Becoming More than Friends
Understand that friendship and dating are different. If you have been friends, you’ll recognize that the rules and expectations that govern how you communicate with her should be different. If you want to change her mind and get her to view you romantically, do not continue to act like friends.
Start touching her more. Never, under any circumstances, do this in a threatening way or in a way that would make her feel uncomfortable. However, little nudges or letting your knees touch when you’re sitting next to each other could help plant the seed that you like her romantically.
Be honest about your feelings. Is a romantic relationship what you actually want? Then tell her that. Understand that this might risk losing her friendship. Do not be friends with a girl in hopes that you can change her mind about you. This is unfair to her as friendships should be based on trust and respect.
Communicate respectfully and openly that you’d like your friendship to become romantic. Be honest with her. Tell her that you want to be more than friends. If she says she just wants to stay friends, ask yourself if you are able to do that or if it's best just to move on. For example, say something like "I really have a lot of fun with you and always look forward to seeing you. I was wondering if you felt anything more than friendship between us because I definitely do." Your emotions may be too raw after you have been rejected to maintain a friendship. A friendship is based on mutual support and respect. Ask yourself if you can truly give that to her after you have clearly expressed that you see her as more than a friend. Don’t try to force the friendship. Give yourself time to recover.
Talking to Her Friends and Family
Talk to her friends and family. Learn more about her. The more you know, the better you’ll be able to flirt and talk with her. Respectfully approach her friends and family and tell them that you’d like to learn more about her. Be open and honest with your intentions and they will better understand how to help you. Do not present yourself as someone who you are not. This will certainly make things worse if she finds out that you have manipulated those close to her to get your way. Be polite when meeting her parents. Respectful behavior is important to provide an example of how you will treat their daughter.
Respect her and her family's views. If she says she is unsure or not allowed to date in school, it's not the end of the world. As much as you want to go out with her, it's much more important that you establish respect early on. Do not suggest that she lies to her parents or goes behind their back. That will only get her into trouble and make you seem selfish for disregarding what her parents want.
Stay calm and courteous. You may get frustrated if things don't go your way. You may not feel like you're being a bully to her but how are you treating her friends? You may not think you're doing anything wrong but if you don't know her friends, your constant questions may seem intimidating. Don’t be a bully! Research has shown that if you come across as a bully or intimidating that the girl may agree to give you what you want just to get you to stop. Just because you get the response you’re looking for doesn’t mean that she is being sincere. You don't want to build a relationship on these terms.
Talk to her friends and learn more about her. Make sure to make a good impression on them as they are her first line of defense. If she is much more popular than you, or in a different social circle, more effort will be required. Try and talk to that group to get closer to her, and be seen in a different light.
Setting the Stage
Be direct when expressing yourself. Avoid playing games. You don’t need to immediately tell her that you like her and freak her out, but don’t assume that she thinks one way about you. Always respectfully ask and thank her for letting you know her opinion. Open communication is the easiest way to get to know her. If you find it difficult to get her to share anything about herself or to even have a conversation with her, use open-ended questions to get the conversation flowing like "What is your favourite class and why?" or "Tell me something about yourself that most people wouldn't know by looking at you."
Listen to what she is saying. Are you listening to respond or are you truly hearing what she is saying? Actively listen to her and ask questions to make sure that you understand what you’ve heard. Don’t be distracted by outside factors. Look for a quiet place or ask to schedule a meeting to ensure that both of you are mentally and emotionally present.
Keep yourself clean and fresh at all times. If you are maturing fast or very active and notice yourself sweating or smelling bad, start to shower and use deodorant every day. Brush your teeth and comb your hair. Maintaining good personal hygiene is essential. Keep yourself clean and smelling fresh even when you're not around her because if a rumor picks up that you smell, you may lose your chance before even getting to talk with her.
Dress well. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder but what all girls want is a well put together guy. Dressing well shows that you take pride in your appearance. Know your strengths and weaknesses when it comes to your outfits.
Keep your conversations going. You should be able to talk with her often, your conversations should last, and you should be able to talk with her about multiple topics that are interesting to the both of you. Awkward conversations won't cut it. If something feels forced, changed topics.
Talk about things that you two have in common. Ask her if she plays video games because there are surprisingly a lot of girls who enjoy video games as much as boys. Ask her if she likes to draw if you like to draw. If you both like the local sports team you can say, "Hey, did you see yesterday's game?" You can always share something that reminded you of them, like a painting or a documentary.
