I Wanted It To Be Over: Taraji P Henson On Having Suicidal Thoughts During Pandemic

Los Angeles: “Empire” star Taraji P Henson has revealed she thought about ending her life as she was in a “dark place” during the coronavirus pandemic. The Emmy-nominated actor opened up about battling suicidal ideas on her mental health show “Peace of Mind with Taraji” on Facebook where she was joined by Dr LaShonda Green.

“So during this pandemic, it’s been hard on all of us and I had a moment. I had a dark moment. I was in a dark place. For a couple of days, I couldn’t get out of bed, I didn’t care. That’s not me. Then, I started having thoughts about ending it,” Henson said. The 50-year-old said actor she had such thoughts two nights in a row, sometime after she purchased a gun.

“(The gun) it’s in a safe, and I started like, ‘I could go in there right now and end it all, because I want it to be over’,” she recalled. Henson also said she “didn’t care” about leaving behind her son Marcell, 26, because she thought he would “get over” her death.

“I thought about my son, he’s grown, he’ll get over it. I didn’t care. I felt myself withdrawing. People were calling me, I wasn’t responding, I didn’t care.” Eventually, the actor said, she spoke to her friends about her feelings which gave her a chance to reflect on her mental health. “I just blurted it out, ‘I thought about killing myself’. I felt like, if I don’t say it, it becomes a plan. “What scared me is I did it two nights in a row. First, it was like, ‘I don’t wanna be here’ Then I started thinking about going to get the gun and that’s why when I woke up the next morning, I blurted it out,” she said.

In 2018, Henson started The Boris Lawrence Henson Foundation, named after her father who suffered with mental health challenges as a result of his tour of duty in the Vietnam War. The foundation, aimed at eradicating the stigma around mental health issues in the African-American community, in May teamed up with The Tupac Amaru Shakur Foundation to help first responders, essential workers, and all those dealing with mental health issues amid pandemic.

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