Seeing the Role of Bad Memories in Everyday Life
Figure out how memories affect your daily functioning. Sometimes bad memories can overwhelm our thoughts and make it difficult to focus on what's happening in the present. How much time do you spend thinking about bad memories? Do the memories pop into your mind when you're trying to focus on other things? Focusing on bad memories, or ruminating, can hurt your problem-solving skills. For example, you may feel helpless in the face of a work-related hurdle instead of tackling the problem head-on. Ruminating can also lead to unhealthy behaviors like binge drinking or other forms of self medication intended to stop the negative thoughts. Ruminating on bad memories leads to negative thinking patterns associated with depression and anxiety.
See if dwelling on memories interferes with your relationships. If your memories are associated with a certain person, you may find it difficult to spend time with him or her without thinking about what happened in the past. Bad memories can interfere with your other relationships, too. Ruminating on the past can make you feel isolated from others. Thinking about bad memories can also inhibit your ability to forge new connections with people. For example, if you are overwhelmed with bad memories about a breakup, you may not feel open to meeting someone new.
Determine if thinking about the past affects your ability to look forward. Everyone thinks about the past to a certain extent, but dwelling there too often can impede your sense of hope for the future. If you spend time reliving experiences that already happened, you have less energy to think about what's happening now, and what will happen next. Repetitive bad memories, especially traumatic ones, can create a sense of hopelessness and make it difficult to feel optimistic. You may feel that since something bad already happened, it is bound to happen again. This can affect your ability to take good care of yourself and make plans for your own future.
Practice mindfulness to alleviate anxiety caused by bad memories. Mindfulness is a practice used to switch focus to the present moment, and research shows it can help relieve anxiety. With mindfulness, you acknowledge the bad memories as they come up, then mindfully choose to switch your focus to the present. In this way you can interrupt the negative thought process. To practice mindfulness, try focusing on physical sensations you feel in the present moment. Notice the temperature of the air or the pressure of your feet against the ground. Focus on the physical feelings until you're able to stop thinking about the bad memories. You can also practice mindfulness by repeating a positive statement to yourself. Try telling yourself, "I don’t have to think about that right now."
Trying Exposure Therapy
Consider exposure therapy. The experience of traumatic, painful, and/or frightening events can cause you to push them away in an effort to not feel them. However, letting yourself feel them may help you move forward. This exercise is called exposure therapy, in which you control your symptoms and fear of an anxiety-provoking event by thinking of it. Studies show that exposure therapy can relieve anxiety and fear associated with bad memories, but this form of treatment is best completed under the supervision of a therapist or psychologist. A therapist will be able to help you gauge your readiness to engage in the therapy and figure out how long the sessions should be. A therapist will also know how to bring you back from the memories once you are finished with the session. If you want to try exposure therapy on your own, be aware that it can make things worse. If possible, consult with a therapist to learn more about the process before attempting exposure therapy by yourself. If you try exposure therapy and find that you your bad memories are still consistently present, seek outside help.
Recall the bad memory in detail. Set a date and time to try exposure therapy. When you're ready, sit down and think about the event or situation. Try to remember every detail of it from start to finish. Think about what you were wearing, the sounds you heard, the smells in the air, and so on. Continue to sit with the memory for as long as you can. Ask yourself: "Is there an actual threat to me right now? Or is that threatening feeling coming from inside my body?" Self-guided exposure may be most effective if broken down into several sessions. You may sit with the memory for just five minutes at first, noticing that you are still safe despite bringing up these painful thoughts. You might increase the time you spend thinking about it each day until you notice yourself not responding as severely as before. Over time, the memories will affect you less and less. If you are having trouble doing this exercise in your head, grab a pen and a notebook and write down the details of the event from beginning to end. Writing a draft may be good enough for a first session. The next time you might read it aloud. If you have to stop due to crying, then always pick up where you left off. If things progress well, you will feel stronger and require fewer breaks each time you read over details of the event. Don't hold back the emotions associated with these memories. Shout, pound on the floor or cry if you have to. Just let the feeling into your conscious mind. Soak it up, absorb your grief or sorrow.
Try to let go. After you have sat with these memories, gather your strength to say aloud, "This is the feeling that I dreaded. I've felt it and faced it. Now I have to let the feeling go, and not fight it anymore." Sigh. Take a couple deep breaths, and just let the fear and anxiety you have been maintaining about this event go so that you can heal. Another option for letting go is holding a ritual ceremony. If your repetitive memories relate to a loved one you have lost, performing some sort of ritual like lighting candles for the person or releasing balloons can be a symbolic way of letting go of the pain. If the painful memories involve a traumatic event, you can agree to compartmentalize the pain after you have faced it, and each year on a day of your choosing you can purposely feel all the emotions relating to the event. Over time, you will find yourself mourning less. Letting go is a process and you won't be able to rid yourself of these painful memories overnight. If the memories persist, it is best to get professional help.
Seeking Help
See a mental health professional. Repetitive bad memories can be an indicator of post-traumatic stress disorder. This is a chronic condition that consists of intrusive thoughts or memories about a traumatic event; avoidance of things that make you remember the event; irrational and persistent negative beliefs about the event; and other symptoms such as a startle reflex or sleep disruption. If any of these symptoms describe the way you have been feeling, you need to contact a therapist or psychologist who has experience with trauma patients. Possible treatments for post-traumatic stress disorder include cognitive-behavioral therapy, exposure therapy, stress inoculation training, and medications. If you have PTSD, your mental health provider will discuss with you possible treatment options. You may also want to look into Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR) therapy, which can be performed by a qualified mental health professional. This treatment has been shown to reduce the vividness and emotions associated with a traumatic memory.
Participate in a support group. You may have reached out to friends or family about these distressing memories, and, maybe, they were able to help. Nonetheless, it can be empowering and helpful to join a support group relating to trauma, grief, or anxiety. Such a group exposes you to others who have encountered and prevailed through distressing situations. You can learn practical coping mechanisms to handle anxiety or stress. You may also make lifelong friends.
Surround yourself with positive people. If you truly want to move forward with your life and overcome the fear and anxiety of what happened to you, then your social circle makes a difference. Research shows happiness can be a chain reaction. If others around you are jolly and upbeat, it just might rub off on you. Life is short! Spend it with people whose company you enjoy and who make you feel good about yourself and life.
Get in touch with your spiritual side. How you connect with a higher power or the universe as a whole is up to you. Regardless, spiritual practices including meditation, prayer, and worship can be extremely effective at relieving symptoms of anxiety and depression that may come with painful memories. Having faith in the future and working to understand your purpose in life can be life-changing during distressing times. Consider spirituality as a helpful coping resource to help you manage upsetting memories and thoughts in the future.
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