How to Deal With Someone Who Really Annoys You

Interacting with the Person

Identify what annoys you about the person. Take some time to think about why the person annoys you. Is it the sound of their voice? The things they say? Their attitude? Or something else. Becoming more aware of why the person annoys you may help you to manage your interactions with them a bit better. For example, you might prepare yourself for an interaction with someone who annoys you because of their negative attitude by telling yourself something like, “Tom and I see things differently, and that’s okay. He has a pessimistic point of view, but it is likely because of things that have happened to him. Just because he sees things this way does not mean I have to see them that way.” You may also want to consider ways that you can limit your interactions with the person. For example, if you work together then you will likely need to see them every day. However, if the person is a family friend, then you can reduce your exposure to them by showing up a little late to gatherings where you know they will be present, or leaving a bit early.

Stay calm. When you see the person who annoys you, you might begin to feel angry, agitated or even nervous. Employ various tactics and strategies to keep yourself calm during this time so that you don’t react negatively or get yourself worked up. One thing you can do is to breathe deeply and slowly. Another thing you can do is to think of a memory or mental scenario that calms you. For instance, imagine that you are on a beach or on a relaxing walk through nature. Try to visualize the sights, sounds, smells, and other sensations of being in your relaxing place. For example, you could imagine the feeling of sand between your toes or the smell of flowers in a nearby field. Practice this frequently and you will be able to calm yourself more quickly. Breathe in slowly through your nose and exhale through your mouth until you feel calm.

Choose a word to calm you. Sometimes, your anxiety and agitation can be similarly soothed if you repeat certain mantras in your head to calm yourself. Repeat something like “peace” over and over until you feel that the word truly resonates and describes your current mental state. You can also choose a word like “happiness” or “serenity.” Repeat it in your head or write it down in a notebook.

Manage nonverbal reactions. Often times, nonverbal communication is even more telling than the things you say. Avoid adding more hostility and angst to the situation by being visibly closed off and angry. Keep your arms and legs uncrossed, avoid frowning or looking down, and never put your hands in someone’s space or face. Make sure that you are doing your part to not escalate the situation verbally or nonverbally.

Practice talking to them in the mirror. You might be feeling a lot of anxiety about having to interact with people who annoy you. Practice different ways of speaking to them without sounding too harsh. For instance, if they tend to talk over or interrupt you, practice continuing to speak despite interruption, or better yet, point it out to them to let them know when they are doing it. You might even practice with a friend. Work on your facial expressions as well so that you don't look too stern.

Be direct and discreet. Sometimes the best way to combat the annoyance is to address them directly rather than trying to avoid or ignore them. Pull them aside away from earshot of others and have a talk with them about your relationship. They may be unaware that they are annoying you at all. Or perhaps they know but don’t understand the extent of your frustration. After your talk, keep the things discussed between the two of you. You can start by saying “Hey Ryan, sometimes in the mornings, I need time to get settled in before chatting. It really is starting to frustrate me. Do you think you could give me an hour before you come by to talk about non-work related things?”

Communicate boundaries. The person annoying you might have difficulty understanding or respecting your boundaries. They might get into your physical space, talk over you, or overshare personal details about their lives that you do not want to know. Perhaps they even pry for inappropriate details about yourself. Let them know that you need them to cease this behavior and ask them to keep things a bit more cordial and professional. You can say something like “Sarah, I know you like to talk about your sex life, but could you do that with someone else? I don’t really like to share or know about details like that.”

Don’t engage in arguments. It can be tempting to argue with people who are annoying, particularly if they are combative or know-it-alls. However, avoid engaging in these debates with them. Unless they have presented some information about you or something important to you that is untrue, let it go. Learn to pick your battles and don’t sweat the small stuff. Remember that you do not have to get involved in other people’s issues. This will help you to save precious emotional energy. If they are telling others things that will defame your character, then address and correct it. If they have an opinion about their favorite musician however, let it be.

Practice silence. Know that every statement or action does not require a response on your part. If you are feeling overwhelmed or simply do not have anything nice or constructive to say, exercise your right to be silent. If the person who is annoying you is not getting a rise from you, they will likely cease their behavior and find someone else to interact with. Though you should respond if someone asks you a question, you don’t necessarily need to respond to general statements or comments.

