The news of one exam results or the other sounds too common, given there’s an entrance test to take admission in any and every professional degree course, then there are Seat Allotment results awaited, followed by if our child will get the right college, desired stream or not. These results spell stress on young adults. Depression and stress are most common these days.
A person as young as 11 or as old as 60 maybe suffering from depression. In India, parents and children have strong ties and spend most of their life living together, so who better can help a child more than a parent to get through depression and stress.
Concept of friendly parenting is a bit alien in India and here parents usually deal with their child by simply saying “No” or “You Need to Choose This Career Only” or “Dare You Do This” whereas they should try to hear out their child in entirety and try to understand their problem and if they disagree, they can explain their perspective and work out a solution.
Parents are at times even unable to detect that their adult child is suffering from depression or stress since the child doesn’t share it. Even when it is evident from physical symptoms, the child denies facing any kind of issues. The child doesn’t share because since the time we’re born we’re taught to act rather than be strong. Accompanied with the fear of being judged by his/her own parents. At times parents also criticize the child simply because of the “Log Kya Kahenge” cliché. And during all this social monotony the child suffers in silence, too afraid to ask for help and just finding somebody or something on the internet to relate to.
One shouldn’t say it but at times the depression is because of parents. Parents constantly nag their child, compare their child with other children mostly in terms of academics. Also, at times in order to motivate their child they adopt reverse psychology and instead of motivating the child they de-motivate him instead.
At times, parents are blind to their children’s faults and this is wrong, should be open and tell them where they’re going wrong. Half of the depression and stress people take today is over petty issues or ego clashes because people don’t want to compromise or admit their own fault. There is no tolerance. Here is where parents come into play and if they instead of being blind to their child’s fault tell him/her his/her faults in a non-sarcastic way without criticism and make the child understand what can be done about it, it’ll do wonders not only in improving the child but also help in preventing unnecessary stress over petty issues.
Parents also tend to over pamper their child which makes them ineffective when it comes to doing/ taking hard decisions for their child. A popular parenting principle goes as, “Prepare your child for the road, not the road for your child.” If parents wouldn’t pressure their kids or take hard decisions, children will turn out to be over pampered, stubborn snobs who will be used to things going their way always. This kind of attitude in life will do a child more harm than good.
Furthermore, dysfunctional mental health seems like a taboo so much so that such considerable rundown of points are implicitly prohibited and ignored and a willful blindness is adopted towards such issues in an Indian household. Parents don’t do it intentionally, after all they want what’s best for their child but they're just this way because this is the way it has been since an indeterminable point in history when Indian culture made it unsatisfactory to be mentally unwell.
To help your child deal with depression and stress here are a few things you need to stop –
Constantly telling your adult child that depression is just a “phase”
It’s not, hear your child out, give him/her the benefit of doubt. There is no age bracket for depression.
Seek the help of a professional because not all kids are clinically depressed.
Don’t blame them by saying that they’re using this depression or stress as an excuse to avoid work or that they’re just being lazy or distracted or negative.
Start by talking to them and be open minded.
Get rid of the LKK (Log Kya Kahenge) factor
If they fail to make it to a particular exam, please realize yourself that this is not the end of world and further make your child understand this. There are numerous other possibilities from the same streams available in today’s world.
Instead of being upset about the failure or being mad at your child, work through this phase with patience and positivity.
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