Mixed signals are a recipe for trouble. It's important to be open and honest with the other person from the very beginning. If you feel uncomfortable seeing your partner again, thank them for the night and inform them you’d like to part ways. Say something like, “I enjoyed my time with you, but I don’t think we’re a good fit.”
Remain warm and friendly in public.
If you want to stay in contact, greet your partner casually when you see them in public. Smile, make eye contact, and give them a few minutes of your time. A good rule of thumb is to treat them the way you would any of your other friends, unless you’ve already agreed to keep things between you quiet.. Keep your boundaries and the terms of your relationship clear, and act accordingly. Don’t disclose your sex life to others if it’d make your partner uncomfortable.
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