Set the example. It can be tempting to be petty or act in ways to annoy this person on purpose to get back at them. Doing so will only likely cause their annoying behavior to increase, however. In order for you to establish more peace in your dynamic, you should be embodying those characteristics yourself. Work towards being kind, hardworking, and respectful at all times, regardless of what people do. If they ask you for a favor and you have time, try to do it. Don’t ignore them if they tell you “hello.’’ Don’t gossip or talk badly about them or others.

Limiting Your Interactions

Try to avoid the person when possible. Sometimes, the best way to prevent being annoyed is to get space from the person who is bothering you. Walk a different route to your classes, take a different lunch break at work, or even reconfigure your office so that you do not have to face them if you are in neighboring cubicles. If you work closely with the person, this might be a bit difficult, but you can set up more phone calls and emails rather than meeting in person frequently.

Close your door. Though you cannot change the person, you can alter your surroundings. Perhaps the person who annoys you lives in your home or is someone you work with. If you have your own room or your own office, you can simply close your door when you need some alone time or when you have something to work on that requires your full attention. Exercise your right to privacy as much as possible and whenever you need it.

Make yourself unavailable. One other way to monitor and limit your interactions is to make yourself unavailable so that they cannot approach you. Put your headphones in, make a phone call, or put your purse or bookbag in the chair next to you so they can’t sit by you. If that is the only seat left, don’t be cruel. Allow them to sit down and pull out a book so they know you are busy.

Back yourself up with a friend who knows about your situation. Though you should steer away from gossip, if the person’s annoyance begins to escalate, tell a friend or give them a sign so they can create an excuse for both of you to walk away from the person. Don't make it obvious that you are trying to get away from the person, or they will think you are mean, especially if they do not intend to annoy you. Perhaps your sign is that you pat their shoulder or wink at them.

Step away from the situation. Sometimes, the best way to keep yourself calm is to walk away. If someone is annoying you in particular and you feel yourself on the verge of lashing out, step away, take a walk, go get a snack, or go to the restroom. You will often find that once you return to the situation, you will be much calmer and less likely to respond negatively. For instance, if a coworker is bragging again about how much money his family has, knowing that you are going through a financial hardship, say “Excuse me for a moment,” and take a quick walk until you are calm.

Managing Your Frustration

Talk to a close friend who does not know the person. Sometimes, you just need to vent, and venting can help you to feel better and decrease feelings of annoyance. Rather than taking your frustrations out on the person who is annoying you, which will only further damage your relationship, vent to a trusted friend or family member. Though it can be tempting to gossip to your coworkers or to others who this person might annoy, shy away from doing this so you don’t create drama. Call your mom or spouse and say “Do you have a few minutes to talk? I need to vent about this person I work with.” You can either have them just listen to you or you can ask for advice.

Put their behavior into perspective. Remember that they might not be purposely annoying you, it might just be one of their characteristics. People could find some things that you do annoying, so don't be too harsh to the person or you could offend and upset them. If you feel the situation is starting to get out of control, or if they are getting angry, walk away or an argument could erupt. Usually when someone's being annoying, they're using an indirect way to get recognized. Try saying something like "The way you're acting is getting my attention, but not in a good way." Reflect on the times that others have called you annoying. Recognize that them lashing out in anger towards you did nothing to dissipate the situation, but often times only made both of you feel worse. Try to remind yourself that what you find annoying might not be annoying to other people. The feelings of annoyance are coming from within yourself, not from the other person.

Think about the situation broadly. Often times you might find that what annoys you in the moment is something that will hardly or never cross your mind again in a week or even in an hour. When you are getting worked up because someone is annoying you, badgering you, or being loud, think to yourself “Will this matter later?”

Use humor. Laughter is the best medicine and this instance is no different. When you feel yourself on the brink of annoyance, take a moment to laugh. Watch a funny video on YouTube, revisit some funny memes that you have in your phone, or call a friend who is hilarious. Doing so will improve your mood and allow you to let things go more easily. Distracting yourself can be helpful when the emotions you are felling are getting to you. Take some time to focus on something you enjoy for a while and then come back to the situation.

Report their behavior to the necessary people. The person annoying you may be doing so purposely or their behavior may border on bullying. For example, if they are regularly playing pranks on you that are disrupting your work or your peace, this is unacceptable. If they are calling you names or contacting you frequently outside of work, this is not okay either. Report their behavior to the necessary people, whether that be your boss, teacher, or someone else.