Be confident. Don't pretend to love something just because you think she does. Know what you like and what you don't so that you have something to talk about. Don't worry about whether or not she likes what you like or admires what you admire. Confidence means stating things which are bold truths and expecting other to respect you for it, whether they agree or not. Do not be a jerk. Having an opinion doesn't mean other opinions are wrong, just that you may not agree.
Escalating Romantic Chemistry
Get her to notice you. Stand out from the rest of her relationships and treat her in a special way. She will never know that you want to be more than friends unless you make your intentions clear. Create romantic tension to get her excited about the possibility of your relationship moving past friendship and turning into a romance. Give her compliments like "you look really beautiful in that dress” or "it's cute how your nose scrunches up when you laugh, I've never noticed that before". Don’t speak to every girl you meet the same way. If you are constantly flirting with every girl you meet, none of them will feel special. You may also develop an unsavory reputation for being a “player”, someone who is desperate or someone who just uses women. Don't be creepy or awkward by lingering at her location without saying something. If you have nothing to say, don’t force it. Just greet her and move along.
Be yourself. You want her to be attracted to you for who you are and not a fake persona that you’ve manufactured. Don’t be fake and put on pretense. It will not only be emotionally draining but it won’t build a lasting relationship. Don’t change your sense of humor or pretend to share the same interests if you don’t actually enjoy the same things. Make sure your compliments are sincere and you genuinely have an interest her.
Find some alone time. Spending time together alone allows you both to get to know each other on a deeper level. Eliminate distractions including cell phones, unwanted visitors, or blaring music. Choose somewhere where you can get some privacy but also is comfortable. She may not be comfortable coming over or you may not be comfortable kissing in public so make an informed choice. Choose an activity that you can both do together like studying, hiking, or grabbing a bite to eat. Make sure you make it clear that it will just be the two of you so you can manage any expectations.
Break the touch barrier. Some of us are naturally more accustomed to initiating physical touch. If you haven’t already established a pattern of physical contact, communicate your intentions by how you touch her. Touching her means that you not only have to physically get close to her but that you also want to get close to her on an emotional level. Touching her is a great way to flirt and should be done casually. Touch her as a reaction to a joke or get close to her without touching her by complimenting her perfume or her hair. Read over her shoulder or place your hand on her lower back when escorting her somewhere. Although this may seem harmless, subconsciously she will know that you want to get closer to her.
Asking Her Out
Have a plan. Ask her out on a high note. You can do this by coming up to her in person where there are few other people, then wait till she is laughing, telling you something about herself, or staring at you intently. You can say something like, "I've been thinking a lot about you lately and would like to ask if you'd go out with me, just the two of us. I think we could have a great time." Asking her out to an activity is better than asking her out to immediately be your girlfriend because it doesn’t put pressure on her. Letting her know that it will just be the two of you and that you’ve been thinking about her sets it up as more than a friendly outing.
Meet her at her locker. Slip a note in her locker that says something like "Do you like me? Because I like you." and at the bottom of the note it could say, "Return your answer to locker 695." This can be taken as a fun cute way to have no commitment or pressure; however, it could also be taken as you being too shy to ask her in person.
Talk to her when she's alone. It's not a good idea to ask her when she's with her friends or in a big group because she could become self-conscious if they call attention to any awkwardness by saying "He totally likes you". Her friends could also embarrass you or her if they think you aren’t a good match. Never get someone else to ask a girl out on your behalf because she may think that she is being pranked. Keep it casual so you don’t scare her off. The best way to ask her out is to do it in person or call/video chat her. Don't text her asking if she wants to go out because it may be misinterpreted.
Have a group outing. Ask a few friends to go skating, to a movie, or to just hang out at your house. If you are close to her, invite her directly. You can also get a mutual friend who is closer to her to invite her. While everyone hangs out in the group, try not to overwhelm her by singling her out but still interact with her enough so that she's thinking of you.
Prepare for any obstacles. Ask her if she has a boyfriend or let her know that you don’t plan on making this uncomfortable or awkward by saying something like, "Wanna go out sometime? We don't have to kiss or tell anyone” If she is apprehensive but still says yes, make sure you follow her rules. If she asked you not to tell then don’t tell anyone. If she asked not to kiss in the relationship then don’t pressure her.
Keep the date simple. Movies in the afternoons are often acceptable because it's public and gives you something to talk about afterwards. You can also invite her to a shared interest like a sporting event or simply walking around her favorite place to shop. Offer to meet her there and make sure you let her know that parents are welcome. Don't invite her on a really big or extreme date at first. Focus on getting the ball rolling and then see where the chemistry takes you.
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