Being Okay with Your Feelings
Don’t judge yourself for having feelings. It’s common practice to beat yourself up in the midst of heartbreak for feeling a certain way. Go ahead and suspend those judgments. Make an oath to allow yourself to feel sad, mad, rejected, disappointed, confused or whatever comes. If you find yourself judging, replace those thoughts with positive ones. Say, “You’re human. It’s okay to feel this way.” Letting these feelings happen without judgment is key to releasing them.
Let your feelings out however you need to. You won’t be able to move forward into a healthier, happier future without addressing this pain. Don’t try to put it off or deny that it’s there. Let it wash over you in whatever way feels right— crying, sleeping, shouting, or venting to friends are all acceptable outlets.
Practice mindfulness meditation. Mindful techniques can help you learn to sit with your feelings. Try sitting in silence and focusing on your breath. Breathe in through your nose and out through pursed lips. When thoughts and feelings arise, try to name and accept them. For example, if you are concerned that you’ll never find love again, you might say, “I am worried about the future.” Don’t try to further analyze the emotion. Simply breathe in and out and let it just be there. It's a good idea to do your mindfulness meditation while you do something physical, as this will help your body release some of your stress hormones. You could try walking or doing yoga while you engage in mindfulness.
Make self-care a top priority. Dealing with heartbreak can be physically, mentally, and emotionally draining, so dedicate time to nourishing your mind, body, and soul. Eat well, exercise, journal, and get plenty of rest. Other ways to practice self-care might be watching a favorite movie, spending a day at the spa, or cuddling with a pet on your couch. If the urge arises to deal with your emotions in unhealthy ways, like rebound sex or drugs, resist the temptation in favor doing more self-care.
Working Through the Pain
Confide in people you trust. Withdrawing or pushing people away will only make it harder for you to get over heartbreak. Talk to people about what you’re going and get support, encouragement, or advice. Say, “I’m having a hard time accepting the breakup. Can you talk?”
Meet with a counselor. If you’re having trouble coming to terms with the breakup or you’re struggling with anxiety or depression, a professional counselor can help. A counselor can help you work through your feelings and develop healthy ways to cope. Ask your family doctor, loved ones, or friends for recommendations of counselors in your area.
Do a forgiveness ritual. Write a letter detailing everything that happened or talk to an empty chair and pretend the person who hurt you is sitting in it. You might also repeat forgiveness affirmations, like “I am choosing to let go of pain and resentment. I forgive so I can make room for abundance in the future.” The last thing you might want to do is forgive the person who broke your heart, but forgiveness is for you, not them. It allows you to let go the pain so you can open your heart for future possibilities.
Focus on the lessons you’ve learned. Dwelling on the breakup and rehashing everything that went wrong won’t help you move on. Instead of ruminating, strive to remain future-focused. Ask yourself: how can I use what I’ve learned to improve my future? For example, if you keep beating yourself up because you slept with the person who broke your heart, you might make the choice to postpone physical intimacy in future relationships— at least until you feel sure the person is willing to commit to you. You could also think about how you grew from the relationship. Ask yourself, "What did I learn here? How have I grown as a person?"
Write in a gratitude journal. Jot down a few things at the end of each day that you are happy about or thankful for. This is a powerful practice because it helps you center your thoughts on the positive things in your life. You might write something like, “I’m grateful for my friends who help distract me from the breakup, my job because it keeps me busy, and my dog who is a loyal companion.”
Taking Your Mind Off Heartbreak
Get distance from the source of your pain. Moving forward will be tough if you’re still in contact with the person who broke your heart. Block their number, delete them from social media, and try to avoid the places they usually frequent. If the person broke your heart, you might be tempted to beg them to come back to you or stalk them online to see who they’re dating. These behaviors keep you stuck. Free yourself to move on by getting space from this person physically and mentally.
Hang out with friends and family. The breakup may have significantly freed up your social calendar, so use this extra time to connect with your loved ones. Make regular plans to shop, eat, and catch a show with your best pals. Sit down for dinner with your family and call up a relative you’ve fallen out of touch with. Positive social connection will help keep you busy and boost your self-esteem because you’ll remember just how many people truly care for you.
Engage in a fulfilling hobby. Dedicate your leisure time to a pastime that has nothing to do with your ex. If you once played intramural sports or volunteered at a shelter, start back. Other activities to try might include painting, writing, or playing a musical instrument. Having a hobby that’s just yours will help you meet new people you have things in common with. It will also help you start building new memories without your ex. This is also a great time to learn something new! Try out a new hobby that has always interested you.
Take steps to reach an important goal. Focus on creating an exciting life for yourself by targeting a few areas in which you’d like to improve. Perhaps you’ve always wanted to travel long-term, finish college, or lose 15 pounds. Whatever your goal, come up with some actionable steps and get started. Increase your odds of succeeding by setting SMART goals that are specific, measurable, attainable, realistic, and time-bound.
Exercise to boost your mood. Support your physical and mental health by setting aside time for physical activity. Try to get in at least 30 minutes on most days of the week. Fun activities to try might be running, hiking, rollerblading, swimming, or kickboxing. Dont let it take control of your life. Pick 1 or 2 physical activities that you enjoy and commit to doing them regularly. Regular exercise can also significantly brighten your mood and help you combat depression or anxiety.
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